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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you deal with someone who doesn't like you?

133 replies

KittenLoverTheFirst · 25/01/2016 22:08

There is a mum from DD's year at school who used to talk to me but suddenly started blanking me, and clearly doesn't like me. No idea why, and I did text her to ask but she didn't reply so hey ho.

The only thing bothering me is that I have to walk past her each day on the school run, sometimes twice a day or more if I see her on each school run. She walks past me and I've just been saying hello or smiling but she blanks me.

Am I best off just blanking her back? And this is a silly question but where do you actually look if you are walking past someone that you are ignoring. Do you look straight ahead? Or look at them and just look straight through them? I don't want it to look like she intimidates me.

What do I do?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2016 17:58

CantWait I bet it won't annoy her - she will just think the OP is even more of a knob that she obviously already does!

GloriaHotcakes · 26/01/2016 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Obs2016 · 26/01/2016 18:02

At least take comfort that it had happened to tonnes of others, clearly!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2016 18:04

Seriously why are so many posters so convinced that it will ruin this woman's life if the OP is nice to her! I had someone who used to say hello despite me ignoring her and I was a bit embarrassed for her, to be honest.

I commented on this thread because a PP was interested in hearing from someone who blanks people

springscoming · 26/01/2016 18:21

I don’t deliberately blank people but I can see why people would think I'm the grumpy one. I'm often very deeply in thought/planning at work and I genuinely don't register people I walk past. I lack the ability to pay the different kinds of attention needed. And I guess that seems rude to people who don't know me.

iciclewinter · 26/01/2016 18:24

The woman obviously has a reason to blank the OP

But the "reason" may be due to some misunderstanding that wasn't the OP's fault.

The80sweregreat · 26/01/2016 18:27

Rainbunny, would be good to know the other side of the story .. Some people are just naturally rude i guess. I would ignore them personally.not worth it .

bumbleymummy · 26/01/2016 18:37

Why would you feel embarrassed for someone saying hello to you livia? She probably felt sorry for you.

MistressDeeCee · 26/01/2016 18:42

Just don't give her any eye contact OP. Life is too short to focus on people who don't like you, what does she have to do with your life anyway? I doubt she's putting as much thought into this as you are, she's made it very clear she doesn't like you by her actions, including rudely ignoring your message. Its horrid when people don't like you and you don't know why but, what can you do? She's not obliged to like you. Just ignore it all

justmyview · 26/01/2016 18:53

I think a sense of perspective is needed. I'm friendly to the people I know, smile at a few more, don't tend to engage with everyone I meet on the street walking to school. It's not always personal !

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2016 19:33

bumbley Because if they had any dignity they would let it go - making a huge point of speaking to someone who is blanking you is verging on pathetic and just shows that you are giving them headspace.

alliecat567 · 26/01/2016 19:41

Livia but how does the person being blanked know that its intentional. As others on this thread have said, it's quite easy to blank someone without realising it. And a friend of mine refused to engage with several people on the school run for a few weeks because she was on the edge of having a mental breakdown. Isn't it better to give benefit of the doubt and continue being polite than to automatically assume that you are being ignored because you are a 'bad' person?

Gabilan · 26/01/2016 20:26

In any situation like that I just treat the other person as I would a stranger. I can't be doing with games. Don't want to speak to me? Fair enough, your choice.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2016 20:40

allie How people want to react to being blanked is up to them but it's the comments about speaking to them loudly to try to annoy them that I found odd. If your friend was being greeted in a pathetically PA way by people trying to make her feel bad while she was having her breakdown I don't imagine that would have helped her. Like I said upthread, just do the same, it's far more dignified.

bumbleymummy · 26/01/2016 20:43

Livia, They may not realise you're blanking them. They may just think you're in a world of your own/having a bad day. Tbh I think an adult blanking someone is a bit childish/pathetic so I would be more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt and not think they were being that silly.

Gabilan · 26/01/2016 20:50

Livia I agree. Someone could have all sorts of reasons for not talking to me, many of them nothing to do with me. So I act as neutrally as possible. Then if they want to be friendlier, fine. If not, [shrugs]

iciclewinter · 26/01/2016 21:07

making a huge point of speaking to someone who is blanking you is verging on pathetic

That depends how you see it. They might just be very friendly and polite.

iciclewinter · 26/01/2016 21:08

an adult blanking someone is a bit childish/pathetic

That sums up this thread nicely!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2016 21:19

As opposed to all the PA suggestions? Which aren't childish at all! Grin

gandalf456 · 26/01/2016 23:22

Do people ignore those they don't particularly like? I talk to people I don't like all the time. You don't have to be best pals - just pass yourself. Surely the alternative is a bit embarrassing. It is only if I really hated them or they didn't speak to me that I wouldn't speak to them

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2016 23:33

Generally I ignore people who have pissed me off in some way, obviously it's a bit harder if I work with them but we just muddle along being professional in that situation.

Can't get my head around a previous comment So much opportunity lost to enrich lives and find good friendships. - do people actually think like that?

I see so many posts on MN full of angst about friendships going wrong and I'm genuinely surprised at all the emotional effort that people put in. If someone doesn't like you and/or you don't like them, so long as you don't have to have contact of any kind with them, why would you waste your time worrying/trying to find out what the issue is/confronting them etc? Is that really what people do?

It's a genuine question. Who has time for that kind of shit? I don't and I'm willing to bet my life is a lot less busy that most of the posters on MN.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2016 23:34

Oh and it's not embarrassing to ignore someone - why would it be?

Minshu · 26/01/2016 23:44

I had a neighbour who refused to speak to me ever - not even a hello in the street. It was very odd, no idea why, as she blanked me from the first time I tried to speak. Bizarrely, her husband would only acknowledge me while my husband was there, and was quite chatty with him. We moved elsewhere in the area, so still see them occasionally (kids at same school but in different years and no cross over in the school yard at pick up).

gandalf456 · 26/01/2016 23:46

Well they see them everyday and have to stand outside the classroom with them so they do have contact. I think if it's someone you have never spoken to, okay, but someone who suddenly stopped for no reason, well, yes, that is awkward but then i am a friendly person so am coming in from that perspective. I have had this happen and yes I wanted to know why but didn't have the nerve to ask. I think op is v brave actually. If you have inadvertently upset someone, you want the chance to put it right and clear up any misunderstandings and if you can't at least learn from it

amarmai · 27/01/2016 00:14

passive aggressive is doing nothing e.g. blanking. The many creative responses to the pa blankers are doing something , so not PA. Had a good laugh at some of them and iMO if it makes me laugh, i might give it a go.