Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

AIBU to not breastfeed?

453 replies

Stephieee · 29/01/2016 22:40

DD is yet to arrive, but I never breastfed with DS and my goodness, I was made to feel terrible about it! I've told people that I'm not going to, this time around, but their views haven't changed :(

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 30/01/2016 11:17

English Well you know what they say about making assumptions Wink

minifingerz · 30/01/2016 11:18

"The fact remains if you raise your DC on pies,eat pies and provide them with inadequate exercise a few months of breast feeding isn't going to save them from obesity or the illnesses that come with it."

Straw man argument.

Nobody is saying it does.

Although for mothers breastfeeding appears to be associated with a reduction in type 1 and type 2 diabetes in children, and type 2 diabetes in mothers. So for some individuals breastfeeding may have a protective effect against obesity related conditions. NHSCHOICES

Anyway, you've ignored the point I was making, which was about how people's priorities may shape their feeding choices at all ages.

pointythings · 30/01/2016 13:49

Actually I do judge people who won't even give it a try. I really, really do. It's still absolutely their choice though, and if I ever met OP face to face I would not say or show a damn thing.

Hihohoho1 · 30/01/2016 13:52

Good grief how wierd to judge over such a trivial thing.

Op do what you like. Anyone sensible doesn't care.

Pyjamaramadrama · 30/01/2016 13:54

Op yanbu to choose how to feed your baby.

Personally, whenever any pregnant friends have said that they're not going to breastfeeding full stop. I do wonder why they don't even want to try it. But I know it's none of my business so I'd never voice this in real life.

One thing that makes me itch now though is this. Babies can be intolerant to cows milk or even allergic. It seems to be quite common, I didn't know this and I suspect that a lot of people don't.

Once you've stopped breastfeeding or decided not to you can't just change your mind if you realise that formula might be making your baby ill as happened to my ds.

minifingerz · 30/01/2016 13:55

"It's still absolutely their choice though, and if I ever met OP face to face I would not say or show a damn thing."

Same.

But I do wonder why people repeatedly feel the need to reiterate 'it's their choice' on this thread (and elsewhere whenever feeding is discussed). Why? Of course how you feed your child - whatever you're feeding them on and whenever you're feeding them - is your choice. We all know that. It's enshrined in law. Nobody is challenging it. You can do what you like with your children, and unless it's actively criminal (ie hitting/neglecting) then it's 'your choice'.

minifingerz · 30/01/2016 13:58

"Good grief how wierd to judge over such a trivial thing."

  1. It's a baby's sole form of nutrition for 6 months.

  2. There's evidence that breastfed babies are less likely to end up in hospital, and that breastfeeding mums are less likely to get type 2 diabetes and cancer.

How is that trivial?

Still doesn't give friends and family the right to tell a mother what to do or to criticise her. But it's perfectly reasonable for them to have strong opinions about it - as long as they keep it to themselves (unless asked, as on this thread)

minifingerz · 30/01/2016 14:00

And pyjama makes a great point.

Hihohoho1 · 30/01/2016 14:03

Nope mini my life is too busy to give a shiny shite how other people feed their babies.

Sparklingbrook · 30/01/2016 14:03

Why do these threads always turn out the same? If I was the OP I would be long gone.

Pyjamaramadrama · 30/01/2016 14:03

Op as you have asked for opinions I would say, why not give it a try? If you hate it you can stop but you'll have given your baby colostrum.

Afaik there are benefits even to breastfeeding for a couple of days.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2016 14:08

I expect some people see it as fairly trivial because...

1.) In a country where clean water is readily available both choices are perfectly acceptable.

2.) There are so many other factors that mean people are less/more likely to get type 2 diabetes and cancer.

But some people are just weird in the sense that they get all worked up over other people's choices, that don't affect them in the slightest.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 30/01/2016 14:10

Well said, Worra.

Timri · 30/01/2016 14:15

And actually, the lowest rates of breastfeeding are in those sectors of society with the highest rates of childhood obesity

Source?

Pyjamaramadrama · 30/01/2016 14:16

I think we all secretly judge each other a bit even on things that don't effect us personally. Or we have things that have meant a lot to us that we can't push onto other people.

Here we voice things we might not say in rl.

Sparklingbrook · 30/01/2016 14:16

Yes good post Worra.

LaLaLaaaa · 30/01/2016 14:19

Stop telling people. Your body, your baby.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 30/01/2016 14:23

I think when I am questioned about my choices by in laws or others it's my opportunity to show I have thought about and am happy with the decision. So even when it is clear people disagree I don't mind. I disagree with other people's choices sometimes but I rarely care enough to question them.

In feeding my three I ended up breast feeding much longer than anticipated, I assumed I would move to formula when dc1 was 6m, he had other ideas and wouldn't take a bottle or formula. So I gave him cows milk in a cup from 12 m but cont bfeed him till he was 23m. I just took each day as it came and if questioned confirmed that it was a lot cheaper and more convenient than formula so I couldn't really see the point in changing once it was established. If you are comfortable with your choice and your baby is being fed and cared for then there is no reason to allow another person to make you feel bad. You can challenge rude enquiries or ignore them, develop selective hearing or become an expert on infant nutrition. Either way an adult should be capable of answering criticisms/ comments. You are allowed to do things your way.

Sparklingbrook · 30/01/2016 14:24

I do think there is something to be said for not telling anyone anything. Particularly how you intend to feed the baby and what you intend to name it. Wink

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2016 14:30

I didn't even tell my DH and inlaws that I had a baby.

I kept him in a drawer under the bed...

Writerwannabe83 · 30/01/2016 14:33

OP - I work with new mothers in a role of supporting breast feeding and I come across many women who have flat/inverted who go on to have a healthy breast feeding relationship. Admittedly, they probably do find it harder at first but with guidance and support (and usually nipple shields) breast feeding can be established. If your worries about your nipples are genuinely your only reason for not wanting to try because you think you will fail at it then please push that thought out of your head. Even if, worst case scenario you find that it is too difficult for you and swap to formula then at least you know you tried.

My DS is almost two and is still BF and the first 8 weeks of DS's life were very, very hard as I really struggled with breast feeding. Some women find it easy from the start and others don't but you won't know how it will work out for you until you try.

I had lots of criticism from 3 family members for choosing to breast feed: my mom, my aunt and my nan, who had all tried to breast feed their own children but had given up within a few weeks. It was quite obvious to me that they were projecting their own failings on to me and implying that anything that was wrong with the baby (colic, wind, he was crying, anything really) was because I was breast feeding. My nan said to me she just couldn't understand why I would choose to breast feed when formula is available. She told me that breast milk was disgusting stuff. I also had comments as to how they did the right thing for their babies by stopping breast feeding and so I should do the same. Some comments were very, very hurtful and I eventually had to stop visiting them so often as they were making me feel so shit about my decision to breast feed.

The point being, as like many other posters have said, if you formula feed you will get nasty comments and attitudes from some, but the same thing happens to women who breast feed too.

Don't be put off just because you are scared of failure though, if you want to breast feed then just give it a go as with the right support your flat nipples may be a complete non-issue.

FWIW - I also received negative comments from my PILs about my choice to breast feed (mainly about how selfish I was being and I was only doing it because I didn't want to share the baby) and my husband put them right in their place!!! His loyalty was to me, not them. You have my sympathies if your husband isn't supporting you because that's obviously making things a lot harder for you Flowers

Sparklingbrook · 30/01/2016 14:34

I would have done that if I could have got away with it Worra. Grin We didn't tell anyone I had gone into labour either time.

minifingerz · 30/01/2016 14:43

"I expect some people see it as fairly trivial because...

1.) In a country where clean water is readily available both choices are perfectly acceptable."

Yes - our culture bottle feeding is the social norm and therefore socially acceptable. The NHS still puts resources into trying to persuade people to do less of it, for the sake of their children's and their own health.

"2.) There are so many other factors that mean people are less/more likely to get type 2 diabetes and cancer."

Um, yes. So if there are other factors, then not breastfeeding becomes unimportant? Like, prone sleeping is just one risk factor for SIDS. That means we can consider it unimportant because others, like smoking during pregnancy, are also factors?

Do you use that type of reasoning when it comes to other choices for your child? 'It's trivial if they don't wear a bike helmet when they cycle because more children hurt themselves falling out of trees while playing?' 'Making up feeds with hot water is a trivial issue, because when babies get sick from problems with formula, it's usually because parents haven't washed their bottles thoroughly, or are not chucking undrunk milk out after a couple of hours. I don't get it. Hmm

Incidentally, I'm not 'all worked up' about how you individually choose to feed your baby. I do though, think it's a damn shame that so few babies in the UK get optimal nutrition from birth. I particularly think it's a shame that children from the most deprived backgrounds, who tend to get the shittest of everything as they go through life, are the ones most likely not to get optimal nutrition from birth (because of low breastfeeding rates in deprived areas) despite the fact that breastfeeding is free and available to everyone. That's a shame, and it's the result of cultural mores more than anything else.

Oh, and in a system of socialised medicine, it's not unreasonable to point out that other people's choice not to breastfeed imposes additional costs on the NHS that impact on everyone: cost

Pyjamaramadrama · 30/01/2016 14:44

Writerwannabe how could and why would anyone criticise someone for breastfeeding?

I just can't understand it. What logical reason could anyone give to argue against it?

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2016 14:44

I'm hoping you told the midwife Sparkling Shock Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread