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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend some of the kids' Christmas money on a meal out?

339 replies

Happythistime · 27/01/2016 17:34

Can't decide whether this sits right with me or not.

We are thinking of taking the kids to the Rainforest Cafe at the weekend. It is super expensive due to its central London location and themed interior. I want us to go and not wince at the prices and I know the kids will love it so am toying with using a little bit of their Christmas money that they've received from relatives to go towards the bill.

I think that if Christmas money I had given to a child went towards a nice day out, be it a meal or a show or something similar I'd be happy with that. Usually we just put their gift money straight into savings as they have more toys than they need. A bit of me worries though that people would see it as me and DH profiting from their xmas presents. We would obviously pay the bulk of it and only put a bit of their money towards enabling us to go and enjoy it without feeling resentful at the prices. AIBU?

OP posts:
Veritat · 30/01/2016 23:13

I wonder at what point people think it's no longer acceptable to appropriate money given to their children without asking them, even for family outings. School age? Secondary school age? 16? 18? And if they agree that there comes a point when they wouldn't do it, what is the logic behind that?

RainOhJoyus · 30/01/2016 23:51

OP hope you had a lovely meal. I think using the money for an experience such as the RFC is amazing.

Veritat, it's not stealing. The children will remember that present of the RFC much more than plastic tat, if I was the aunty I would be thrilled.

LeaLeander · 30/01/2016 23:56

The notion that it's stealing is just absolutely nuts.

Clearly anyone who gives money to little children does so with the implicit message of "parents, use this for a suitable treat for the girls."

To characterize that as "appropriating money" is crazy, quite frankly.

As to what age: I would say 10 is the earliest at which a child can - with parental supervision - dispose of money as she/he sees fit. Assuming appropriate lessons about saving part of one's income, reserving some to help the less fortunate and not buying an excess of depreciating, environmentally and intellectually destructive plastic crap or video go along with the parental permission.

In the larger picture, I would say any age up to the age of majority, any of the children's possessions are in control of the parents. If a 15-year-old received a gift of money from grandparents, the parents are quite within their rights to exert control over how it's spent. Even a 17-year-old, frankly.

LieselMeminger · 31/01/2016 01:47

If a 15-year-old received a gift of money from grandparents, the parents are quite within their rights to exert control over how it's spent. Even a 17-year-old, frankly.

My 16 yr old ds has his own bank account, he pays any money given to him as gifts and his wages from his part time job into it. It's his account and I can't take any money from it, I think I'd be committing a crime if I took his money out without his consent? If I went to his bank, asking to withdraw money from his account as I'm his mum, I'd be refused. if I had right to spend his money then wouldn't a second card, a copy of bank account details be sent to parents? He's been told to keep his PIN number safe and not to tell anyone it all, many children this age earn their own money through jobs, while I encourage him to spend wisely, I don't think I have a right to take his money from his account, with it without his knowledge and then spend it on what I think it should be used for.

Veritat · 31/01/2016 01:53

The crucial phrase in your post, Lea, is "anyone who gives money to little children". That's money given to the children, not money given to the parents to use as they like. When my children were little, if they were given money it was theirs to use as they liked. If my children at three years old fell in love with some toy, book or whatever, they could use the money to buy it; if not, we'd put it away for them. At six, my children were definitely old enough to look after their money (if necessary, we helped them bank larger amounts and take the money out as and when needed) and again use if for whatever they wanted. In both instances the spending would of course be under our supervision. The point is we would not take the money for a family outing we had chosen, no matter how child-orientated, unless maybe they offered it - and even then frankly it's highly unlikely that we'd take it.

Exerting control over how your children spend their money is not the same as taking it from them for whatever you have decided to spend it on.

Veritat · 31/01/2016 01:55

he children will remember that present of the RFC much more than plastic tat

I doubt it, frankly. How much do you remember of what you did when you were three, Rain? When it comes down to it it's just another restaurant selling bog-standard food.

LeaLeander · 31/01/2016 04:36

Orientated???

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 31/01/2016 08:48

I agree veritat. If I give money to a child it's so they can choose something for themselves on a shopping trip, it's not given to the parens to buy food with. If the parents want memories of a special place, then they pay.

CauliflowerBalti · 31/01/2016 08:58

I wouldn't have an issue spending the money on an experience. But not the Rainforest Cafe, or any meal actually. Food is fuel for children that age, it's not a treat. Even in novelty surroundings.

So in my head, I'd go to London, go to RC and pay for it myself, and use their money to buy the huge monkey they want from the shop, or something from the Natural History Museum or wherever else you go. You'll end up buying it anyway, the net bank balance effect will be the same, but they haven't spent their Christmas money on overpriced chicken nuggets.

OzzieFem · 31/01/2016 09:08

If the prices make you wince than you should go somewhere more reasonable. Taking money from your children just so you can go to an expensive place is wrong. The kids might enjoy going there but equally might enjoy a take away as well.

If you take money now what happens when you want to go to another expensive place? Will you use the same excuse? When will it stop? I've known other people who started doing this and it became "normal" for them to pilfer money from their kids money boxes.

LaurieMarlow · 31/01/2016 09:47

What hysterical nonsense from Veritat and co. Yes, the only morally righteous thing to do is give the kids free reign to spend on more plastic tat. Hmm Because I'm sure the OP would agree they don't have enough of it.

MultishirkingAgain · 31/01/2016 10:04

Can't believe this thread! The RFC is overpriced rubbish (pretty much food on a par with Macdonalds) and YABU completely to use their Christmas money to pay for it. There are so many far far better places in central London to eat with children - Chinatown is just around the corner. Or a Giraffe café if you really must take children to a "children's" café.

Teach them a little class, please ...

ScarlettDarling · 31/01/2016 10:06

Haven't read the full thread but the rainforest cafe is fab!

Your dc will love it and so I think it's a great way to spend their Christmas money. The gift shop above the cafe is a great place for them to spend some of their money too!

Veritat · 31/01/2016 10:09

Interesting that you find a basic statement of legal fact "hysterical nonsense", Laurie.

MultishirkingAgain · 31/01/2016 10:20

And frankly, if you can't afford to eat in a place, then you shouldn't go there.

LaurieMarlow · 31/01/2016 10:22

Ok Veritat. So are you suggesting informing the police? In your eyes the OP has therefore committed a crime.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 31/01/2016 10:28

Let us know how you get on OP! Considering taking my two in the summer.

Hope you have a great time

Blu · 31/01/2016 10:40

Multi shirking : can you recommend anywhere in China town that has thunderstorms, animatronic gorillas etc?

Sunbeam1112 · 31/01/2016 11:08

I disagree with you using your childrens money to spent on a meal! Thats a basic need which you should provide not them especially at 3 and 6. I just don't get how you can charge your DC for food. A place you want to go to not them. Let them take the money with them to spent on what they choose. I'm sure london will have plenty of shops.

multivac · 31/01/2016 11:09

"Stealing"

This thread is fabulous.

BathshebaDarkstone · 31/01/2016 11:13

I think that's lovely, they'll love it.

Sunbeam1112 · 31/01/2016 11:17

I actually agree with the statement it stealing. You don't take a childs christmas money to fund a meal out 15pounds each is alot. If i take my DC for a meal out its a treat on me. i dont charge them for the priviledge. if you can't afford it don't go.

Hulababy · 31/01/2016 11:19

Of course it is not stealing!!

Just like it wouldn't be stealing if the OP used the money to buy the child a toy without asking first. Or to pay for a day out ticket without asking first!

To say it is stealing is ridiculous! The OP is not taking the money is order to deprive the child of that money/value. They are using it to pay for something for that child!

Hulababy · 31/01/2016 11:21

And going to RFC is not a basic need. Providing food is a basic need which a parent should provide. RFC is not providing a basic meal - it is an experience for the children which she believes the children will enjoy, just like going to any other type of experience.

Hulababy · 31/01/2016 11:22

Surely stealing is when you take something for oneself, to deprive the other person of that item.

The op is not doing that.

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