Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I had slept around a bit

139 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 14:11

That's is really
Married 10 years, DH is my one and only sex wise and I am his.
Met quite young and did some heavy petting with others boys but never the full deed.
I love DH but can't help thinking I have never really had great mind blowing sex and now never will.
Anyone else feel this way

OP posts:
ArriettyMatilda · 28/01/2016 15:15

Well dp was my first and after a break up and reconciliation I hope he'll be my last. I certainly went round the block in the mean time, I'm afraid I do regret some of it as I ended up having unprotected sex with a vile man, who'd apparently slept with hundred of women. If I could turn back time I'd probably still go for the others but I'd definitely leave him at the taxi rank. You've got me thinking I do miss the thrill of it all, not knowing who you'd meet and how the night would end. Probably like you it's all just a bit predictable now as we know each others bodies like our own. It was not necessarily better with others just very different.

Mari50 · 28/01/2016 15:17

YANBU, but it is swings and roundabouts, I have some great memories of fab sex with some really lovely guys but at the same time inhale some experiences that make me cringe and want to hide in a hole. But I'm glad I was adventurous when I was young and gorgeous (haha) because I certainly couldn't be now. And wouldn't want to be tbh

Mari50 · 28/01/2016 15:18

Inhale!?? I had

imwithspud · 28/01/2016 15:18

Whoops, didn't read the whole thread before posting.

My dp does not enjoy giving oral, it's not my favourite thing In the world anyway but it's nice occasionally. He does try to 'make up' for it in other ways though. We would have a problem otherwise as he loves receiving and I do that for him quite often and I'm bloody good at it if I do say so myself. Doesn't sound like your dp is making any effort what so ever. That's not on.

AnUtterIdiot · 28/01/2016 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArriettyMatilda · 28/01/2016 15:20

It does sound like your problem is more about sex with your dp, rather than what you could have done pre dp.

LemonySmithit · 28/01/2016 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOptimisticPessimist · 28/01/2016 15:21

I slept around a little in my last year of uni when I started working in a bar after my first relationship. I'm glad I did it because I know if I hadn't I'd be exceptionally curious! I found that while it was exciting at first I grew out of it fairly quickly and realised that the sex was more likely to be mediocre. When the thrill wore off I settled back into relationships and am happy that it's all behind me.

The best part is that the wildest, most perfect passionate sex I've ever had is with my DP. He's definitely a keeper Grin

mrsleomcgary · 28/01/2016 15:24

I think the same. Got together with dh age 17 and he's been my only sexual partner. Never even came close with another guy,i was one of those girls that guys like to be friends with,not go out with.

I dont even think i'm missing out by not having slept with anyone else,just curious about what it would be like!

AnUtterIdiot · 28/01/2016 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eloquent · 28/01/2016 15:31

I was like you. We split up, this being one of the major reasons.

All i can suggest is talking. Never worked for me though, i'm sorry to say.

Junosmum · 28/01/2016 15:34

You regret things you didn't do more- so true. I'm a proper slut (or was pre DH, but so was he). I've had crap sex and I've had amazing, mind-blown, like-in-the-movies sex and everything inbetween. And I don't regret it. I regret the odd bad choice, but not really. I also kind of wish I'd slept with a few more I turned down. Oh well, DH is it for me now, if we ever have sex again (3 weeks post traumatic birth, the thought of anyone going near my 'area' fills me with dread!

Norest · 28/01/2016 15:38

He sounds lazy and selfish in bed. Not even bothering to do much foreplay and making you do ll the work whilst he lies there? Accepting oral sex but using a flimsy excuse to not even try with you?

There is no way I would want to have my sex life like that for the rest of my life.

Thing is people often say that mindblowing 'movie sex' stuff doesn't exist. But it does. I've experienced it with more than one person. But it does usually take both partners being into it, wanting to please each other, to explore and so on.

Sex is not the be all and end all of course. But I do feel sad for anyone who never gets to experience the sort of sex you know you are going to remember for the rest of your life and smile every time you do. It is out there.

Norest · 28/01/2016 15:40

also..I don't think it is really always about how many, but more about what the people involved are like.

Great sex only works regularly in my view if both people invovled want to put the effort in to achieve it.

Quornmakesmefart · 28/01/2016 16:07

It's not on that he won't give you oral but you do it for him - I would stop that and see how he likes it.

And I do think you need to sit him down and have a talk about how you're feeling. Either that or a few years down the line you could find yourself not being quite as good at being 'good' around men at work...

I was a (little) bit of a slut when I was single - DH was a huge slut. I'm glad we were tbh.

Quornmakesmefart · 28/01/2016 16:08

Also alarm bells rang for me when you said he was a Virginia at 24 when you met. Does he have some issues around sex that he maybe needs help with (ie professionally)?

TheCarpenter · 28/01/2016 16:14

Great sex only works regularly in my view if both people invovled want to put the effort in to achieve it.

This this this. It's fuck all to do with technique and everything to do with listening to your partner and trying hard. If he doesn't want to do that I'd be rethinking my own efforts.

Prudish, but not too prudish to have you suck his dick and ride him? Wrong -ish. Selfish, not prudish.

Differing sex drives can be difficult, and no one should ever feel forced or coerced into anything. But you can't have one partner lying there getting his rocks off while the other puts in all the effort and feels sexually neglected.

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 16:17

I have had 2 orgasms with him in the last year and loads without him.
I feel like I am married to my best friend rather then married to my lover.
I think he may have issue around sex but seems to have no problem watching porn.
Once when I caught him watching porn he told me he watched porn before he slept with me to get him in the mood

OP posts:
wotevaaaa · 28/01/2016 16:18

I'm in my mid-forties and I can hand on my heart say I'm having mind-blowingly fabulous sex. I missed out for many years with a dh who wasn't interested. I can't believe anyone would refuse oral in this day & age, it's such a beautiful thing to give & receive. It sounds like the dynamic of your relationship needs an overhaul. Two people in tune with one another will spark off one another & have fabulous sex. No oral would be a deal-breaker for me.

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/01/2016 16:18

We very nearly spilt up over that

OP posts:
wotevaaaa · 28/01/2016 16:20

Two orgasms in the last year Fuck that, I've usually had two in the first hour. You're missing out op.

BoomBoomsCousin · 28/01/2016 16:23

Can you just play this on repeat until he gets the message:

SweetCheeks99 · 28/01/2016 16:36

buy yourself a clitoral vibrator in a non-threatening shape, try it out & get to know it & how it works.

then next time you're on top, use it at the same time. it will improve things enormously... you can always use it on him too, during foreplay or oral, on his perineum say.

would you say he still has a problem with porn? is he preferring that to having better sex with you? because that might need a serious discussion.

being more experienced in advance would not necessarily help you now, it's all in the attitude of how you are together - I met my DH when we were both 16, we have great sex still after 34 years. he is attentive and happy to try new things out. it is maybe more difficult when children are small, sex is much better when they're old enough to go out! but you both have to have to will to make it work. if he doesn't have the will that's quite a serious issue - you can't just put that side of your life on the shelf for too long, you'll get more and more miserable & resentful...

Rebelwithoutapause · 28/01/2016 16:41

Yanbu.

I am in almost the same circ, except I had had sex with one other before H. He had slept with a few more.

It may not help you to hear that we have separated as a couple, although still sharing a house. Separate rooms. For many, many reasons, not all because of sex.

But for a long time I also felt that I didn't want to go through rest of life not having sex with anyone else. However this might be a symptom of falling out of love rather than the reason for it.

Headmelt · 28/01/2016 16:46

Your Dh might have a health problem. It could be low iron level, thyroid function and testosterone imbalance. Send him to his gp for a blood work up.

Yanbu to feel frustrated but yabu to believe that having ons and sex with randoms would be any better.