Dh leaves non swimming kids unattended....

[Piratespoo]

My dh has taken my ds4 (complete non swimmer) and dd8 (can swim about 4 metres) swimming several times. My dd came back last time and said daddy had left them on their own while he went on the slides that they were too young for and just left them alone. I asked him if that was correct and he said yes, but they were fine in the little pool and it was just a few times. I said it isn't on, it isn't safe and he must not do it again. He begrudgingly agreed.

Today he has taken them again, and apparently he let them on their own about 5 times, went to the toilet and left them in the pool on their own while he went, and when I asked him it was correct, he said ," they are fine! I leave them in their own in one side of the pool and I am the other side and they are fine!" I got a bit cross and said it isn't fine and how can he not see it is dangerous and he got really cross and said he wasn't prepared to discuss it. I then said he isn't taking them again.

He then said to my dd that he was annoyed with her for "telling tales". She was upset at that and I had to say that daddy was wrong and he shouldn't have done it.

I am so angry that he won't see it. He will never admit to being wrong though.

OP I echo other posters here.

This is really unacceptable and I am amazed lifeguards haven't picked it up.

I am pretty relaxed about safety but this is shocking. At our pool you are only allowed in the deep end if you can show you can swim a length and tread water. Otherwise an adult has to be near you (this is in the full-sized pool).

That is regardless of age too, as I once took a mate's DC who were 10 and 8 or so (8 is the age when you can go there without an adult in the pool with you) and as they couldn't swim that well they had to stay in the shallows.

Hedgehogs that's an extraordinary story. Thank goodness you were OK but how utterly terrifying.

This threaad is terrifying . o.p stick to your guns don't let him take them again.

I live in a beach swimming county, it's summer at the moment, and there seems to be a drowning story every other day at the moment. And these are adults as well as children.

There were three drownings on Christmas Day alone - one was a 3YO who'd momentarily wandered off.

A 17YO was swept out to sea by a wave (from a rock) yesterday, body recovered today. And I've literally just read about another man drowning at a popular holiday beach today.

Last week a child was recovered from a local communal pool - they spent an hour resuscitating him, he survived, but died later in hospital. Near enough an hour without oxygen would probably have meant a life not worth living anyway.

I find it terrifying, and can't imagine being so laissez faire around water, but I guess that is because every summer there are so many of these tragedies.

At our pool you they have to be 8 and over plus good swimmer to be left alone

All of the posters who would leave the husband or divorce him,how sensible is that?

He then gets them fully unsupervised EOW and you have no clue what other reckless things he is doing with their safety

He then gets them fully unsupervised EOW

Does he?

I would fight that every step of the way until the lazy, selfish prick, who cared so little about my children that he was prepared to put them at serious risk of death so he could go on a slide, gave up on the whole thing.

What a twat.

Risks DC's lives to go on the slide

Blames an 8 yo for 'telling'

Is now stonewalling you

No matter how much you fought it, assuming he is also not violent and has no tangible issues you can use to fight with the likely outcome would be nothing other than him giving an undertaking not to. They are rarely worth the value of the paper they are printed on.

I think Inertia has an excellent point and you should phone and alert the manager of the pool. Either the lifeguards haven't noticed or they are turning a blind eye. Is it possible they have told him and he has given them a loud so abuse in return too?

LTB

Sorry, that wasn't helpful. But really, he puts his children's lives at risk and then gets annoyed with you for pulling him up on it instead of being sorry? I mean, really . Unbelievably childish, selfish, stubborn, arrogant behaviour. He should be begging your forgiveness and reassuring you that he will never do anything like it again.

They are rarely worth the value of the paper they are printed on.

They are worth the paper they're printed on it he does it again.

I keep my DH (31, weak swimmer, can do 25m at a push) within my sight pretty much the entire time if we're at the pool together ffs - I wouldn't dream of letting non/weak swimmer children out of my sight! YANBU at all - I wouldn't feel comfortable letting kids swim with him if that's how he will behave.

your h puts himself first over the safety of your dcc . Plus he is pressuring you dcc to keep secrets from you and to cover for him. In response to you telling him this is not safe , he refuses to take them to swimming any more. If you end up doing everything for your dcc, what use is he? You cannot trust him to keep your dcc safe, he is teaching them to lie to you and he tantrums like a 2 year old when you want him to be an adult. Wd you be better off without him?

If he stays with them and they both decide to drown themselves at the same time how could he rescue them both?
So yabu for not going with them.

On the other hand they are fine and the pool will have lifeguards.

What a ridiculous and goady post starfish. 1 adult to 2 children is fine. Zero adults to 2 children is dangerous in the extreme.

Lifeguards are there to help swimmers who get into difficulty, not to rescue 1 non swimming child and 1 weak swimmer because the supposed adult in charge is a selfish idiot.

So he lied to you about not leaving them unattended after your chat and then had a go at your DD for not lying. He's not lacsidasicle , he's selfish, negligent and a liar.

If this was a teacher or other responsible adult doing this, I'm sure you would have unleashed hell but it's your H and your children's father so cue handwringing as an appropriate response! At the very least you should never let him take them to the pool again.

unlucky83 How is someone who repeatedly put your child in danger, despite being warned, still a DP?

OP, I'm an incredibly laid back parent but I'm absolutely neurotic when it comes to water.My older 2 are good swimmers now but I used to panic if I lost sight of them for 20 seconds and I'm the same with DS2 who can't swim. This really isn't on.

I talked to him this morning after he sulked all evening. I made him say it wasn't acceptable and he was wrong. It took him three tries to say he was wrong. He just kept saying , yeah alright, you've made your point. Then I told him to go and tell the kids it was wrong and he wouldn't do it again, which he did. I certainly don't trust him.

Glad he has admitted his wrong. If he does it again then well, if it were me I don't think I would be able to stay in a relationship with someone that reckless about kids' lives.

He's just trying to shut you up.
You have far bigger issues than swimming...

A few things.. in our pool 8 years can go in unsupervised but must be able to swim 50m...So to be honest I think if your oldest can only swim 4 meters needs I think you should both be there.

I agree there are more issues here.

I also hope you are doing something to improve DD swimming

Well done for standing your ground, pirate.

Do you feel like you can send your children swimming with him again, though?

I don't know....

How about telling him to go and tell the children that actually he won't know and doesn't care if they drown as long as he gets to go on the slide like a 12 year old