To ask how you deal with someone who doesn't like you?

[KittenLoverTheFirst]

There is a mum from DD's year at school who used to talk to me but suddenly started blanking me, and clearly doesn't like me. No idea why, and I did text her to ask but she didn't reply so hey ho.

The only thing bothering me is that I have to walk past her each day on the school run, sometimes twice a day or more if I see her on each school run. She walks past me and I've just been saying hello or smiling but she blanks me.

Am I best off just blanking her back? And this is a silly question but where do you actually look if you are walking past someone that you are ignoring. Do you look straight ahead? Or look at them and just look straight through them? I don't want it to look like she intimidates me.

What do I do?

Do people never actually talk things through any more instead of cutting each other off?

Also if like to add that I think my awkwardness stemmed from other mums judging me because of my age (I started University when Ds1 started nursery). Some went as far as to find me a novelty and were very patronising. However I'm not bothered anymore, I may have been young when I had my Ds, but I've accomplished a hello of a lot which most 'average aged' parents haven't.

I blank people all the time - it's a combination of social anxiety and not liking certain people. However I am always surprised to see posts like this - when someone blanks you, surely you just ignore them and get on with your day? I don't understand the angst - not everyone you meet will like you, some may actively not like you, and if they can't avoid you, eg on a school run etc, then the logical reaction is to ignore you.

I'd and hell. Typos

If I was feeling like a cow is slow right down with my DC and say "oh hello! Lovely to see you!" And when she ignores you, turn and say loudly to your children "NOW THAT IS SOMEONE WITH NO BREEDING OR MANNERS. THANKFULLY YOULL NEVER TURN OUT LIKE HER." Horrible cowbag

livia does it never occur to you that you can be civil to people and it won't hurt you?

A breezy 'Good morning' or 'Good afternoon' should be fine.
I wouldn't ignore as I'm just not that ignorant.
I know someone, I say hello.
Keep greeting her every time you see her.
I think it will wind her up even more.

Putting it into perspective, this is a school mum. 90% of school mums are never going to be on your radar at all. It's fine that you don't talk to each other!

I would honestly not give this any more thought beyond "Ah..ok."

I love the idea of a breezy 'Hello Sandra!', but I think you should take it a bit further; choose a new name each day and combine with loud and overly cheerful greetings, preferably with different accents.
'Morning Daphne!'
'How's it hanging, Phoebe?'
'Lovely day for it, Deidre!'
'Oh! Mavis! What's occurring?' (in proper Valleys accent )
'Phillipa! Everything alright? Jolly good, jolly good!'

Or you could just ignore her, of course. Not as much fun though.

Tawny

I think I might be an unfriendly mum. Not intentionally though. I'm not very good at recognising faces, and often people will greet me or start chatting and it takes me ages to place them (I try not to let on that I don't recognise them). It's much worse if I'm seeing them out of context.

I'm also rather socially awkward so wouldn't approach someone if they were with someone else. I'd smile or wave though, and would never intentionally ignore anyone. If I'm feeling anxious or low I might skitter away to avoid someone if I don't feel up to chatting.

icicle it could be an ongoing project to cause maximum bemusement in the rude lady. The possibilities are endless, you just have to stick to the rule of always delivering the greeting as you breeze past, so she's never got the chance to retort. Even better, cross the road so that you can shout the greeting across the road.

'Dorothy! Do give my regards to Gerry!'
'Greetings Felicity, how's that little dog of yours?'
'Penelope, you do look better! Hope you're on the mend now.'
Catherine! See you for lunch around twelve?'

The one I see a lot is two mothers pushing their same aged toddlers on swings for ages and not even making eye contact,never mind saying hello!

Area well known for unfriendly 'smart' people.
So much opportunity lost to enrich lives and find good friendships.

Its easier to say hello isn't it?
less angst than "oooh its bitch Sandra, right to blank her?

But clearly people have different stances on this!

Just walk past her like you would any other stranger in the street. Look ahead, where you are going, after a while it will become the norm and you won't give it a second thought.

Think about other things.

I usually smile and/or say hello to the grumpy ones. :)

I have someone like this that I occasionally see. I smile, say hi and purposely keep walking. I feel that ignoring her would be lowering myself to her level. If the other person ever has the guts to tell me why she decided to start blanking me then I will happily stop speaking to her but until that point I will continue being polite to her.

Maybe it's not you but your daughter's friendship with her DD is the problem. Perhaps not a falling out, but maybe the mum doesn't approve of the friendship for some reason. I know as I've had this. One mum apparently doesn't like her very academic daughter mixing with mine who frankly isn't! They are still friends at school but play dates will never happen. Some people are just weird. Smile at her politely but largely ignore without stooping to her level.

breezy Not really - why should anyone give a shiny shit whether I speak to them or not? And I don't mean that nastily, I genuinely don't understand why it would make someone feel bad - it just avoids any hassle.

And to all the posters saying that speaking to the woman will wind her up - I bet it won't! If she doesn't like the OP enough to speak to her, she will just think less of her for being PA about it.

Instead of ignoring her back, or passive aggressively shouting "Hello there!!!", acknowledge the fact that though you don't know why, you do know she doesn't want to speak to you and she doesn't want you to speak to her.

So just walk past her normally and go about your business. Don't avoid her, or seek her eye for the opportunity to say hello again. Ignoring is actively not acknowledging someone, stone faced, or as if she didn't exist. So don't do that. Just walk past respectfully with your mind on your own business, on your on day, to where you are headed, literally down the hall and figuratively through that day's routine.

You've asked her via text and she didn't reply. That is maddening!

You've done all you could do if you truly, truly have no clue why she is doing this.

The only justification she has for this is if you've done something very offensive and she's tried to talk to you about it and you refused to admit what you did.

Or if you offended her or hurt her somehow, and it's obvious you know exactly what you did but are pretending you didn't do anything wrong and are pretending you don't know why she's ignoring you, this is the point at which a person feels they have no choice but to ignore i.e. the person in the wrong has had the chance to take responsibility and is not, or worse is blaming the other person, or pretending nothing happened and are like "Why are you not speaking to me?" all innocent.

This is not what you're saying though. You say you have no idea. What was your last conversation about? You said she used to speak to you. Can you give us more information?

I've had this happen to me, sometimes I can figure out what it is, sometimes not.

Be really cheerful. Be nice and happy.

It will fucking annoy her

I did once ask a Face Like Thunder why she was ignoring me. She shouted "You know what you did".

I didn't have a clue but another woman shouted back "That was me you silly bitch"

So I have spent about 2 years singing "It wasn't me" at various volumes every time I see her. Sometimes she laughs...

And I think some posters may overestimate the effort it takes to blank someone!

The woman obviously has a reason to blank the OP - leave her to it and get on with your day!