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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To complain about this TA?

208 replies

angryschoolmum · 26/01/2016 16:15

I have name changed for this post due to ranting at a few people who I think are on here already.
My DD is 5, she left school today weeping due to the comments of a TA. She said that the TA had told the group 2 minutes left and so she rushed the last of her work. Then the TA said "this is awful" about her work.

I know sometimes 5 year olds tell few lies/fibs re school and what happens. When DD does this and I say I'll ask a teacher she will always backtrack and end up confessing she exaggerated/made it up. When I said I'd call school tonight she said "please do, I don't want to see Mrs XXX again".

WIBU to complain to the head as I don't think awful is a word to tell a five year old about their work? If she'd said something like "it's not your best", "we'll redo it tomorrow" or "I don't think you tried hard with this", surely that would be better at this age.

OP posts:
RubyRoseViolet · 27/01/2016 08:13

Hi op, I teach this age group and if a child in my class went home that upset about something that had been said in class I'd want to know about it and so would my TA. I care very much about the feelings of the children I teach and it would mortifying me if I'd made one of them feel so sad!! If this were Dd I think I might go in to speak to the teacher in a very non confrontational way fully accepting that your dd may have got the wrong end of the stick.

I'd say something like "I hope you don't mind me coming in, it's just that Dd got herself in a real state the other day when she was working with Ms, Jones. She was rushing to finish and she says Ms Jones said her work was terrible. I'm sure it wasn't said like that or meant to upset her but could you just have a word with Dd about it?"

Then the teacher can talk to the TA and it can be explained and resolved. If the TA was having a bad day they will think more carefully about the way they phrase things in future and if it was a misunderstanding that can be explained to your Dd.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 27/01/2016 08:24

I was being flippant about no TA working beyond 4.00, if other TA's are happy to do that that's great.

As I said I usually get into work earlier to get started on preparation, I do work with a very demanding Teacher and don't mind the earlier start but I'm off asap at the other end of the day.

I leave at 4.00 once any filing or other jobs are done, I'm not paid for that but it would be frowned upon if I left as soon as the children were collected.

No Teachers or TA's do Breakfast Club and I also work in a school with a very high number of Pupil Premium students, lots of TA's but they all leave once their class has cleared.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/01/2016 08:39

RubyRose is right, that's how I would have dealt with it had dd been that upset about something.

Unfortunately with the phone calls between TA/teacher/headteacher last night, that horse has sadly bolted.

Grapejuicerocks · 27/01/2016 09:34

The conversation at home should have gone
"Oh dear, Mrs x said your work was awful. Why do you think she said that? Did you rush it? Could you have worked a bit quicker before the two minute warning? She probably thought you could do much better. Perhaps she could have worded it in a slightly nicer way, but she was probably rushed or in a grumpy mood. Just do your best and don't worry about it"

If the child thought they had done their best then I would be concerned that the work was too difficult. Either way it is a complete over reaction to call the school over this one incident. All it teaches the child is that they can create drama over nothing. By all means monitor the situation discretely to ensure there are not lots of incidences like this and/or the work is not too hard for her, but to call the school over this is completely unreasonable.

I agree that if you do this regularly you will be known as one of "those" parents.

Grapejuicerocks · 27/01/2016 09:38

And who are the people that you have you ranted at previously, that have made you need a name change? Were they unreasonable rants over nothing too?

evenhasawatermark · 27/01/2016 10:24

Parents from school who agreed that it wasn't right.

evenhasawatermark · 27/01/2016 10:25

And I have gone back to my usual name to try stop the troll hunting.

Grapejuicerocks · 27/01/2016 10:44

But don't you agree that whilst it wasn't the best choice of word, that you might just have over reacted a bit?
Your dd is going to be in lots of situations with friends and teachers over the next few years, if you get involved and try to sort everything out for her she will never develop resilience or learn to fight her own battles without making a drama out of it. Children get upset over things frequently. Help her learn to rationalise things and move on. You only need to get involved when things escalate or carry on over a period of time. You will do her no favours to fight her battles each and every time things aren't perfect.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/01/2016 11:02

What does your partner think? Does he agree with how you handled the school?

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/01/2016 11:02

Has there been any more contact today?

cavkc123 · 27/01/2016 11:03

Perhaps she had been messing around and only got down to her work when she heard they only had 2 minutes left

I'm sorry but whilst the comments from the TA seem a little harsh, your daughter has to learn how to accept criticism without Mummy stepping in every time

Birdsgottafly · 27/01/2016 11:14

""your daughter has to learn how to accept criticism without Mummy stepping in every time""

I agree, but not at 5.

The TAs that I know, don't finish at 3.30, so that must vary between Schools. I also know schools that mix up the ages for study.

This thread puts TAs 'down', in a way.

They are trained on how to communicate/criticise positively/constructively, she didn't do that.

I've known TAs and Teachers (and SWs which I was) to slide into poor communication habits. It needs addressing, no need for drama.

We can all get into bad habits in work and have off moments. But if it bothers a child, it should be worked through.

The TA won't just say sorry, she'll have a 'chat' with the DD.

Everyone in education wants to create a happy working environment for Staff and Pupils, what the OP did was quite right and supports this.

Anyone who would label the OP as 'one of those parents', needs to get out of education.

vintagefiend · 27/01/2016 15:37

what birdsgottafly said- as usual some unbelievably horrible women on here- probably mothers of mean girls - it really isn't you OP, it's them! You had every moral right to do what you did; even if I was tired I'd never say that something a 5 yr old produced was awful!

Feenie · 27/01/2016 17:42

as usual some unbelievably horrible women on here- probably mothers of mean girls

Probably. Hmm

You may have a point about the harshness of some posts. However, the way you have made said point makes you sound about 12.

Shutthatdoor · 27/01/2016 17:45

as usual some unbelievably horrible women on here- probably mothers of mean girls

How old are you Hmm

vintagefiend · 27/01/2016 18:34

oops!-berated by two people so fair cop!- some mumsnet threads really do bring out the worst in me- will work on remaining calm and eloquent.

Ditsy4 · 27/01/2016 23:08

All pizzas
I'm paid till 3:15pm
I stay in order to complete all the work, sometimes I mark with one of the teachers so they can get off( pick their kids up) and I do it to help the children.
After Single Status I tried to leave on time but I was behind in my work, I didn't feel I was giving my best to the children and I became grumpy as the job satisfaction wasn't there. It is a vocation not just a job. I'm not saying everyone has to do it and I didn't when I had young children to collect but I felt some of the posts on here ( not OPs) were quite negative towards TAs and I wanted to show the other side of the coin. That some of us do extra behind the scenes. Just because some leave at 3:30 doesn't mean they aren't stuff at home...lettering, sourcing work.
I'm HLTA so I do teach every day as well as supporting and running intervention groups so I have more planning to do.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 27/01/2016 23:37

Fair enough if you want to do that, but in my opinion TAs shouldn't be asked to do more than can be fitted in during their paid hours - they are not paid enough to expect that.
In my school TAs are highly valued and respected, but nobody expects them to work for free and if they do work extra they can take time off in lieu.

notyourmummy · 28/01/2016 21:02

I'm a TA. I don't think I've ever referred to a child's work as "awful", although I call one of my 1:1 kids a banana a lot. Backfired on me when he called me a banana in front of an OFSTED inspector...
I've never met a Y1 who's working at Y5 level before - school must be very frustrating for her?

evenhasawatermark · 29/01/2016 01:20

TA apologised, all good and in the past. If I'm "one of those mums" I don't mind. It's better than the suicidal, psychotic mum :)

Wonderous · 29/01/2016 07:29

Well done on having a go at mum's with mental health problems OP. Have a Biscuit

Kreacherelf · 29/01/2016 07:48

Op, put your kid into a private school if you want to complain about every little thing. The state schools are too overworked for parents like you.

Hth

Smile
TheoriginalLEM · 29/01/2016 08:32

wow OP . yes id rather be "that mum" than suicidal and psychotic. I think anyone would. I'd not want to be you though op - i just don't think id cope with being that pig-ignorant.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 29/01/2016 09:09

Wonderous- Evans is the OP if I'm correct. There was a bit of a namechange fail upthread. Wink I don't think she is having a go at those Mums, she is saying she has been one of them.

sleeponeday · 29/01/2016 20:58

Evenhasawatermark is the OP - she said she went back to that name to stop troll-hunting. She has said that she has serious mental health problems, so when she says:

If I'm "one of those mums" I don't mind. It's better than the suicidal, psychotic mum Smile

  • she's talking about her own mental health problems, not anyone else's.