AIBU to not allow DD to see her dad?

[WinterBabyHMW]

I'm new to Mumsnet, but I'm in desperate need of some advice! :(

ExH and I, have a 6 year old DD; I have her in the week and he has her at the weekend. She has been going there for 6 months now and things have been working out great :) he has always loved her to bits and it's not him I'm particularly concerned about - he has been chatting to people on the internet; it's his life, he can do what he wants. However, when DD goes to stay, he invites them over for the night... Not happy about that at all and I told him that I won't take her, if you keep doing it - he did it again, but explained that DD was in bed asleep... I've started to notice a lot of new things with DD - she cries and begs me not to take her to her dad's and it made me think "what the fuck have one of them strangers done to my child", but then I asked her why and she goes "Daddy isn't nice", I do wonder if it's just her trying to get out of the longish car journey, but I didn't dismiss it completely... I then walked in on her taken pictures of her genitals and that was it, I was far from comfortable allowing her to go, but who could possibly be the problem ExH, or these strangers? Oh, please help :( my family think I'm being unfair anyway, so I really can't talk to them about this...

Yes OP well done and good luck! x

So pleased you made the call OP.

OP, child abuse is common obviously, and mumsnetters do love to push a good drama even when its upsetting to a poster. The mumsnetters have NONE of the repercussions.

Your worries here are that

Hes meeting up with women from the internet when shes there. : Statistically your daughter is much more at risk from her dad than from one of these women, but if he has her every weekend, then there will be times he will want to socialise. If he doesnt get weekends when she isnt there, then how is he suposed to meet women if hes working all week?

She said she doesnt want to go as much, but doesnt give a reason. Maybe she is bored because shes there every weekend, misses you, and the fun activities have dried up over the winter.
My son likes to spend some weekends with me and some with his dad. Thats pretty normal. It could be something, it could be absolutely nothing.

Taking photos of her genitals. You need to find out if there is a reason for it other than just normal curiosity. Children do go through phases of being fascinated by their genitals. It could be somethign, could be nothing. Crouching over mirrors, children looking at each others private parts, its actually not uncommon.

Now trust your instincts if you think something has happened to her, but also keep it in perspective

Op, please ignore Branleuse. You did the right thing by making the call. Hopefully all your concerns will come to nothing, but there is no way you should have ignored them

Aw, bran has come (days later) to sort us all out (and the OP). What a hero!

OP has spoken to the nspcc, had been given advice from the professionals and will go from there. I think the response on this thread was very measured and respectful of the OP's (valid) concerns.

days later? I replied on the same day.

I thought that was some very good advice from Branleuse but anyway glad you made the call op.

I would immediately stop her going and also speak to police, they have a lot of experience in child protection and can speak to your daughter without alarming her. I speak as someone who was abused and also as a mother whose two sons where abused. I would not take any chances.

were not where (sorry,not thinking straight)