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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish I had slept around a bit

139 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 14:11

That's is really
Married 10 years, DH is my one and only sex wise and I am his.
Met quite young and did some heavy petting with others boys but never the full deed.
I love DH but can't help thinking I have never really had great mind blowing sex and now never will.
Anyone else feel this way

OP posts:

TinklyLittleLaugh · 28/01/2016 14:55

It's not about Viagra though is it? It's about being unselfish and generous to the person you are supposed to love.

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 14:55

And yes I do give him oral and always have.

OP posts:

FaFoutis · 28/01/2016 14:56

The OP has tried everything by the sounds of things (except the man at work).

Is this you thinking through the man at work problem OP (I don't blame you!)?

JohnLuther · 28/01/2016 14:57

It really turns me on when my wife grabs me and whispers 'Let's fuck' in my ear

Maybe he has a low sex drive?

Battleshiphips2 · 28/01/2016 14:57

A man can be taught to be a good lover. My DH was a virgin when we got together but I wasn't (had never had really amazing sex though). At first it was nice but not breathtaking amazing for me. Then I started asking him to do different things, experimenting with different positions etc. We've been together 12 and a half years now and married for 10 of those years and I can honestly say now we have amazing sex. We've only done it about 2 times in the past 7 months as I am pg and had placental haemorrhages since quite early on. We've both really missed it but as he is being a fantastic husband and has had to take on doing everything for our ds and all the housework as well as doing his physical full time job I am making sure he is getting satisfied still. We are looking forward to resuming it after baby is born! Do you include lots of foreplay?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 28/01/2016 14:58

Well I wouldn't be giving him any more oral for a start.

hefzi · 28/01/2016 14:59

Buy him a vibrating prostate massager, and see if that makes him any more enthusiastic!

I honestly don't have any suggestions - but I'm glad I have the option to try before I buy Could you perhaps invest more time and energy in solo satisfaction? I know that's not at all the same as your husband wanting to give you pleasure and blow your mind, but it might make things less unsatisfying at least? And have you asked him whether there's anything wrong etc? Stress and depression, as well as certain meds, sometimes have a dampening effect on the libido. If there's nothing wrong, and he's just not that into sex, then I think you'll have to compromise a bit - more than he's giving now, but less than you want: but I think sitting down and talking about it (so not when you're in bed etc) is the way forward.

Gottagetmoving · 28/01/2016 14:59

You wouldn't have necessarily had mind blowing sex by sleeping around before you married your DH.
I slept with a few people before I met my DP and none of it was ever mind blowing. It was only after I met DP that I had a real good experience with sex.
Your DH sounds a bit inhibited about it. Not everyone is mad about sex. A sex therapist may help?

Twinklestein · 28/01/2016 15:00

Well you could laser your lala with a Lumea, but I don't see why you should bloody have to.

Does he shave for you to give him bjs?

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 15:00

Foreplay basically consists of a few kisses and him pulling me on top.
I have been kidding myself on how bad it is. I don't honestly think it will get better.
I need to make a decision if I can cope with this for the rest of my life

OP posts:

Battleshiphips2 · 28/01/2016 15:01

The thread has moved on quite a bit since I started my post, I got waylaid getting a drink and giving the dog a cuddle. I can see you have tried to do things to spice it up so just ignore my previous post! Sorry op. It must be frustrating for you.

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 15:02

Does he heck shave. To tell you the truth it is just an excuse. He knows I won't wax as the pain with my fibro would be too much. So that's his get out card

OP posts:

Twinklestein · 28/01/2016 15:04

I had 4 bfs before my husband, never had a ons. I had some amazing sex, but not more so than with my husband and I can't really remember it now tbh.

I think the lack of prior experience is a separate issue from your DH's lack of sex drive.

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 15:04

The man at work would be the opposite to my DH I would have thought. Poss amazing in bed but a shit partner and dad. (I know some of his ex partners).
But as I said before I will set not be going there

OP posts:

Twinklestein · 28/01/2016 15:06

Well then stop giving him bjs full stop. See how he likes it.

He has no impetus to change if you give him what he wants.

FaFoutis · 28/01/2016 15:06

You are a strong woman Dolly.

seven201 · 28/01/2016 15:06

Do you orgasm with him?

I think he sounds like a very selfish lover. Definitely stop giving him oral unless he gives you some. You need to tell him that you're not fulfilled and that he has to try doing what you want. He sounds like he's living in the 50's!

My husband refuses to try sex toys and it really annoys me. He's good at other stuff though.

I wish I was more promiscuous when I had the chance. I never had a one night stand with full sex and had lots of opportunities. I don't really know why I didn't. I have had quite a few boyfriends though. I'm pregnant and keep having really wild sex dreams with ex boyfriends or z list celebrities that I don't fancy in real life. Had an amazing dream involving ed Sheeran in an attic.

AskingForAPal · 28/01/2016 15:06

He's soooooo lazy. So sex for him is either lie there and get his cock sucked or lie there and let you bounce on it? Wow. Poor you.

What have you said to him so far? Presumably not "We really need to talk about our sex life as I'm not finding it satisfying any more."

imwithspud · 28/01/2016 15:06

Yanbu, I think a lot of people feel this way. It's how you deal with it that matters.

I was 18 when me and dp got together. But from ages 16-18 I had a 'mad couple of years' as I like to put it. To be honest though, I look back on that time and feel a bit embarrassed by it all. I was very young (the guys I got involved with were the same or similar age bracket) and didn't have a clue what I was doing! Fun at the time but I also remember thinking to myself that I need to tone it down a bit otherwise people might get the wrong idea about me although some of my friends were much worse.

I would maybe try working on things in the bedroom department. There's always room for improvement on both sides I think.

AskingForAPal · 28/01/2016 15:08

If you kept up an orgasm scoreboard, what do you reckon the scores on it would be? (just including those had during sex together, not masturbation when the other isn't around)

peggyundercrackers · 28/01/2016 15:08

getting a drink and giving the dog a cuddle

This is a thread about sex and your giving the dog a cuddle - are things that bad? Are you posting on the right forum?

Battleshiphips2 · 28/01/2016 15:09

A few kisses isn't foreplay! That's what my DH use to do first of all but I actually told him that it wasn't good enough. Now foreplay includes all kinds of things. You might have to bite the bullet and tell him straight.

hefzi · 28/01/2016 15:10

Is he a bit lazy in other areas too?

DorotheaHomeAlone · 28/01/2016 15:12

I'm surprised so many posters are glossing over the no oral thing. He's never even given it a go? That is crap. Most women can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation and personally I wouldn't have married someone who showed so little interest in my sexual pleasure. I'd really gave a go at reopening that conversation if you can. Good luck. This sounds frustrating in every sense.

Battleshiphips2 · 28/01/2016 15:12

It was either that or listen to him barking at the postman for 15 mins! Distraction techniques.

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