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Original poster

Dh leaves non swimming kids unattended....

151 replies

Piratespoo · 23/01/2016 18:50

My dh has taken my ds4 (complete non swimmer) and dd8 (can swim about 4 metres) swimming several times. My dd came back last time and said daddy had left them on their own while he went on the slides that they were too young for and just left them alone. I asked him if that was correct and he said yes, but they were fine in the little pool and it was just a few times. I said it isn't on, it isn't safe and he must not do it again. He begrudgingly agreed.

Today he has taken them again, and apparently he let them on their own about 5 times, went to the toilet and left them in the pool on their own while he went, and when I asked him it was correct, he said ," they are fine! I leave them in their own in one side of the pool and I am the other side and they are fine!" I got a bit cross and said it isn't fine and how can he not see it is dangerous and he got really cross and said he wasn't prepared to discuss it. I then said he isn't taking them again.

He then said to my dd that he was annoyed with her for "telling tales". She was upset at that and I had to say that daddy was wrong and he shouldn't have done it.

I am so angry that he won't see it. He will never admit to being wrong though.

OP posts:
Isetan · 25/01/2016 10:12

Didn't he agree not to leave them unattended last time? I agree, him apologising was nothing but an exercise in getting you to STFU and is no victory. The only thing this situation has changed is that next time, your DD will be more inclined to keep her mouth shut, lest mummy and daddy get cross with each other again.

You're in a relationship with an irresponsible and entitled child.

Theoretician · 25/01/2016 11:01

What a ridiculous and goady post starfish. 1 adult to 2 children is fine. Zero adults to 2 children is dangerous in the extreme.

So you think there is a night and day difference between a 99.99% probability of not dying and a 99.9999% probability of not dying? (All statistics invented for the purposes of this post.)

Well, the first is 100 times higher than the second. But it might be perfectly reasonable to treat both 0.01% and 0.0001% as equivalent to 0%.

People are free to argue about what the true probabilities are, or how high they should be allowed to go given the magnitude of the consequence, but I don't think any such thinking lies behind most posters point of view. People are generally incapable of thinking rationally about risk.

BathtimeFunkster · 25/01/2016 11:11

People are generally incapable of thinking rationally about risk.

As you never seem to tire of pointing out.

What is your actual point here, though?

Are you actually saying that unattended children at a swimming pool are at the same risk of drowning as attended children?

That all the official advice from many expert sources about not leaving children unattended near water is wrong and that the risk is virtually indentical whether there is supervision?

Do you have any figures with which we might make these "rational" decisions about risk you are so keen on?

Or are you just banging your drum when you have no fucking idea what you are talking about?

trulybadlydeeply · 25/01/2016 11:15

How old is he? Assuming he is a grown man (as he has an 8 year old daughter) what grown man needs to go down water slides when he is out with his children? (And needs to go down 5 times...)

If he really needs to go down the slides then he can arrange to go another time with friends, can't he?

I also wonder about his age as he now appears to be sulking - he honestly sounds more like a teenager.

You cannot let him take them again. Like many other pp I am a fairly relaxed parent, but this is utterly unsafe. Why does he take them out on his own? Are you working at that time? If it is a regular thing then he's going to have to think of other activities to do with them instead. They shouldn't have to miss out on the swimming, but you will have to take them instead. Have your never all gone together in the past?

firesidechat · 25/01/2016 13:50

Some actual real figures would be quite helpful there Theoretician.

You're really not as deep as you think you are.

RevoltingPeasant · 25/01/2016 14:06

OP obvs your H is a knobber.

But, I am a little bit concerned that your 8yo (presumably no SN....?) cannot swim more than 4m.

IMO that is a real safety risk and no way would I let a child of 8 get away without learning to swim properly. Swimming cannot save you from drowning in all eventualities but it certainly stacks the odds in your favour!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/01/2016 14:17

He left them alone so he could go on the slides. Bit long in the tooth for slides isn't he. Hmm.
Don't blame you for being fuming. If he were my DH. He certainly wouldn't be taking the children anywhere near water, and thank goodness your DC did inform you or to use his juvenile choice of phrase told tales.

Is he on glue. Children can drown in a few Inches of water

Wargghhhh · 25/01/2016 14:19

I'd be fuming. We were witness to a little girl drowning last year (on holiday). Seemed like she had been left to her own devices and nobody had noticed her in the water. Shook us both up for ages - consequently we do not let the kids out of a sight even for a few seconds, despite one of them being a good swimmer.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/01/2016 14:21

War. That's awful. Poor little girl. She must have been so scared

BathtimeFunkster · 25/01/2016 18:05

Bit long in the tooth for slides isn't he.

No.

Slides are tons of fun. I love them.

I just love my children more.

Jibberjabberjooo · 25/01/2016 18:11

What's wrong with going on the slides as an adult? I love it (without leaving my children alone obviously).

Maybe it's the Mumsnet thing of once you're an adult you shouldn't celebrate your birthday or generally have any fun..

AnyFucker · 25/01/2016 18:44

Yes, that's totes the point of this thread.

Sigh.

grumpysquash2 · 25/01/2016 21:42

Wargghhhh
Could one of you have gone in the water and saved her?

saffronwblue · 25/01/2016 22:02

If he is that cavalier about dc safety (and expects them to lie to cover him) then they are not safe leaving the house with them. It is not just about swimming, it is about putting his pursuits ahead of them. If he takes them into town shopping how do you know he does not just leave them somewhere while he does his own thing? I think he has a massive disconnect about adult responsibility for child safety.
What would you say if you ring the pool? 'My Dh does not supervise the dc so can you do it please?'
Our pool has a strong big sign defining supervision , eg not reading and glancing up from your book' for all dc under 10.

AnyFucker · 25/01/2016 22:12

grumpy, are you sure you don't want to rethink that question ?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/01/2016 22:18

Exactly AF. That was a nasty and evil statement. I'm certain War would have saved the child if she could. Plus you physically can't save someone from drowning unless you're a qualified life guard. As they pull you under the water in panic.

Plateofcrumbs · 25/01/2016 22:47

What a stupid and nasty question grumpy - do you think they were there going "oh look that child is drowning, what a shame, don't fancy getting wet though" Hmm

On the OP's DP - apart from being utterly inconsiderate of the DC's safety (which of course is the most serious and fundamental issue by far) it also seems very inconsiderate of their feelings - abandoning them during what should be special time to waltz off and go off and have fun on the big slides? Even if he'd left them in perfect safety, it still seems twattish,

grumpysquash2 · 25/01/2016 22:58

We were witness to a little girl drowning last year (on holiday). Seemed like she had been left to her own devices and nobody had noticed her in the water.

I asked an open question in response to that. I took the post to mean that the girl was on her own, no one was keeping an eye on her, and that the poster witnessed her drowning. I'm not saying that the poster was in any way responsible (obviously not), just that they happened to see it when no-one else seemed to be watching. And the thread was about swimming pools.

grumpysquash2 · 25/01/2016 23:03

Plus you physically can't save someone from drowning unless you're a qualified life guard.

You can.

minionwithdms · 25/01/2016 23:09

I've had jobs as a lifeguard, and I'm surprised no one picked up on this if he's left them multiple times. Supervision is so important because the role of a lifeguard is quite monotonous but also stressful - scanning a large pool over and over again, looking for swimmers in difficulty can be hard when it's crowded. I once had to save a child who'd blacked out underwater while his parents were standing with their backs to him chatting. For people who can't swim well especially, drowning can begin to occur in a matter of seconds.

AnyFucker · 25/01/2016 23:18

grumpy, there are several much better ways to phrase that question if you felt so compelled to even ask it

which is a mystery to me

GiddyOnZackHunt · 25/01/2016 23:20

Grumpy do you remember a fb post that did the rounds about drowning? About drowning not being like the films but a silent slip into it. You can easily watch someone drown. The people thrashing are in trouble but not yet drowning. Children drown quickly because they don't understand the trouble they're in.

Lillygolightly · 26/01/2016 00:09

This may be quiet mean but I would consider that if you were by any chance persuaded by him to let him take the children swimming again this is what I would do...

I would let him take them, go along separately myself without his knowledge...I'd attempt stealth mode whilst keeping a close eye on the children and if for any reason the bugger had the temerity to leave the children for any reason again I'd be in there like a shot and scoop up my kids. On his return to find the children were not where he had left them, he would perhaps have the shock of his life and maybe begin to understand that the safety of his children should be his number one priority AT ALL TIMES and the he should also consider himself lucky that it was you that scooped them up and not some bloody stranger and realise that it takes so little time for so much to go wrong.

Evil I know, but it might get the message through.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/01/2016 00:17

There's nothing evil about protecting your DC's Lilly

Lillygolightly · 26/01/2016 00:22

Also just to add how quickly things can and do happen....

Was on holiday, we rented a villa with a pool which was small but lovely. DP in the pool with eldest DD about 8 at the time and I was sat with youngest DD 3 by the side. We were playing with a bucket and spades and youngest was having a jolly time splashing the water with the spades. Eldest DD shouted a typical 'mummy look at me' and so I lifted my head to look at DD and in those mere seconds youngest DD must have dropped spade into the pool and leant out to reach it and fallen in. I never heard a thing...not even the splash as she had simply slipped in face first and I was literally sat right next to her. She had on a floaty life vest and was pulled out immediately and was fine but it gave me nightmares for ages....the sheer fact that I was sat right next to her, lifted my head for a few seconds and never heard a thing...not a peep!

This is what happened to me, and I am very vigilant around water having almost drowned in a pool on holiday myself as a 6 year old child. You really never can be too careful.