AIBU to not breastfeed?

[Stephieee]

DD is yet to arrive, but I never breastfed with DS and my goodness, I was made to feel terrible about it! I've told people that I'm not going to, this time around, but their views haven't changed :(

Yanbu
I wish I'd had the guts not to put myself through trying again to bf with dd2. It was soul destroying and I felt like crap failing at it.

I did worra I told her I needed to push and she said I didn't. Hey presto a baby in my underwear very nearly.

pyjama - well my mom was openly negative about breast feeding. When my sister had her first child (many years before I had mine) she told my sister she couldn't she was breast feeding as it was disgusting My mom had breast fed my sister for about a week (who is older than me) and didn't breast feed me at all.

As for my nan and my aunt, like I said, they'd tried and failed and so genuinely thought breast feeding was inferior to formula. Their logic seemed to be that as their babies had thrived better on formula than they had on breast milk it means all babies are better on formula.

My nan and her comments were awful at times and in the early days of trying to establish feeding it really knocked my confidence.

On the plus side though, as breast feeding got easier their negativity just boosted my determination to continue feeding to show them that I just didn't care about their opinions and that babies can totally thrive on breast milk alone. When DS was about three months I was visiting her and my grandad, DS needed feeding so I just did it and my flustered nan jumped up and said she would go and find me a blanket so I could cover myself up - she looked very confused when I said I didn't need a blanket and I was perfectly fine.

I remember once when DS was about 10 weeks old my nan gave me a gift: some formula powder, a steriliser and some bottles, "just in case you change your mind"

It's bonkers. I remember someone at work saying that babies shouldn't be breastfed once they've got teeth.

mini in a society where we have access to good healthcare, clean water, nutritious food, the choice to bf is unlikely to make a huge difference on health outcomes for children. Of course it offers immunity in the early days but the benefits of this have to be balanced against the effects on women who feel pressurised into doing something which doesn't always come naturally or without pain.

I don't think it is fair to compare it to the risk factors of SIDS. Children don't die in this country as a result of being given formula. It is a perfectly legitimate choice, which doesn't put a child at risk.

I also think it is disingenuous to then talk about taking chances with how formuka is made/stored. Women are not stupid. We know that if we choose to ff it is very important to make and store formula correctly. Just as, if you bf, it is important to eat well and be aware of what you are putting into your body.

While bf may be free and available to most women, it is not always easy and in an effort to promote bf, the fact that it can be painful and restricting is often skimmed over.

I tried to bf with all 4 of my dc, with mixed results. A lot of the time it was sore ( they were latched on properly, I had expert help), my boobs were like footballs, milk supply was erratic, it was very embarrassing pouring milk everywhere at times. Withy last child there wasn't enough milk and it was very stressful worrying about whether she was getting sufficient food. Ff was a relief. Now, I am not saying bf was all bad for me - I loved the sense of providing my baby with what they needed. And yes, it was cheaper. But if women are going to try bf, there needs to be a lot more honesty about the process - it cant be sold as wholly wonderful because women irl then get a shock of it isn't.

Finally, living costs the nhs money. Ff pay tax and are entitled to use the service without getting guilt tripped. Everybody's choices cost the nhs money.

Outcomes for the poorest kids in society would be better if poverty was eradicated and society didn't demonise the poor. It will take more than universal breastfeeding.

As part of my job we are supposed to be very pro-feeding and supportive but some of the stupid comments I hear come out of my colleagues mouths sometimes just irks me.

I heard one colleague tell one of the Consultants that at 8 months of age it's about time the baby in question was weaned off the breast and implied that to support the mother to still breast feed was ridiculous.

I had to do a large teaching board on breast feeding and all I heard was muttering last that all the facts and data were made up and they "didn't believe any of it". I honestly find some attitudes shocking. I have never known, in relation to any other medical research, such in depth studies and proven results be dismissed and rubbished like the research is on breast feeding. I just can't get my head around why some people refuse to believe it?

I get a lot of negative comments at work, and disparaging looks, about the fact I'm still breast feeding.

This pressure to be a perfect mother is immense. I've seen many women struggle through breast feeding because they want to do everything right and by the book. They soldier on even when they are in pain, exhausted and fed up while others crow on about what an amazing experience it is, making them feel like a total failure for not enjoying every moment of the experience. They fear giving up because they are guilt tripped into believing that somehow thier child will be worse off and they will have failed at the first hurdle as a mother.

I was lucky, I tried it and it was ok for me but honestly I was happier when they went on to formula. It felt such a relief to have my body back, I felt more in control and less burdened.

Women really need to stop giving each other such a hard time about this.

Women really need to stop giving each other such a hard time about this.

Exactly shebird

As long as the baby is fed, warm and well cared for it really does not matter.

Finally,livingcosts the nhs money. Ff pay tax and are entitled to use the service without getting guilt tripped. Everybody's choices cost the nhs money

it was the nhs that made my dd2 sick. circumstances meant I'd likely not have been able to bf her even if I'd wanted to.not once did I leak a single drop of milk. so I have no qualms in taking some of my money back and having her prescription formula.

there's a good chance shed have been dead by now if it had not been for formula.

I have many years after the first 6 months to give encourage a healthier life style. in ways they will actually remember

YABU not to give colostrum for a couple of days of your life. Research it. It'll have a massive impact on your baby's health.

I'm sure a couple of days wouldn't kill you? Or just 24 hours?

I've seen many women struggle through breast feeding because they want to do everything right and by the book. They soldier on even when they are in pain, exhausted and fed up while others crow on about what an amazing experience it is, making them feel like a total failure for not enjoying every moment of the experience. They fear giving up because they are guilt tripped into believing that somehow thier child will be worse off and they will have failed at the first hurdle as a mother.

It isn't always like this though. I had an awful 8 weeks establishing breast feeding, I soldiered on through the pain, the tears and exhaustion, hating every feed, but it wasn't because I was scared to give up for fear of what others would think of me, it was because breast feeding was really, really important to me.

Women who soldier on aren't always victims of societal pressures and victims of the expectation we should all be 'perfect mothers', sometimes we are just mothers who just really want to breast feed.

A woman once said to me that for breast feeding to be successful the mother has to it either find it easy from the beginning or she has to really want to do it.

"As long as the baby is fed, warm and well cared for it really does not matter."

You can say 'it doesn't matter' until you are blue in the face, but every major healthcare organisation in the world thinks it does. Hence widespread promotion of breastfeeding.

In a country where few people breastfeed for more than a few weeks, it's more emotionally comfortable for everyone to go around insisting it doesn't make a difference how a baby is fed. Unfortunately it doesn't make it true.

Ah well, if they don't remember it and they can't voice an opinion then we can disregard their importance in the decision making process.

The main thing to remember is to never, ever start a thread about BF in the AIBU topic.

Amen Sparkling.

You know all is lost when the walls of text start appearing.

YY Mistress and you feel like there will be an exam at the end....

There could be. :o

Mini, all things being equal, breast milk is better. At least initially. No one disputes that. But it is important to remember that formula is fine - it will not harm a baby to be ff. In our society the benefits of bf are marginal and have to be balanced with the emotional wellbeing of the mother, which is also essential to good outcomes for the baby.

It really does women no good to have it rammed down their throat at every opportunity that they must bf, while at the same time not being told that it might not be wonderful and that they might not get a lot of help if it is hard.

In our society the benefits of bf are marginal

They're really not.
I can't believe people STILL believe this. Do you think science is a lie?

If you want to FF, that's up to you. But that doesn't mean you can go around denying the benefits of breastfeeding.
And in many cases, formula does cause harm. It's one of the things you weigh up in decision making.

I'm all for women making their own choices, but hate to see these myths perpetuated.

In a country with clean water it just really doesn't matter though.

You can post as many links as you like, but you simply can't tell the difference between an adult who was FF or BF.

But you can often tell the difference between adults who were brought up in a caring, loving environment and fed a reasonably healthy diet and those who weren't.

So if there are any lurkers reading this and feeling like shit because they couldn't breastfeed, my advice is honestly don't worry about it.

Oh well Worra, if you're sure that everyone is wrong about breastfeeding, and you're right, that's ok then

Thomas, I haven't denied the benefits of bf. I just don't believe that in a western society, with access to clean water etc, the benefits are so great that they automatically cancel out every other consideration.