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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to spend my birthday with my children?

154 replies

SashaFierce99 · 29/01/2016 11:26

It's my (landmark) birthday tomorrow. The children have been really excited; making cards and banners, wrapping up pass the parcel and planning games to play and so on. DP let one dc pick me a present from the supermarket this morning when we were shopping but not my eldest (not his) who's since been crying about it. He listened to them planning party games and a surprise breakfast for tomorrow for over an hour this morning then announced that his parents (who have never babysat the dc and we see approximately five times per year) are arriving at 6 am because we're leaving then to go to a spa together for the day.

He's booked (but not paid for) massages, hair and make up appointments and then a table at a restaurant with the plan being we arrive home in time to put the dc to bed. The restaurant is in a hotel so I'm guessing he's booked a room as he keeps hinting at a surprise. I have never expressed a wish to go to a spa. I am girly but dont fuss over my appearance; I hate having my hair done and barely wear make up.

The dc all cried because they weren't 'invited to my birthday' and to be honest I'd rather be at home or wherever but with them, too. Aibu?

OP posts:
Lauren15 · 29/01/2016 19:45

Where on earth did that phrase come from MrsTerry?

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/01/2016 20:12

DH once showed me a science fair picture from the States. It had all these cool projects that children had done and one sad, tinfoil-covered cardboard monstrosity. With a large sign saying, "MouseHouse 3000" on it. Clearly the student concerned thought that the space-ageiness of tinfoil would hide the entire lack of effort. It tickled me.

It is very useful when DH and I are in a meeting or community project and we can whisper it to each other surreptitiously.

mintoil · 29/01/2016 20:18

Ring PILS and cancel them.

ohtheholidays · 29/01/2016 20:25

OP please tell me you've had words with him about not letting your oldest buy you a present?

And if you haven't already I'd be ringing his parents now and cancelling them and the spa.

I honestly don't believe that he's forgot that OP doesn't like the idea of going to a spa,I think he's been bloody thoughtless and booked it because he wants to go.

BreakfastAtStephanies · 29/01/2016 20:55

I think if I were in your shoes OP, I would take eldest DC to nearest 24 hour supermarket ( or petrol station shop ! They sell boxes of chocolates ) and give her some cash to buy something for you. If she is old enough she can go to checkout while you stand at a distance, so it is still a secret. She can wrap it or get a gift bag.

Failing that, perhaps you could choose something with her at a later date, when just the two of you are shopping.

I would go to the spa day, but try to delay the start so that you can enjoy the surprise breakfast your DC have sweetly planned for you.

coconutpie · 29/01/2016 21:00

I would be telling him thanks but no thanks. He listened to your DC all week excitedly plan your birthday and then he decides to book a spa day for you instead (when you've said you don't want one) and will have his parents rock up to your house at 6am? What a shitty birthday. I'm not a fan of spa days either but I would be particularly pissed off with a hair / makeup appointment booked for me - not my cup of tea at all.

Spend the day with your DC. Happy birthday Flowers

coconutpie · 29/01/2016 21:01

Oh and ring PILs and tell them that they are NOT to come tomorrow.

diddl · 29/01/2016 21:13

So how were you going to leave a breast fed baby for the day??

Ohfourfoxache · 29/01/2016 21:45

Well, if he quite fancies it then surely he an fuck off for the day and leave you to celebrate with your DC Hmm

Sorry, he sounds like a knob

merrymouse · 29/01/2016 21:52

I think you should spend the day with the people who have spent most time thinking about your birthday, which seems to be your children.

coconutpie · 29/01/2016 22:16

Missed where you said you have a breastfed baby - how does your DH expect you to leave your baby?!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/01/2016 01:24

Best option now - let your H and his mother go on the spa day, you stay at home with the DC and FIL can do whatever.

differentnameforthis · 30/01/2016 03:53

Tried to do something lovely for the op? Really?

Let his own child pick a present for op, excluding her child from the process, which led to upset.

Bought the present from a supermarket. While op was there.

Planned a day away "possibly with hotel room" (read, wanted a kid free shag) all day, has booked hair/make up appointments for op & doesn't realise that she wouldn't want this...

This isn't about the op at all. He wants her made up/hair done so he can cart her off for a meal & a shag.

IF he knew his partner, he would have booked her a spa day ON HER OWN, leaving out make up/hair while he stayed with the kids! So she would relax on her own.

I am astonished that anyone thinks this is controlling. I truly am. He has given her no choice as to where to spend her birthday. That isn't lovely, it IS controlling.

come on guys pick a joint present for mummy. ok we've been here 20 minutes now we'll go for this one Op was there, so why are you dismissing her account of what happened?

TBH I think you sound like a spoilt princess. Wow! Op doesn't want to be dressed up & paraded around, with all that leading up to a shag, doesn't want her children excluded from her day & she is a spoilt princess?? Why does the op HAVE to do what her partner planned? Why does she have to be "grateful for this lovely day" (paraphrasing) because her dp booked it? Do we all have to do what we don't want, in order to please the men in our lives?

hopelesslydevotedtoGu · 30/01/2016 04:19

Happy birthday OP Cake

If it's not too late, for your birthday I would personally make a compromise, if you can still enjoy the day that way. If possible rearrange the spa day to another day (with the hair and make up cancelled) and have the day with the kids. Or, have breakfast with your kids in the morning, go to the spa in the afternoon (hair and make up cancelled), and have your PIL help the kids plan a special something for the next day/ that evening for you, so they feel involved. Make the dinner booking early so you get home at a decent time, or even cancel the dinner booking.

If you wouldn't enjoy the day at all I do think it is reasonable to cancel given that he only booked it the day before- this is not some carefully planned surprise, this was a panic booking! Daft to not enjoy your birthday to spare his feelings given he didn't put thought or planning in.

differentnameforthis · 30/01/2016 04:24

Putting in the thought? That's the thing...he HASN'T put in any thought, because if he had, he would know that op wouldn't like a spa break!

It is very easy to just think something up on the spot & go with it. It takes longer to actually KNOW what someone would like.

DragonboysMum · 30/01/2016 06:59

Happy Birthday OP ThanksCake
I hope you have a nice day, whatever you end up doing.

spanky2 · 30/01/2016 08:47

Happy birthday! I hope you have a lovely day.Flowers

diddl · 30/01/2016 08:49

Happy Birthday, OP!

Hope you're in bed with a cuppa & your kids!

Ohfourfoxache · 30/01/2016 11:20

Happy birthday! Cake

CheesyWeez · 30/01/2016 12:06

Tell us what happened Sasha, I think you might have gone along with it this time. I'd have done that, and made a plan for enjoying the Landmark+1 birthday with my own ideas.
Have a lovely day tomorrow instead with the games & kids and so on.
Happy Birthday Flowers

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/01/2016 12:18

Happy Birthday Sasha - hope you're having the birthday you actually wanted ThanksWineCakeChocolate

Fratelli · 30/01/2016 12:27

Happy birthday!

RaskolnikovsGarret · 30/01/2016 13:05

Happy birthday! Chocolate

EeyoresTail · 31/01/2016 12:34

Belated Happy Birthday OP Flowers
I hope you were able to do what you wanted

MTPurse · 31/01/2016 12:37

So how was your birthday Op, Did you get it sorted?