To wish I had slept around a bit

[Dollymixtureyumyum]

That's is really
Married 10 years, DH is my one and only sex wise and I am his.
Met quite young and did some heavy petting with others boys but never the full deed.
I love DH but can't help thinking I have never really had great mind blowing sex and now never will.
Anyone else feel this way

I think shagging around is massively overrated!

I have done my fair share and it has left me feeling cheap sometimes.

Sex with someone you love and who loves you is really the best sex ever! It is the only sex worth having in my view!

I was 18 when I met dh and a virgin. Dh was 19 and not a virgin but hadn't had much experience. I don't regret it for one instant. And I would never tell my children to sow their wild oats before settling down. If that's what they want to do then absolutely fine but if they've found who they want to be with then why leave them to go and sleep around for a bit? I would have regretted that more because my dh is my best friend and that is more important to me than anything else. Tbf we have a great sex life and I never feel I'm missing out or have missed out. I guess I've sometimes wondered about it but never regretted it. I don't want to sleep with anyone else.

But yanbu for thinking about it. I just think appreciate what you've got (which I know you do from reading your posts).

Just read some of the posts about possible laziness on your dh part. I wouldn't put up with that it needs sorting but doesn't mean sleeping around would be a good thing for you !

My best friend, who like you was a virgin when she met her DH, said she doesn't miss what she never had. Unlike you, she is still having what she feels is satisfying sex.

I, on the other hand, went round the block a few times before getting married and know I am missing out hugely. You need to talk to your lazy husband. Unfortunately, mine isn't listening.

If you have never had it with your husband you may just not be wired up this way.

Bollocks. A few kisses and then being pulled on top is not the way to an orgasm. My ex was my first and he had very little experience. I hadn't had a single orgasm until we went to sex therapy in the process of splitting up. Since then I've slept with a couple of handfuls (!) of men. Some have been great, some have been crap, but I've learned a lot about what works for me (mostly from the relationships, not the flings) and I now orgasm virtually every time. Demand foreplay, use lube and start enjoying it more! Him having a low sex drive is tricky though. Maybe talk to him about how you feel?

Ah yes, did this during my late teens and entire 20's - what wild years they were! Some very happy memories there but as someone said above I wouldn't have married any of them. Especially the one that gave me herpes . All said and done I am now celebrating my 10th year with my husband and 3 children later we are certainly in the 'comfortable but needs spicing up a bit after 3 kids' phase which has its ups and downs (sorry couldn't resist!). I have thought about other men, but would never dare mess up my happy marriage now, mainly due to the fact that the other men I think of are taken (beckham, clooney, etc)

I mer exh at 17, first for both of us. Married him and wondered for ages what it would be like to sleep with someone else just like you are. He turned out to be a total bastard and after our divorce I decided to find out what I was missing. Not that much it turned out (apart from one).

I then married my now dh and this is what I learnt.. all sex can get boring and monotonous. As you get older you still enjoy it.. but being with someone kind intelligent and loving really trumps anything else. It's just so worth making the effort to find ways of enjoying sex with someone like that.

He sounds lazy and as if he can't be bothered. Dump him and go and shag the man at work. Some of my best sex was no strings attached sex.

Couples Sex Counselling and/or therapy.

Seriously.

If some other problem or imbalance was threatening your marriage (and no matter what you say about never playing away, this is threatening your marriage) you wouldn't think twice about seeking help to save it.

"It's about being unselfish and generous to the person you are supposed to love."

and this ^^ is how you explain to him that seeking such help together is non-negotiable.

Does he freely kiss you at other times, Dollymixture? Freely cuddle you, for example, to comfort you?

The fact that he wants foreplay (you giving oral) then wants you on top (sitting on his penis, I'm guessing, not lying with full body contact) suggests that there is a much bigger problem here (than "never really having great mind blowing sex").
It sounds like he is allowing things like genital contact (to get him ready for sex and then, obviously, in actually doing it), but he is not allowing intimacy.
It might seem strange to say that, given that you are having sex, but if you think about it the intimacy mostly comes from all the other things a couple do before, during and after penetration. Often simple things, like how he holds you, strokes you, interacts with you during penetration.

You don't need to sleep around you just need a decent sex life. My DP is my one and only, and I can honestly say I have never thought I have missed out. I wasn't his first though, which I am grateful for!

It's a shame your DH won't try oral. He might find he enjoys it because you do. My DP loves it for this reason. I return the favour for him and I enjoy it because he does.

I am not sure what the answer I for you, but it sounds like he has issues which may take more than talking between you to fix.

"If you have never had it with your husband you may just not be wired up this way."

How so? She says she can orgasm alone easily, which means she should be able to orgasm with her partner - perhaps not by penetration, but if your sex life consists mainly of penetration you're not likely to be orgasming that much anyway. Her partner won't perform oral sex on her, and he sounds lazy and selfish. Of course she doesn't get to orgasm.

Her first step on the road to regular orgasms would be the divorce court...

I slept around a bit before I got married but only with men unfortunately. Whilst my sex life is generally good I do often wish I'd slept with some women too. If my gay friends are to be believed, oral is a bit higher up the agenda for lesbians. I'd really like to find out.

I'm going to go against the MN tide and say something that I know doesn't tend to go down well here, which is that I think you should try a small discreet affair with the colleague. To be really radical about this - you might even do this with DH's knowledge and approval - "look you seem to have no interest in this, let me have some fun elsewhere. Use it or lose it - or at least let someone else have some" I've never understood why some flexibility in this way can't be the saving of a relationship. Especially if it's got so bad you'd be thinking about leaving him. It's a way to keep the relationship intact. Plenty of people release the pressure in their relationship in this way, it's just societal hypocrisy prevents people admitting it. But yeah, I know this won't go down well on here so I might regret posting it. But if you gave the colleague a little test drive just to see how you enjoyed that - I for one wouldn't judge you for that!

I have stayed in a relationship longer than I should have because the man was really into giving oral. I don't think I would consider a man who didn't want to give in that way.

This can't be doing your self esteem much good.