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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I had slept around a bit

139 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 14:11

That's is really
Married 10 years, DH is my one and only sex wise and I am his.
Met quite young and did some heavy petting with others boys but never the full deed.
I love DH but can't help thinking I have never really had great mind blowing sex and now never will.
Anyone else feel this way

OP posts:
whatevva · 28/01/2016 16:54

He is watching porn before he has sex with you to get him in the mood - alone? Surely he should be with you to get him in the mood. No wonder there is no foreplay. He is sounding beyond lazy Sad

Elledouble · 28/01/2016 17:00

I was reasonably promiscuous in my early 20s. I can hand on heart say I have never had good sex outside of at least a FWB relationship. I've never had a good ONS!

Helmetbymidnight · 28/01/2016 17:04

Um, I think if you had slept around a bit you would have found your dh is unusually lazy/selfish in bed. Sorry.

I'd talk with him, try and get him to understand this is a big thing.

I would be surprised if his lack of interest in your well being doesn't come out in other ways.

ClarenceTheLion · 28/01/2016 17:15

In your shoes OP, I'd be bitterly regretting it as well. Of course you might just have ended up with more men who were useless in bed...

The sort of behaviour you describe is what I would expect from a one night stand who didn't give a shit about me. Your partner is being a dick. And this is where my mean side comes out and I want to tell you to look for ways to make his sex life shit too Grin

My mature side though, thinks you need to explore this issue, bring it out into the open 'Our sex life is utter crap and I'm not happy. How can we fix this?' If he can't or won't help make it better, consider moving on. You shouldn't be facing 50 plus years of this.

tilliebob · 28/01/2016 17:19

I've only slept with my DH and I don't need to compare him. We've had some adventures over the years, he knows exactly what to do to push my buttons and we sod off for dirty weekends whenever we can.

It can be frantic, dirty, lazy or whatever. Almost 30 years with only him (and vice versa) and it just gets better. We've come a long way from two virginal teens Wink

Goingtobeawesome · 28/01/2016 17:23

I wish I'd waited for DH but given my first time was most definitely not my choice (though didn't realise at the time) there didn't seem any point not sleeping with my next boyfriend who was my ex. and should have been my first

ClarenceTheLion · 28/01/2016 17:23

And that ^ is how it should be OP. I hope things get better for you.

ClarenceTheLion · 28/01/2016 17:24

*referring to tilliebobs post. Unfortunate x-post, sorry!

Allyearcheer · 28/01/2016 17:27

Well I did sleep around a bit and kinda wished I hadn't. Just ended up having sexwith guys who I then didn't really like. Never had mind blowing sex either. Sleeping around doesn't guarantee this. If you have never had it with your husband you may just not be wired up this way.

Allyearcheer · 28/01/2016 17:32

Sorry, never read full thread before posting about your dh being a lazy arse sex wise. That is the problem really, not whether you had more sex before marriage.

AnyFucker · 28/01/2016 17:32

he watched porn before he slept with me to get him in the mood

Jesus, what a fucking insult. I'd never suck his cock again.

ExtraBlessings · 28/01/2016 17:34

I put it about joyfully with a FULL BUSH

FaFoutis you have made my day

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 28/01/2016 17:43

Oh honey, it's not that you are missing out on sex with other men, it's that the sex you are having with the one man you have is way below par.
I think I would probably walk away from a man just for telling me I need a bald fanjo for him to deign to get down there. Urgh. ( I too have put it about with a full bush. In fact, with younger men i have on occasion been their first bush experience. Wink)
Life's too short. Ditch him, be actual friends with him, and find yourself a man who actually wants to have sex with you.
You deserve it.

TheCarpenter · 28/01/2016 18:00

If you have never had it with your husband you may just not be wired up this way.

Bollocks to that, OP is able to climax alone. Come on man, it's 2016, we're modern women. We're allowed to enjoy sex now. Not wired my arse.

MamaLazarou · 28/01/2016 18:02

YANBU, I slept around loads before I met DH and had a brilliant time.

Talk to your DH and tell him how important it is to you to improve your sex life. If he is as caring and devoted as you have said, he will want to make the effort.

frogletsproglets · 28/01/2016 18:10

op yanbu

tbh I wish I had and I have been with about 12

Blush
Polyethyl · 28/01/2016 18:11

I had a few one night stands in my youth. They were rubbish sex. All that fumbling, kissing and thrusting does not make an earth moving experience. The best sex has, for me, always been from loving relationships.

frogletsproglets · 28/01/2016 18:12

personally I could never stay with someone if they were the only one I had slept with I would always be wondering

in my case everyone I slept with up till I was 27 was shit. although at the time I thought they were ok. then the last two were good and I am with DH2 now who is amazing

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 18:17

To tell you the truth even though porn at one point was a problem I have not caught him with it for a while and have not seen any signs of him using it. Internet history has not been deleted.
I just think he has lost interest full stop

OP posts:
MarshmallowSunday · 28/01/2016 18:39

I don't think it's necessarily that you didn't put it about a bit and more to do with the fact your DH is lazy and selfish in bed and it's making you think you've missed out.

If you had experienced mind blowing sex before him then you would still be missing out now.

The issue is definitely your sex life at the moment with your lazy DH who isn't interested in pleasing you sexually. No one starts off being amazing in bed, it takes practice and interest in what turns the other person on.

And no oral sex?? Fuck that! Especially when he's receiving it from you! And yes, the fact he'll only do it when you're bald down there does sound like an excuse! Hmm

Think a frank and honest chat with your DH is in order OP.

ImogenTubbs · 28/01/2016 20:01

I did sleep around a bit - 25+ guys before DH. Had some amazing sex, some awful sex, some memorable, some forgettable, some life enhancing, some degrading. I never felt slutty, it was just an adventure.

With DH it is special. No, it doesn't always beat the best I've had before (in a purely physical sense), but because it's him I don't want anyone else.

It seems your issue is not exactly that you wished you'd slept around before your DH, but that you're not happy with your DH. Is that fair?

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 20:24

I would say that is very fair

OP posts:
FellOutOfBedTwice · 28/01/2016 20:33

You deserve better OP. I broke up with my very nice and kind and funny fiancé because he was a shocking shag and lazy in bed. You can't substitute a decent sex life with any other qualities.

wotevaaaa · 28/01/2016 20:38

Yes yes to Felloutofbed, sex is the kernal of a relationship. Start chipping away at that & intimacy, respect etc start eroding too. For me now, good sex is central.

ZebraLovesKnitting · 28/01/2016 20:45

I have a very low sex drive, most of the time I'd be happy to never have sex again. I know DH likes and wants/needs it though, from both a physical/libido and a psychological point of view. So I do try. He's bought many different sex toys over the years and we've used them. For some reason I often feel embarrassed though. We both do oral too. Your DH sounds like he's not even trying though.

Do you think it would help to sort of schedule a night? That helps me. I had gotten to the point where I dreaded going to bed because I didn't know if I was going to be pestered for sex or not. And tbh, a lot of the time I was annoyed that I was missing out on sleep and worried I'd be tired the next day. DH doesn't do quickies though, tbh he has issues with premature ejaculation and I think rather over-compensates with the foreplay. (I really wish he didn't have this issue though, I sometimes just really feel like I want a good dose of penetrative sex, I think I would probably enjoy sex more and so want it more often if he could.)

Anyway, we now have a thing where if we go to bed after 10:30pm then sex is off the cards. It's helped with my dislike of it a lot.

I really think your DH needs to appreciate just how important sex is to you, both physically and mentally.