AIBU to not breastfeed?

[Stephieee]

DD is yet to arrive, but I never breastfed with DS and my goodness, I was made to feel terrible about it! I've told people that I'm not going to, this time around, but their views haven't changed :(

Both my DDs were FF and they're both intelligent little things. It was fab to be able to give baby to DH so that I could have a little bit longer sleeping. Each to their own OP but YANBU at all.

Good for you Allmybestfriends. We are polar opposites in our choices as I didn't even attempt breast feeding, but I would never, ever stand in judgement or even comment on how any other mother feeds her children. Glad you stood your ground and yes fuck 'em

Lots of people with unresolved 'issues' around feeding years later.

Not in my experience, My MIL and my DM didn't comment on my choices and if I ever have GC I wouldn't care how they were fed.

I don't know anyone in OP's position where family even said a word about their feeding choices.

How you feed your baby is entirely up to you, and no-one has any right to judge you on this very personal decision. So, YANBU.

However, since you are actually asking for opinions, then IMO I do think it would be worthwhile to at least give BF a try. For some people it is painless and easy, and it might be for you.

I'm a terrible cook and never know what to give my older children. We often have things I have bought frozen and just stuck in the oven.

This is part of the reason I wanted to BF as at least they were getting something nutritious from me, to make up for my lack of ability to wean them onto healthy, home cooked food. I have failed in one thing and been excellent at another. Like most of us, there are strengths and weaknesses.

I know a lot of people who BF and were very good and careful with proper food, as well. So really there's no telling how people will feed their children based on their infant feeding choices.

I think it's about making the right choice for you as a mother. That means examining your reasons and working through all that.

'I'm afraid things might go wrong' can apply equally to FF and BF so I don't think I'd see it as a valid reason not to BF, unless you have specific fears about certain aspects of BF, which you do - the nipple thing - and actually it might not be an obstacle to successful feeding, after all. You can't know unless you try.

But if you just don't want to BF then that's your own decision, whatever the reasons for it, and that's Ok. Some women are just uncomfortable using their breasts for that. You can't help how you feel. As long as your baby is loved and cared for then no one should criticise you about your choice. Breastfeeding is a very personal thing and very emotive as well as political. So it has to be something you decide for yourself.

YABU to not even consider trying.

I wish people would get just as bothered about the poor diet some parents feed their kids from when they are weaned. There is far too much focus on this BF v FF issue, when either is perfectly OK. It is the choices after this stage that could have a huge impact in a childs long term health.

I could never tell in a class of 30 kids who was BF or FF but I'd have a pretty good idea who was eating shite on a regular basis.

"Honestly, I have 'flat nipples' and that worries me that it'll be harder."

One of mine is very flat too. The other is ok, but not huge. The very flat one is hard to express from, especially hand expressing - but both boys managed to get milk out of it just fine, once their tongue ties had been dealt with.

What I'm saying is, that this is not a good reason not to try. You may have other reasons not to try, but this shouldn't be one of them, because babies deal with it ok.

Do whatever feels right for you and your baby. For what it's worth, you'll get grief whatever you choose. I FF both of mine. I spent the worst week of my life after son was born trying to BF. Never liked back after switching. It transformed our relationship. Did I get grief from some people. Yes, including hospital midwives. However, I've also stood up in restaurants and cafes and defended a woman's right to breastfeed her baby where she's sat and not have to into the loo.

Don't do anything that will make you unhappy or that you're not comfortable with. Give BF a go if you fancy it this time but if you don't then tell the naysayers to do one.

Please just do what you feel is best and fuck everyone else. This won't be the only thing you feel judged on, so you need to get a thicker soon pretty soon.

My mil is very derogative about breastfeeding and believes that formula is the best thing ever.

I had mastitis on day 3, strong antibiotics, felt really ill and it affected my milk supply. People were really scathing, not believing me about it and derogative about my introduction of some formula,

You just need to ride it out.

YABU

As an individual it is up to you what you do. But overall as a society breastfeeding rates are low. Women don't see other women breastfeeding. People don't know how to support breastfeeding women. So women who do want to breastfeed don't get the support from the rest of society.

"Breast is best" was a slogan made up by a formula company. Not because they care but because they want your money!!!!

I am sorry your MIL is so mean.

It is definitely your choice, and your MIL has said some awful things, but if the main part of your anxiety is around your nipples & latching, have you considered expressing and feeding the breastmilk via bottle?
You don't seem 100% convinced of your choice, so at least if you started expressing, you would keep your options open, and if it didn't work, you could just switch to formula. No harm done.

I could never tell in a class of 30 kids who was BF or FF but I'd have a pretty good idea who was eating shite on a regular basis

great point.

I ff both mine

I also work hard at providing a healthy diet for my children. and they eat well. which is largely luck I know but my use.of formula was by no means indicative of a desire to feed shite. they had veg and everything

I've never blended a Macdonalds btw

I can't help but feel that some of these threads are secretly designed to start a BF vs FF war, and that the OP is disappointed when it doesn't happen.

Feed your child however you want, it's only your business.

If you are happy with your choice then who cares how baby is fed as long as it is fed.

I FF and would do so again, BF doesn't appeal to me in the slightest and we are lucky enough to be able to choose.

I think that FF babies tend to get rid of bottles earlier than BF mothers letting them wean off the breast. It's rare to see a three year old with a milk bottle but very common to see that age still BF.

I find it bizarre that you are not prepared to try. You might love BFing and not struggle with it at all! You might find it easy and bonding and enjoy not having to sterilise bottles etc. It seems defeatist to assume it will be difficult.

I know many women who FF but most BF or expressed for first 2weeks so baby had the colostrum. Do you understand why this is important?

If your husband wants this baby to have breastmilk why not express so he can bottle-feed?

For me BF was the right choice and I wouldn't have FF unless I had to.

"Rubbish Mini mothers who BF using it as a healthy theme for how they always feed their child is just utter made up baloney. Where are your cast iron figures for that?"

The figures come from the government Infant Feeding Survey 2010, which involves 8000 women here

"As with previous surveys, there was a clear association between breastfeeding and socio-economic status. Incidence of breastfeeding remains highest amongst mothers in managerial and professional occupations, a pattern which was consistent across all countries. Across the UK, 90% of mothers in managerial and professional occupations breastfed, compared with 80% in intermediate occupations,74% in routine and manual occupations and 71% among those who had never worked."

Links between social class and childhood obesity here "There is an almost linear relationship between obesity prevalence in children and the Index of Multiple Deprivation 2010 (IMD) score for the area they live in. Child obesity prevalence in the most deprived tenth of local areas is almost double that in
the least deprived tenth (Figure 1)."

In other words, in the UK the poorer and less educated you are, the more likely you are to choose not to breastfeed. And the poorer and less educated you are the more likely you are to have a child who's overweight.

I didn't say 'always', by the way, you put that word in my mouth.

But women who choose to breastfeed primarily do so 'because it's healthier for the baby'. This was the main reason given in the Infant Feeding Survey 2005 and 2010 for choosing to breastfeed. The most common reasons given by mothers who planned before the birth to use infant formula only were that they did not like the idea of breastfeeding (20%), convenience or
due to their lifestyle (19%) and because other people could feed the baby (17%)."

Why is it a surprise that someone whose main focus is the health of their child when they are choosing what to feed them as a baby is also likely to be more vigilant about their diet as an older child?

By the way, we're not talking about absolutes here - I'm talking about how people's priorities may influence how they feed their children, at any age.

Given the current news about the latest lancet publication on this subject I think it is apparent there are many many benefits to breastfeeding and I would highly recommend trying.

It's not only the health benefits though. It's cost and convenience. No sterilising, no running out, no issue if you get stuck somewhere and can't find formula to see you on.

Yes you have a choice. No I would never berate someone who'd already made the choice to feed. But as baby isn't here yet I would hope most women would stay open minded and consider trying once baby is born.

The fact remains if you raise your DC on pies,eat pies and provide them with inadequate exercise a few months of breast feeding isn't going to save them from obesity or the illnesses that come with it.

Exactly.

And given that well over 60% of adults in the UK are overweight/obese, the fact remains that children are being shown a poor example both in the home and all around them.

Most kids won't remember being BF or FF, but they know what they see around them.