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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my baby is absolutely not too old to be breastfeeding

309 replies

NoCapes · 29/01/2016 21:15

I know what you're thinking, this is going to be about somebody breastfeeding a toddler or pre-schooler and there will be a bit of a debate ...
Well, my baby is 12 fucking weeks old! Hmm

Having tea and a scone in M&S cafe this afternoon when an older lady walking past, not realising he was feeding, stopped to coo at him and when she realised he was fucking about and absolutely not feeding feeding she looked disgusted, tutted and walked away saying to her husband (presumably) that "that baby was far too old to be doing that I mean, really!" Causing a few people around to look over and see what I was doing to my baby

I was shocked and alone at the time (mum was in the queue) and I didn't say anything, just sunk into my chair a little bit
Telling DP when I got in and I'm actually ashamed to say that I had a little cry, and now I'm annoyed that I was upset about it
Stupid woman

AIBU to think - what the fuckity fuck, he is absolutely no where near 'too old' and to be really fucking annoyed with myself that I didn't say anything and that I let her upset me?

OP posts:
Fishinminepuddle · 30/01/2016 10:07

I'm not arguing double, I'm just saying that for a lot of people when the kids are walking around, interacting etc and no longer babies, the bf thing starts to look odd.

Many things look odd. Who cares.

Op yanbu. Enjoy your lovely baby and bf as long as you like. Of course you had a little cry, the woman was a rude and miserable cow, she attacked you whilst you were feeling a little defenceless. shame on her and people like her.
I bf ds2 for 26 months and am proud of it.

WhatTimeIsItCuckoo · 30/01/2016 10:17

bimandbam Your lovely story reminds me of a similar experience a relative of mine had when she took her baby into some pub toilets to feed her. There were a crowd of bikers in the pub and one of the lady bikers came into the toilets, took one look and said 'That's disgusting'. She then went on to say 'You wouldn't have your dinner in the toilets so don't give your baby hers in the toilets either'. She then proceeded to usher my relative out to her motorbike and got her comfortably seated on that to feed instead! Smile. OP FWIW I fed all mine until they were well over a year, in fact my youngest was almost two years. Put this rude lady well out of your mind, the complete ignoramus, and crack on for as long as you and your baby want to Flowers

AnotherTimeMaybe · 30/01/2016 10:25

Wait someone's is about to come here to say she has MH issues! Hmm

Illcya · 30/01/2016 10:33

I thought you were going to write 12 months. Having said that, one of mine fed til just over a year, the other til two years - their choice and I'm glad I didn't take any heed of silly comments from those who made them, whether from lack of understanding or jealousy. OP you enjoy feeding while you can, and your LO does too. Stupid woman. Flowers for you doing the best you can for your little one.

Booboostwo · 30/01/2016 10:40

She is clearly an idiot, I am sorry she upset you!

I breast fed DD till 3.1yo and DS is still breast feeding at 17mo. I found that after about the first 12-18 months they don't breast feed that much anymore and you only need to feed at home, e.g. at bedtime and when they wake up. I've never had negative comments in public but members of my family have been very negative about the whole thing for no good reason.

Outaboutnowt · 30/01/2016 11:56

Im sorry you encountered a knob OP.
I always see people on MN say they never have come across this type of attitude or experienced this when bf but I have.
IME it is typically from other women, bizarrely, and often around my mums age (50s, 60s, 70s)

The only time it happened to me was a woman coming up to me when I was in a pub/bistro place with newborn DS trying to latch him on and said 'you shouldn't be doing that here' with a tut, I think my death stare saw her off quite well.

I also had a fair bit of (unsolicited) bizarre advice which seemed intent on trying to cast doubt over me bf and comments from women I know and even aunts/sil/cousins (all mothers themselves) including:

  • you can't tell that a baby's getting enough when they bf
  • how do you know he's actually getting milk?
  • formula will fill them up better
  • formula is safer (wtf!)
  • you should try to get him in a feeding schedule, make it easier for you
  • he is not getting enough water
  • he won't sleep through the night if you bf

I found it all really really bizarre tbh. There seems to be a bit of mistrust of bf amongst some people, but I've found generally men don't give a shit.

As it turned out I did struggle with bf and ended up combine feeding, and expressing for a few months until eventually DS went onto formula.

IMO it's hard enough trying to get to grips with bf without everyone sticking their tuppence in about what you're doing.

Do ignore her OP, some people are just fucking stupid and not worth a second more of your thoughts.

bimandbam · 30/01/2016 12:28

I am glad my old bloke made a couple of you smile. He really was a lovely man and so completely supportive of bfing. Which I definitely wasn't expecting.

To be honest I have only ever experienced negativety from women. Of all generations and only really family and friends. I think that the message breast is best has got through. And women who chose not to bf see a bfing woman and get a bit defencesive about how they fed their baby. Most women would say 'oh I tried but couldn't because of x,y or z'. Which is absolutely fine and of absolutely no consequence to me or my baby. But then they proceed to give advice or their opinion whether I have asked for it or not!

I have only ever had supportive comments from men. From the landlord of our local pub who used to bring me glasses of milk foc 'to replace what guzzleguts has nicked' to the lads that worked for dp who used to fuss around me and ask if I wanted drinks or snacks or a coat to fold up behind my back.

When ds was 4-6 months old I used to meet dp in the pub from work and dd used to play in the play area while I spoke to adults. The lads are a rough and ready set of hairy arsed subbys but were all very kind and considerate to me when I was bfing.

My mum and aunties and a couple of my sisters drove me insane. I learned to just repeat that WHO recommended until 2 at least. And if they really laboured a point just say that I would stop when he started comp as it's awkward finding the time when he will have homework and stuff.

But don't be put off by 1 silly woman. I always smile and if appropriate comment if I see a bfing mum. Just to let her know that fwiw I think she is doing amazing. It might be a bit patronising to some seasoned bfers but if it makes 1 woman feel a bit supported on a bad day I think it's worth it.

Kirkenes · 30/01/2016 12:39

Wait someone's is about to come here to say she has MH issues! Hmm

Wink I've already said this! I don't think anyone rational would use the phase the OP says she heard about a 12 week old baby. I also asked the OP if she might have misheard. MN'ers loves the idea of tutting, muttering busy bodies especially when BF is involved but I think someone saying 'that baby was far too old to be doing that' about a 12 week old isn't something any normal person would say even if they were a ridiculous busy body.

FanFuckingTastic · 30/01/2016 12:46

I always found a big beaming smile and a "I'm sorry you feel that way, this works for us" got my point across that I really didn't give a tiny rats arse about what other people thought regarding anything to do with how I raised my baby.

Iliketoparrty · 30/01/2016 13:52

Dsis and I were at the park with her then 2yr old and 6month old. She started bfeeding 6month old when a teenage boy who was hanging around starting shout 'put your tits away' Angry. Dsis was being discrete so it wasn't as if she had stripped to the waist to feed.

A few the boys friends started telling him to shut up and to go over and apologise. The boy ended up walking off. His friends came over and apologised for him and were very sweet. They even pushed DN on the swings. They completely changed my inital opinion on them. I am ashamed to admit I saw them as neds instead of the kind normal kids they were. Blush

Hihohoho1 · 30/01/2016 13:54

I all my years of bf 4 kids no one had ever commented. Looked or bothered.

None I know has had any comments either.

Strange that.

splendide · 30/01/2016 14:03

Yes it's obviously crazy!

Sorry if this is a hijack but while there are ladies who breastfed older babies on the thread can I ask a question? My DS is 15 months and has recently really increased the amount he's asking to feed. He doesn't bother if we're out and about but at home it's really constant. I can't really play with him without a boob out! Do you think it'll calm down? Should I try to limit him a bit? Sorry again to hijack - not sure it was worth its own thread

Sighing · 30/01/2016 14:05

Idiot stupid woman. Baby too young for solids what the fuck does she expect you to do? Shame you appear to have bumped in to someone who likes showing their ignorance off.

FlatOnTheHill · 30/01/2016 14:10

Hold on a minute. Lets get this straight. You said the woman PRESUMABLY said to her husband the baby was far to old to be doing that!
So basically you ASSUMED. You never heard her say that. Yet you say you went home and had a little cry Hmm
I think the problem here is you. Not the woman. You have basically made up what you THOUGHT she said Confused

splendide · 30/01/2016 14:12

No, the presumed is presuming the man she was with is the husband.

Original poster
NoCapes · 30/01/2016 14:31

FlatOnTheHill I presumed the man she was with was her husband, I didn't presume what she said - why on earth would I do that? Hmm

OP posts:
FlatOnTheHill · 30/01/2016 14:33

Ok I misread apologies.
Why are you bothered about what other people think. Ignore them. Certainly wouldnt cry about some strangers comment.

cruikshank · 30/01/2016 14:47

Outaboutnowt, I got all of the comments you have listed while bf-ing mine. Also 'once they get past 6 months/12 months/some other arbitrary age you're really doing it for yourself, aren't you?' - had that loads of times, including from a woman who is a fucking doctor, ffs (not in a professional capacity - we went to the same baby group). I think it's because bf-ing is something that has largely been lost in the UK so people have fucked up attitudes to it because they are no longer used to it and women have been trained not to trust their bodies.

OP, sorry you got upset, and well done for breastfeeding, and you go ahead and carry on for as long as you want to and are able to.

Original poster
NoCapes · 30/01/2016 15:00

Flat I'm not usually such a cry baby, let's blame the hormones Wink

OP posts:
MistressoftheYoniverse · 30/01/2016 15:01

She is an arse...Don't even bother to understand her logic..

Elledouble · 30/01/2016 15:30

Ha, fuck'em. My folks have started making comments about "still" BFing (my son is 9 months old) because apparently my siblings and I had self-weaned by now. I just say that I'll carry on as long as he wants to. I'd like to make it to 1yo, just cos I'm lazy and don't want to have to faff about with sterilising bottles Blush

I've only had nice comments - had an older man walk past in a hospital canteen, beaming smile and just saying "beautiful!". And a woman said to me "he's in the best place!". I tend to feed in the koala hug position though, which I find is nice and discreet. And I do live in quite a lefty, hippie area so that might have something to do with it.

Ignore rude people, OP - they're saddos. Your baby is still so young!

AnotherTimeMaybe · 30/01/2016 15:33

Kirkenes so what if she has MH issues? Still bloody rude!!! What if OP suffered from depression? That would really throw her off!

Outaboutnowt · 30/01/2016 15:55

cruik yes I've heard that one too! But obviously not personally as I only bf for a few months and even then not exclusively.

I had a chat to an old friend on Fb last week who had a baby at the same time as me, and she is considering stopping bf because of pressure from her parents. I tried to support her to totally ignore them as she is quite happy still feeding (her DC is 16 months and only feeds morning and night) but her mum is insisting "it's time you stopped that now". Like its a nasty habit Hmm

Some people always pop up in these sort of conversations and say 'well I fed X amount of kids and never had any comments or looks'
Well great, I am really glad to hear that, but does that mean it never ever happens then?

Imo the vast majority of people do not care either way about bf but the odd loon has a problem with it for whatever reason.

I think cruik you are right in that some circles it's not the norm anymore and there's little understanding about it. I had a bit of a debate at work a couple of years ago with a (childless) colleague who thought a customer feeding should have covered up with a scarf. Nothing was said to the customer obviously. Colleague kept saying 'the key is to be discreet' Confused err no, the key is to shut up and mind your own business.

DixieNormas · 30/01/2016 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/01/2016 17:41

To the best of my recollection ive only ever had two weird comments about BF one was 22 years ago the other was about 2 years ago I was in a restaurant bar of a hotel with a group of friends (all male pensioners) and sat at the next table was a very drunk woman she started making comments and digs to her equally drunk friend and uttered the sentance "I thought they made that illegal"

I hadn't heard her but the 97 year old nearest had he stood up and said "no madam they legally protected it, however they did make being drunk and disorderly in public an offence shall we call the police or will you stop uttering such silly nonsence"