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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dh leaves non swimming kids unattended....

151 replies

Piratespoo · 23/01/2016 18:50

My dh has taken my ds4 (complete non swimmer) and dd8 (can swim about 4 metres) swimming several times. My dd came back last time and said daddy had left them on their own while he went on the slides that they were too young for and just left them alone. I asked him if that was correct and he said yes, but they were fine in the little pool and it was just a few times. I said it isn't on, it isn't safe and he must not do it again. He begrudgingly agreed.

Today he has taken them again, and apparently he let them on their own about 5 times, went to the toilet and left them in the pool on their own while he went, and when I asked him it was correct, he said ," they are fine! I leave them in their own in one side of the pool and I am the other side and they are fine!" I got a bit cross and said it isn't fine and how can he not see it is dangerous and he got really cross and said he wasn't prepared to discuss it. I then said he isn't taking them again.

He then said to my dd that he was annoyed with her for "telling tales". She was upset at that and I had to say that daddy was wrong and he shouldn't have done it.

I am so angry that he won't see it. He will never admit to being wrong though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Piratespoo · 23/01/2016 19:20

Goingtobeawesome ...yes, probably.

OP posts:
WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 23/01/2016 19:22

Well I'm quite laid back about most stuff but if Dh did this he would never take them swimming again.

Lightbulbon · 23/01/2016 19:25

Id never let him take them again

MistressDeeCee · 23/01/2016 19:25

Yes small children can drown quickly, sink down to bottom of the pool and lifeguards may not notice. A friend lost her 3 year old DS like this, at Tottenham pool. I don't mean to be morbid, sorry. But I really disagree with leaving children unaccompanied, not even for a few minutes is it ok in my book. If he can't be bothered to take care of them during swimming then they all need to stop going. Its simply too much of a worry and a risk Im surprised lifeguards didn't have a word with your DH but then again, proves the point they don't necessarily notice these things

ample · 23/01/2016 19:30

I would suggest if he wants to play on the slides instead of supervising his children, next time he should go alone.

sellisx · 23/01/2016 19:31

I thought two adults had to be present with two children? This is certainly the case at my local swimming baths,
My cousin drowned when he was 8, he was left alone in the wrong end of the pool by swimming instructor so not uncommon Sad

DeAtHnOtE · 23/01/2016 19:31

Why don't you go in too, then all bases are covered?

Yes OP. Treat your husband as though he were a 3rd child who needs supervision to ensure he doesn't endanger the kids. That way happiness lies. Hmm

Back in the real world, he needs telt or not to be out with them until they're old enough to keep themselves safe.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/01/2016 19:33

Omg yanbu.

That is atrocious.

I'm a swimming teacher, I'd be fired if I left non swimmers to themselves. (I wouldn't!)

However, I do think the age 8 can be unaccompanied rule is flawed. Some 3 year olds can swim better than some 8 year olds. There's a pool near me that every child when they first enter has to swim across the pool. If they make it unaided they get a wrist band which means they can be unaccompanied. Not otherwise. I like this system.

DeAtHnOtE · 23/01/2016 19:38

I thought two adults had to be present with two children?

That's a bit harsh, I know a few single parents with more than one child and they do lots of activities like swimming where supervision is needed.

BathtimeFunkster · 23/01/2016 19:40

The last time I heard of a father doing this it was because his 5 year old drowned and there was an investigation into why he was alone in a pool.

LizzieMacQueen · 23/01/2016 19:42

I said it isn't on, it isn't safe and he must not do it again. He begrudgingly agreed

That doesn't sound like a nice way to speak to your fellow parent (and someone you love presumably). I would be a bit pissed off being spoken to like that.

AnyFucker · 23/01/2016 19:43

Does he complain about taking them swimming ?

This would be a good way of making sure you never expect him to do it again

Passive aggression at its best

Is he a twat in other ways < knows answer to question already >

BathtimeFunkster · 23/01/2016 19:44

And never mind not taking them swimming again, somebody who out my children in so much danger so he could go on a slide would find himself in a supervised contact situation.

Irresponsible prick.

Stanky · 23/01/2016 19:46

Just reminded me of when I was about 8, and went swimming with a friend, and no adults. We could both swim very well, but we decided to play a very silly game where 1 of us would pretend to drown, and the other would 'save' them.

The life guard thought that we couldn't swim, and that we'd gotten into difficulty. We then had to prove that we could swim by swimming several lengths of the pool, before he let us continue to use the pool unsupervised.

Just saying that even children who are competent swimmers can still play silly games, which could have gone badly wrong.

BathtimeFunkster · 23/01/2016 19:47

That doesn't sound like a nice way to speak to your fellow parent

Hmm

Seems like a fairly mild way to speak to a parent who is so dageriusly negligent that he should be prosecuted for reckless endangerment.

Nobody who leaves a 4 year old unattended in a swimming pool has the right to call themselves a father.

MiniCooperLover · 23/01/2016 19:53

Who cares if it's a nice way to talk to him? He left young children unsupervised so he could ride a fucking slide! His Children !! He needs to understand how serious it is.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/01/2016 19:56

If DH was stupid, reckless and irresponsible to leave a non-swimming child in the pool without an adult SO HE COULD HAVE A GO ON THE SLIDES FFS I would speak to him any way that ensured the future survival of my children. He wouldn't though, because he's not an idiot.

It astounds me that people think that his man-child who tells a child off for talking to her mother about her safety is getting any benefit of any doubt.

Hellochicken · 23/01/2016 20:00

I have never had to say to DH you can't do something with kids. But he really can't take them swimming if he cannot see any issue with leaving a non swimmer in pool when he goes to loo, after, you have pointed out it is not ok to leave them on their own.
Also the lifeguards can't be too observant if they didn't pick up on it (I really think they would in our local pool).
Plus telling an 8 yr old that they had been "telling tales" when they told you - this would make me v angry.

BolshierAryaStark · 23/01/2016 20:01

WTAF, this cannot be for real surely? Shock As an adult he should realise this is a fucking beyond stupid thing to do, yet no, you've had to tell this fuckwit twice ???
Is he always such a twat or is he genuinely a fucking idiot ? Hmm

sellisx · 23/01/2016 20:05

Deathnote, a quick Google search tells me I'm right, if you have more than one child, another adult needs to be present. Especially if it's three children under the age of 4, that would be very hard to manage on your own and that's how accidents happen

Taking three children between the age of 9-11 would be fine

unlucky83 · 23/01/2016 20:07

DP used to take DD1 swimming regularly when she was little - it was their thing. He took her more or less every week from the age 3 to 6. Then one week she told me she couldn't wait for her birthday so she could go into the jacuzzi with DP Shock. And he had been staying in ages recently.

There was a pool side jacuzzi near to the children's pool, children under 7 weren't allowed in.
On questioning him DP admitted to leaving her in the children's pool whilst he went in...he could 'almost' always see her, kept an eye on her - could get to her in a couple of minutes if he needed to Hmm.
He had been doing it regularly all the time he had been taking her - only for 5-10 mins when she was really small - now a bit longer. The only time he didn't was when a certain lifeguard was on duty. There was no point - she apparently had had a real go at him for doing it when DD was about 4, then had caught him doing it a couple more times and now recognised him and watched him. Over the years a couple of other lifeguards had told him off too -especially when DD was younger - they were all apparently overreacting ...he knew what he was doing was completely safe...
That was the last time she went with just DP until she was 10 and a reasonable swimmer....
And what your DH is doing is a lot worse - on the slide etc they would be completely out of sight. You are right to be furious...
There are different standards/ideas to what is safe or not but that is overstepping the mark.
DP is much more laid back than I ever was - has accused me of being overprotective and a killjoy (I'm not -but then I would say that Wink) ...he can't see that being negligent is a lot worse ...could have devastating long term consequences ...

Chippednailvarnish · 23/01/2016 20:07

Considering my immense aversion to public swimming pools I've been at two different pools when an unattended child under 10 has had to be rescued from the pool.

Lucky only one of them needed CPR.

Your "D"H is an irresponsible shit.

pocketsaviour · 23/01/2016 20:07

Are they his DC or is he their stepdad?

DeAtHnOtE · 23/01/2016 20:10

My local pool has no such policy. Thank fuck they don't, kids need encouraging into exercise.

dementedpixie · 23/01/2016 20:11

Sellisx, a lot of pools let 8 year olds swim without a parent. Between 4-8 years you can have 2 children to 1 adult. Up to age 4 it is a 1-1 ratio