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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not getting party invite

59 replies

SpecialLittleLady · 27/01/2016 18:11

My daughter has a tight group of friends . One of the girls is having a birthday party but has not invited my daughter or half of the group of 6 girls. My daughter and her friends are upset at not being invited as they are all so close. Would I be unreasonable to speak to the mother to suggest that this might tear the group apart when they have all been BFFs since preschool?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 27/01/2016 18:13

YABU. It's not your concern to tell someone who they should or shouldn't invite to their DC's party.
Maybe they are doing an activity that costs, and are on a budget, hence the limited number of invites.

It's not even as if you're DD is the only one not invited.

Really, just leave it.

19lottie82 · 27/01/2016 18:15

Also, you don't say how old these girls are, but friendships change. You can't expect a group of 6 girls who were best friends in pre school to stay together forever.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 27/01/2016 18:16

Yes, you would be very U.

You've not said how old they are now but in most cases BFF's since preschool will eventually go their separate ways.

Your job is to help your dd to get over her disappointment and move on.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/01/2016 18:16

Well it's not nice but they can invite whoever they like so I don't think you can raise it with the mum. I'm guessing that they are probably limited by costs as to how many can be invited. My DD hasn't been invited to a party all this school year including those of good friends who we invited to hers. She's starting to feel hurt but what can I do? How old are the girls?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/01/2016 18:20

Ynbu. I hate kids being left out. Let the clique cunt of a mother stick the party up her sweaty A hole. Your dd's not short of a jelly

LagunaBubbles · 27/01/2016 18:20

How old are they? Whilst I understand you dont like seeing your DD disappointed and upset you would be unreasonable speaking to the girls Mum.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 27/01/2016 18:23

1/10

Original poster
SpecialLittleLady · 27/01/2016 18:24

It's a 7th party so they are aged 6 to 7. I don't want to seem like some angry over protective mumbeast but it's such an odd thing to do. It's not an activity party where cost would be an issue and it's not a space limited ether. Obviously I don't want to say too much but I'm just worried that there might be more to it Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
SpecialLittleLady · 27/01/2016 18:26

Cunty what is 1/10 ?

OP posts:
Brightnorthernlights · 27/01/2016 18:26

Maybe the birthday girl (or her parents) wants to expand her friendship base? 'Tight groups' at Primary can and usually do break down at some point.

Katenka · 27/01/2016 18:28

Are you for real?

It will 'tear the group apart'??

Really?

The child has invited who she wanted. No child should be forced to invite another child to not risk 'tearing the group apart'.

You do realise it's very unlikely they will be friends forever don't you?

I think if I was the mother and you said that to me I think I would actually laugh.

You may be normally not this pfb but this is really unreasonable.

Brightnorthernlights · 27/01/2016 18:28

I've just seen that these girls are only 6 or 7. A tight group at that age should probably not be encouraged and possibly the party girls' parents understand that.

GloriaHotcakes · 27/01/2016 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 27/01/2016 18:29

There could be a million reasons, maybe the Mum feels her dd is too reliant on this group, maybe her dd has been left out by some of the others, maybe her dd doesn't feel the same way about the friendship group as your dd.

If it was all as close as you seem to think then it would be a very strange thing to do so there must be something else going on.

Don't go and question the Mum, it will be awkward and embarrassing for you both, especially if there are issues within the group you are unaware of.

Just move on, it happens, do something fun with your dd on party day instead.

Katenka · 27/01/2016 18:30

Obviously I don't want to say too much but I'm just worried that there might be more to it

So which is it? You don't want this party to tear the friendship apart or you are worried something has happened you are unaware of?

mouldycheesefan · 27/01/2016 18:42

It's fine. To to invite half the group, it's not one person uninvited. As they get older the party sizes do diminish by the time they are 8 it seems to be one or two close friends or no party and a visit to a theme park or similar instead.
Ywbu to mention it to party girls mum. Cringe.

LeaLeander · 27/01/2016 18:42

Yes, it would be wrong of you to call. They can invite whom they please and you don't know what the reasoning is.

It is rude however to discuss parties in the company of those who aren't invited. The fact that your daughter and other non-invitees are aware of the party is rude. If the kids can't keep quiet about it at school, they should not be told of the impending party till shortly before it; the parents can see to arrangements ahead of time.

Original poster
SpecialLittleLady · 27/01/2016 18:43

Well I'm wondering if the mum doesn't like my daughter although I don't see any evidence. I have picked her up from school when she gas cone round for tea. It's nit something you would do if you disapproved is it?

OP posts:
bakeoffcake · 27/01/2016 18:45

How many children have been invited to the party?

The party girl may just want to widen her cycle of friends. At least it's not just one person being left out. Just forget about it.

Floggingmolly · 27/01/2016 18:45

But she hasn't invited half the group... Confused

Goingtobeawesome · 27/01/2016 18:48

If it tears them apart they aren't true friends or maybe need a chat about maturity and that you can't always do everything.

Do not ask the mother.

BYOSnowman · 27/01/2016 18:48

You are way overthinking this. She hasn't singled out your dd.

Stand back!!

emsyj · 27/01/2016 18:49

At that age, my personal experience is that a lot of parents invite their own friends and their DCS rather than the children's actual friends IYSWIM. Just leave it.

AliAliAlium · 27/01/2016 18:51

To be clear, is the birthday child having a larger party which includes 2 of this group of girls and other children? Or is she just having 2 of the group round for a very small thing?

If the former, YANBU to feel upset, but you would be unreasonable to say something. If the latter, it's fine. All of my DC, at that sort of age, have / have had a number of children with whom they are very friendly, do playdates etc. I have often asked them to choose 2 or 3 for a birthday outing (because I don't want to do a large party, and because if numbers get much bigger then I feel that the floodgates have been opened and we're almost obliged to invite every child who we do playdates / have occasional reciprocal childcare arrangements with / were invited to their party, and it all gets out of hand). Who they actually choose is fairly random and not really a considered reflection of the state of their friendships - they've just picked a couple of their friends for their own 6 year old reasons, and I'm more than happy with that.

RubbleBubble00 · 27/01/2016 18:51

so has party girl invited 2/3 friends? if so pretty standard for an in the house tea party