I'll never forget, the day before DD1 died, I went outside, and there was this woman, smoking and shivering, right outside the doors. Now of course, bad woman, smoking outside the doors! BAD. But I stopped to speak to her. She was in a right state, anyone could see that. I said, 'What's on?' That's all. And she spilled out. Her daughter, age 16 months, had had what they thought was a cold. She was in childcare, the parents were working. And so they had kept her off. And then the woman broke down. She had slept next to her daughter. And she'd woken, and her daughter was listless and unresponsive, and she had a rash. They rang 999, who responded quickly and brought her to hospital. But then the girl had died in resuss. She screamed then. 'She's dead! My daughter died!'
And I didn't know what to do. My own daughter was near death in ICU and she died the following day.
I just put my arms round her and talked to her, about her daughter, her name, how old she was. And she told me this and how hard it was to conceive her. Then I'll never forget, she apologised for not asking about why I was there. And so I told her my daughter was in ICU, and she was not to live. We sobbed in each other's arms. Then these two people, a man and a woman, in suits, walked up, with clipboards in their hands . And that woman gripped me, I'll never forget her grip on me. She said, 'It's the police. I know they need to speak to me. Don't leave me! Please! My partner has gone to get my mother. Please, don't leave me!' I'll never forget that. 'Please, don't leave me!'
And I could not and did not, until she saw her partner and her mother coming up, wailing.
I found out later, her daughter had died of meningitis. My mother and friends saw all their family outside, keening with grief.
I don't know how she organised or paid for her daughter's funeral. But if I had the mind to see a way to help her I'd have done it, however it was organised.