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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you deal with someone who doesn't like you?

133 replies

KittenLoverTheFirst · 25/01/2016 22:08

There is a mum from DD's year at school who used to talk to me but suddenly started blanking me, and clearly doesn't like me. No idea why, and I did text her to ask but she didn't reply so hey ho.

The only thing bothering me is that I have to walk past her each day on the school run, sometimes twice a day or more if I see her on each school run. She walks past me and I've just been saying hello or smiling but she blanks me.

Am I best off just blanking her back? And this is a silly question but where do you actually look if you are walking past someone that you are ignoring. Do you look straight ahead? Or look at them and just look straight through them? I don't want it to look like she intimidates me.

What do I do?

OP posts:
Kingfisherfree · 25/01/2016 23:30

They are simply taking you on to see who's the toughest I have had these cowboy stand-offs with mum's at school for many years. They are generally bullies and see a weakness in you. I'm on my 3rd child now and do not have this problem anymore. You have to be hard, and confident and not be the slightest bit bothered by how other people behave. It's all about confidence and self esteem the simple fact that you care gives her an advantage.

velocitykate · 25/01/2016 23:55

I've had this too. I think to myself "What is the grown up thing to do?"The grown up thing to do is actually to rise above it and act as if you had never noticed they had a problem with you.

So you cheerily say "Hello XXXXX" as if nothing had ever happened. That is just so annoying if you're trying to ignore someone. You have to say "Hello" back and not be rude if anyone else is in earshot because to do otherwise would be unfriendly and you don't want a bad reputation......

toffeeboffin · 26/01/2016 00:27

I would definitely be over friendly, like PPs have suggested.

Bright and breezy 'Good morning! ' and a beaming smile every time Grin

Why can these women be bothered? It's easier to be nice!

KERALA1 · 26/01/2016 07:11

I find it amusing. Don't give two hoots - she is nothing to me but fascinated I inspire such disdain. Never happened before!

Silvercatowner · 26/01/2016 07:26

It really upset me at first. Now I either do the cheery greeting or I ignore, whatever I feel like at the time. It doesn't bother me any more and I'm quite intrigued as to how a person can be so ungracious.

DetonationStation · 26/01/2016 07:46

If there are other mums around, definitely greet her as you would normally, and definitely by name, and a bit louder than you would normally but not so loud its false. It will make her look a dick if she is ignoring someone who obviously knows her. Personally I would carry this on whether there were others around or not.

bornwithaplasticspoon · 26/01/2016 08:13

I had this too when my dd fell out with her dd in school. Maybe it's a similar situation? It's happened a few times to be in my 22 year parenting career. Pathetic as the kids usually make up but the mum continues the stand off!

londonrach · 26/01/2016 08:21

Just say morning her name with a cheerie smile if shes close by and walk on not expecting a response. If further away dont say anything unless she catches your eye in which case nod and smile. Keep polite and basic.

Katenka · 26/01/2016 08:23

I have the same.

If I see her I still say 'morning' and smile

FuckyNell · 26/01/2016 08:32

Try and save a fart till just before she walks past

Namechange02 · 26/01/2016 08:39

I've been the unfriendly mum. But I wasn't! If I am walking along a road and I spot a crowd of people coming towards me/with a buggy I will cross the road if it's safe to do so so I don't have to push past the crowd. So one day I was walking back from my dc's school and my neighbour who's a childminder was walking along the pavement on my side of the road (with buggy and about 3 other kids). So I crossed the road. Then SHE crossed the road! So I crossed the road back.

Well of course it looked like I was avoiding her. Well I kind of was. But not her, just the buggy and the crowd. So no doubt she thinks I am a miserable cow and dislike her for no reason. Dc is now at secondary school so I don't see her any more and probably couldn't explain anyway. But sometimes it is something as stupid as that - it might just be a misunderstanding. Not when someone ignores your texts though.

KERALA1 · 26/01/2016 09:24

Not when you walk past each other each morning and she throws her head in the air and steadfastly refuses to meet your eye. Either she has mental health problems or thinks I'm shagging her husband

iciclewinter · 26/01/2016 09:25

I know one of these too. Am quite reassured by reading this thread that it happens to others as well. I don't know what makes people behave like this. Why don't they give others the benefit of the doubt? It's so rude and unnecessary to blank people.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/01/2016 09:28

I was convinced a mum at nursery didn't like me as she blanked me. Turns out she had Aspergers and issues with facial recognition and is lovely person.

However some people are just dicks who take against people for no reason. I just disengage from them for self preservation reasons. Fuck 'em.

theycallmemellojello · 26/01/2016 09:28

Just say hi if you have to and not if you don't? I can understand the angst about being dropped, but honestly if the only contact you have is just randomly passing her it's not like you have to deal with her anyway. Just treat her like any random person you vaguely recognise and have spoken to in the past.

Mia1415 · 26/01/2016 09:33

Smile, wave, say hello & asks how she is every morning. If she ignores you say 'oh ok' with a smile & walk on. It will drive her mad! & make you smile

Whatthequack · 26/01/2016 09:42

I can sometimes be seen as an unfriendly mum. Confused I suppose I'm socially awkward. I don't really like looking at people as I walk past which can be seen as rude. I don't mean to come across as rude though, I just don't want to make anyone feel like they have to go out of their way to talk to me. However, I'd talk away if anyone was to approach me.

holeinmyheart · 26/01/2016 09:45

Well here is a confession from someone who has blanked someone.

When I was a young Mother , I was asked my age by someone who had kids at the same school as me. I ignored her and said diplomatically that it was my business.
She then said she could find out as she worked as a receptionist at my doctors surgery.
I was so appalled that she was going to nose into my private health record that from then on I blanked her. She never found out why though, and never asked me.
I just didn't have the verbal skills or maturity to say ' now look here you, you go nosing about in my private affairs for your own gratification and you will find yourself in my black books' etc. It was easier to blank her.
Even if she had approached me I am not sure I could have told her.
However, you can be blanked by people because of a misunderstanding.

Here is another thing that happened to me.
I am blind as a bat. I got short of time to collect the DCs from Primary school. I rushed out without glasses and didn't have time to put my contacts in. Because I couldn't see properly, On the way I supposedly blanked another mum, who then consequently blanked me.

All very puzzling. I told a mutual friend who told me the other person had expressed concern because I blanked her.
I explained and immediately went to the woman and told her about the contact situation and laughed about it. But she was quick to blank me and was fairly thin skinned, really.
All part of life's rich pattern. The best idea is not to give much of a F about others and to love yourself and your nearest and dearest first.
Definately not a good idea to be emotionally dependant on others for your self value.

3luckystars · 26/01/2016 09:45

I love the "hello Sandra!" solution, and I am going to use that myself, on everyone, men included!

Purplecan4 · 26/01/2016 09:48

Just ignore her. Why get into something weird with her? Why antagonise her further? I'd just want an end to it in your position.

MardyKnickers · 26/01/2016 09:48

I worked in retail and when I had to deal with a rude/argumentative/arsehole type (want a refund on something you've 'thrown in the bin and have no receipt for'? Yeah right)

I used to always tell them to 'have a lovely day now' Smile

selfconfessedunfriendly · 26/01/2016 09:50

I am the unfriendly mum.

Well actually I would say I am not, and I have been forced into my behavior by an unfriendly Confused But I have to post because I can imagine her saying I am one.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 26/01/2016 09:50

I've had this as well. I look at it as their problem not mine, I am far too long in the tooth to care now.

You've asked why and she hasn't replied well fuck her. I would love to do what pp's have suggested (saying hi cheerily, saving a fart till just before she walks past - loved that! ) but my can't be arsed with wankers mood kicks in and I would just ignore the silly mare.

selfconfessedunfriendly · 26/01/2016 09:50

I would say maybe you have done something and its easier for her to ignore you.

saying hello to this other lady all the time made me feel upset its much easier and better for me to know not acknowledge her.

LordBrightside · 26/01/2016 09:51

It's very strange of her but she is making it clear that she doesn't want to speak to you. It doesn't matter why, you should just write it off.

Continuing to say hi in whatever way could be perceived as passive aggressive.