AIBU to not send my son to church?

[Stephieee]

I have another thread going too, sorry - I just need lots of advice!

So, DH and his family is religious (especially MIL) and they have always nagged me to get DS baptised and bring him to church...

Bit of a back story... I'm baptised and have a lovely church, where I grew up - my mum and dad were married there, my dad and grandad is buried there and my siblings and I were baptised there - I never went to church there... I would have died to have got married there!!! However, I went along with DH and got married in 'his' church... I wanted DS baptised and said it should be at 'my' church, so DH agreed, but MIL hated me from that point. However, I did refuse to bring DS to church, unless it was at 'my' church (I feel closer to my dad, but I'm not religious) and DH said no way, so I didn't want to bring him... I said we should wait until he is older, so he can decide on his religion. DH goes to church with his mum and wanted DS to go to a religious school - I went to a religious Primary School and they really drummed the religious aspects into you and I don't particularly like that, so in all fairness DH said okay, AIBU to not send DS to church (he's 5)?

[Brightnorthernlights]

I'm very confused as to what you believe, if your marriage is happy, why you married where you didn't want to, if your father is alive and why you have such a toxic relationship with your MIL.

However, one thing I do know, you will rue the day you use your son to assert your own authority in any of your relationships.

[Katenka]

I think it does... It's like anything. If the father agreed to his bother beating the child up, his parental decisions would get taken away, end of.

how is that in anyway comparable to the dh, in this situation, wanting to take his son to a church that he attends.

Allowing your son to be beaten is abuse. Wanting to take him to your own church on occasion is not.

It's unbelievable what some people will grasp at to make a comparison.

[Iceyard]

I'm talking about the way his mother treats their son and wife...

[Katenka]

I'm talking about the way his mother treats their son and wife.

The MIL may be awful. That's doesn't take away the fathers rights.

[Iceyard]

It does if he decides to take her side over his child.

[Hodgebodge]

I think the OP has long gone guys!

[Katenka]

Iceyard no it doesn't. Legally or (imo) morally.

The fact that he wants to take his child to his own church, does not mean he is automatically siding with the mil. It means he wants to take his son to his church. He isn't obliged to agree with the OP on everything.

He would like to take his son to his church. The OP is objecting because the MIL would also like that.

I think the OP has long gone guys!

And?

[Iceyard]

No, I'm not talking about taking to church. He sided with her about the comments, read the thread again, which is my issue... Therefore, he can't take him to church if the mother doesn't want to as she is being a better parent.

[Katenka]

I am not going to argue anymore.

I have read the thread. The OP is asserting control over her dh by using the son.

The father is the father. End of. Nothing he has done would remove parental responsibility.

If the dh can not have an opinion for fear of it being the same as his mothers, because the OP will restrict what he can do with his son. That's a shit relationship and it's not ok.

[CottonFrock]

I'm still confused. The OP is just talking about two different physical church buildings, in different parishes, but of the same denomination, so two, say, C of E parishes - rather than say, Methodism vs Catholicism. And the 'two different churches' have turned into some kind of power struggle between her and her MIL since their wedding (when, for some reason, the OP agreed to marry in the 'other' church), and now the five year old is a pawn in struggle for whose church 'wins'? Even though the OP isn't a believer in any organised religion...?

[ThereIsIron]

You should not be sending your 5 year old son to any church.