AIBU to not allow DD to see her dad?

[WinterBabyHMW]

I'm new to Mumsnet, but I'm in desperate need of some advice! :(

ExH and I, have a 6 year old DD; I have her in the week and he has her at the weekend. She has been going there for 6 months now and things have been working out great :) he has always loved her to bits and it's not him I'm particularly concerned about - he has been chatting to people on the internet; it's his life, he can do what he wants. However, when DD goes to stay, he invites them over for the night... Not happy about that at all and I told him that I won't take her, if you keep doing it - he did it again, but explained that DD was in bed asleep... I've started to notice a lot of new things with DD - she cries and begs me not to take her to her dad's and it made me think "what the fuck have one of them strangers done to my child", but then I asked her why and she goes "Daddy isn't nice", I do wonder if it's just her trying to get out of the longish car journey, but I didn't dismiss it completely... I then walked in on her taken pictures of her genitals and that was it, I was far from comfortable allowing her to go, but who could possibly be the problem ExH, or these strangers? Oh, please help :( my family think I'm being unfair anyway, so I really can't talk to them about this...

Thanks a lot

A man who thinks it's OK to hook up with random strangers while his very young daughter is in the house? Just when you think it can't get any more depraved! Wonder what she is hearing/seeing!?

I hope you can find expert help and make him see how awful this is. If he doesn't want to spend time with her then that's sad but better he admit it than continue this charade.

Is he taking her on weekends so he doesn't have to pay maintenance? And just plopping her there while he caters to his own needs?

Sorry OP, and good luck!

Honestly, he's really good to her when she does there - takes her swimming, to her favourite theme park, etc. but he has been stopping that lately - since the winter and now DD doesn't do a lot, no

Now op, he is not acting like a responsible parent, and he behaviour to boot is concerning. You really do need to contact professionals and take it from there, and not procrastinate about it.

OP, taking a child on days out, giving treats etc. in no way precludes abuse. Abusers can be "very nice", show special treatment etc. to their victims. Just to say. I won't speculate further; it's for the professionals to investigate further - leave it to them.

I'm not avoiding it? I'm doing it when she goes to dance...?

I know, I know, but I was married to this man... I do know him - I think it's more likely to be these randomers and ExH hasn't been very sensible and something has been see my DD, which I do not accept is right at all

OP, again, I'm not saying that your ex is necessarily doing anything sinister, but "I thought I knew him (or her)" about abusers is a line heard so many times. People don't tend to suspect anything of that nature of people that they "know".

I know, it's just such an awful feeling... I just feel sick looking at my little girl and I don't want her to go anywhere

Don't over think things just now or you'll drive yourself mad. Just make the call at the earliest opportunity and let the professionals guide and support your DD and yourself.

Virtual hand holding here OP. I would do two things for now.

1. Ring NSPCC for their advice and expertise
2. Keep listening to your DD and take little opportunities to build her self esteem. Leave questions to the professionals for the moment.

for you

Thank you :) I'm making the call now

Call social services/ police before any evidence is destroyed.

Good luck, OP!

Just got off the phone

How'd it go

You did the right thing phoning, it must have been difficult.

I hope they were helpful and gave you some advice.

Glad you've made the call. I hope they (whoever you chose to call) were helpful.

OP you don't need to give us any more details - this isn't a soap opera. It's good that you've taken the first step towards dealing with the situation. Keep strong.

I got a couple of bits of advice, which I'll make sure I do - thanks everyone

Good luck with getting to the bottom of this op. I hope the nspcc had some helpful advice. Please listen to your instincts too, your dd is telling you she doesn't want to go and it's important you listen to her if you feel something's not right.

Well done for making the call, and I'm glad that you got some advice. Don't give us any more information from now on. I'm sure you are feeling pretty drained now. Take care of yourself xxx

Well done, OP. Hope it all works out and your DD is ok.

Thanks everyone :)

op, well done.