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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS quit?

58 replies

HuskyHound · 24/01/2016 17:12

Looking for some advice here ...

DS is 6 .

He started dancing when he was 18 months old ; he decided at age 4 that he no longer liked it and wanted to quit . I listened to him and accepted why he no longer liked it (stretches hurt him and he was bored).

So I let him quit - no problem . He quit having passed a good few exams .

He then started a self defence class . I feel this has really enhanced his confidence . It's also really good exercise and he loves it when he achieves the next step .

He has also made friends and he is well liked in his class .

Over the last few weeks , he has started playing up when it's time to go, having tantrums etc and saying he hates it Confused.

When he gets to the class , he participates and does well . It's not really a fun class as its disciplined , but he tries hard and enjoys the praise .

The issues seem to be around when we tell him to switch off his games console / put toys away etc so we can get ready to go to class.

He has now told me he wants to quit ; he says he is tired and doesn't like going .

I've agreed to let him change classes to an earlier one and also agreed he doesn't have to go as often , but I'm not keen to let him quit completely .

I know he will want to sit around playing his games console instead .

I feel he gets a lot from his class , as well as exercise , and think he should stick to it .

AIBU?

OP posts:
UndramaticPause · 24/01/2016 17:18

Tell him to stick with it. Kids need to realise to learn a skill takes discipline and no matter what class he takes up, even football coaching, the better he gets the stricter the coach or teacher will get

Gileswithachainsaw · 24/01/2016 17:20

I'd ban the consoles and see what he says when he hasn't got that to do instead Grin

Original poster
HuskyHound · 24/01/2016 17:21

I've told him there would be no consoles but I don't think he believes me Hmm

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 24/01/2016 17:22

put them in the loft. that might make him realise Grin

Chippednailvarnish · 24/01/2016 17:23

My DCs can only quit with a term's notice (I always tell them that as I have paid they have to complete the term). They have only stopped doing one activity as they always change their minds.

I'd also be losing the console.

KingscoteStaff · 24/01/2016 17:23

The consoles don't come out until after the class?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 24/01/2016 17:25

Change your routines so that he's not chilling at home before he has to get back up and go out. I think lots of us would sympathise with that, it's easier going to a class straight from work than it is to go home and go out again!

jelliebelly · 24/01/2016 17:26

If he thinks it's more fun staying at home then maybe agree he can miss one class but no TV or screens and see what he thinks then.

Birdsgottafly · 24/01/2016 17:27

I agree that the Console is the issue.

If he's "to tired" to go, then he goes to bed.

This is a battle that you have to win, whilst he's little.

Seriouslyffs · 24/01/2016 17:28

The problem is with the console not the classes. Cut right down on screen time. Where are they? If here in his room or in a playroom, move it/ them to the living room of you cent get rid completely.

Original poster
HuskyHound · 24/01/2016 17:29

Ok so the general consensus is he sulhould stick to it Smile

I just didn't know if I was being extraordinarily mean by making him go Blush

OP posts:
ErgonomicallyUnsound · 24/01/2016 17:32

If he hated the class whilst he was at it, then that would be mean.

My DD said she didnt want to go to gym yesterday morning as she wanted to stay in bed and then play on her DS. Pah, she went. She had a good time.

Floggingmolly · 24/01/2016 17:34

He passed "a good few" exams before the age of 4?

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 24/01/2016 17:36

My DD has quit numerous activities as has DS, though he generally lasted longer. They are now down to one each that they actually want to do.

Is he doing self defence because he asked to or because you chose it for him? And does he do anything else eg swimming, beavers etc on other evenings? In retrospect I think a lot of parents in my circle overburdened our DC in the early years. When I get home from work most nights I want to relax and watch TV yet I was insisting DC went out a 'did something'. Hypocritical really!

redskybynight · 24/01/2016 17:38

Going against concensus here, but I'd say he sticks out the term or whateve rperiod you've paid for, and then he can stop if he still dislikes it. I wouldn't insist a 6 year old has to stick at something! At that age they should be doing outside activities becaues they enjoy them.

NewLife4Me · 24/01/2016 17:39

Take the consoles of hi, give him some of those workbook things Lets, or Collins and see how quickly and enthusiastically he gets ready for his class. Grin

starry0ne · 24/01/2016 17:40

I don't see the point of pushing a child to do activities outside of school... however the issue does seem to be the console.. We have no console on a weekday since Ds has activities and actually I don't think we have time to fit it in.. I limit it to 2 hours on the weekend and holiday but if we are doing something else tough..

sort the console and time out and then see if he is still enjoying it...If not look for something he might enjoy... Compulsory activities happen enough at school

KingscoteStaff · 24/01/2016 17:41

Husky, I think you need to have an eye on the time of the class when you organize the day. So, if it's 5pm on a Thursday, then you come home from school, have a snack and do reading and then head out to the class - no screens need to go on. If the class is 2.30pm on Saturday, then plan in an hour of telly/games in the morning so that the turn off time and the leaving for sport time don't coincide.

There is huge value for your DS in sports - team and individual - and if you make it an accepted part of your week when he's little, then it never becomes an issue.

And off I go to pick up DS from cricket nets and take him to street dance...!

Original poster
HuskyHound · 24/01/2016 17:42

He asked to do it . I never chose it for him Smile

OP posts:
ChoudeBruxelles · 24/01/2016 17:42

Ds is 9 and has tried lots of things. He seems to have finally settled with judo. He's tried gymnastics, tennis, karate, kick boxing, football. He's got bored or fed up with them all for whatever reason. I've generally made him continue for a month, half term whatever I've paid for but I really don't see the point in having a battle every week.

The issue about consoles is a different one I think

m0therofdragons · 24/01/2016 17:43

My dd has done ballet and gym and swimming. Swimming I wanted her to do but it's clear she'll not compete just learn the skill. Ballet she enjoyed but she wanted to do gym too so she did a term of both and chise one. She chose gym which she did for 2 years but then one term she kept coming out upset and didn't seem to enjoy it so she stopped.I don't see the point of extra curricular activities kids don't enjoy. Dd now does horse riding and loves it. I think it takes time to find their interest and you can't force it.

lljkk · 24/01/2016 17:50

Do you want a weekly battle making him go I think you're all extremely mad.

Snoopytwist · 24/01/2016 17:52

From your DS point of view, he comes home from school, settles down and relaxes, gets into a game on the console and then has to suddenly change gear, put down the game, get changed, get energetic and go out to class.

He may well love it when he gets there, but you are setting the class up to compete with the console - which, when you're already on it, there's no competition.

I agree with others - work out that he doesn't have to give up playing a game in order to go to the class - either tell him that he can have the console after the class, or before the class allow him a bit of down time, but have a half hour before you have to leave for him to do something else - tidy his room, or do some reading etc - set a little timetable, then it will be easier for him to know what is expected.

OSETmum · 24/01/2016 17:56

If that's his only hobby, I think you should encourage him to stick with it, otherwise he'll just learn to give up whenever he gets bored.

Katenka · 24/01/2016 17:59

Under the circumstances I wold make him stick at it.

He enjoys when there.

My ds is four and moans before he goes kick boxing. However he loves it when he is there. He just wants to stay home with his toys.

I have started taking him straight from school. And he is fine.

As he likes it and it's seems to be linked with the console, I would stick at it.

Can you link the console usage to it. So if he goes to class he can go on the console?