To wonder if Gofundme is the new thing after a death?

[yankeecandle4]

Serious question.

Due to FB I have seen lots of Gofundme pages set up after the death of a loved one. Mostly (but not always) it has been after the death of a child and is in aid of funeral/headstone or fundraising for the condition that they person died from eg Children's Cancer Fund etc. Completely understandable.

However of late I have seen them with no apparent cause/purpose. This morning there was one "Please keep donations coming in because she doesn't have X in her life anymore" X was not in any way responsible for her upkeep (he was a teen), so I am a bit perplexed at how/why monetary donations are necessary or even desirable.

This is not a thread about grief, but more an etiquette question. Is this now a "thing" to give money to a person when they have lost a loved one, for no apparent reason?

I'm very sorry for your loss Expat. I don't know about who funds children's funerals when there are no funds to pay.

My husband was given three weeks' paid leave when his mother died last year. That was company policy.

A GFM campaign has just been started for a young mother who was killed in a collision with a stolen car driven by a 15 year old. She had her 2 yr old son in the car and was 32weeks pregnant. Both children survived. Over $100,000 has been raised in the first 24hrs and the campaign was started by her partners employers.

Some GFM campaigns are worthy, others just make you want to shake your head at the sheer cheek of those involved.

'My husband was given three weeks' paid leave when his mother died last year. That was company policy.'

That's very generous of them, but by law, they only have to give 3 days paid. There's actually a petition/campaign on to extend it in the case of losing a child.

Some GFM campaigns are worthy, others just make you want to shake your head at the sheer cheek of those involved.

I think this could be the crux of the matter. The tone (or the reason) of the way some of them are written is so tacky.

Sorry for your loss Expat

As a result of this thread a Google search showed up Child Funeral Charity - I am sure they don't have the funds to support everyone who applies - I know MN sometimes promotes charities for donation, this seems a good one to think about.

www.childfuneralcharity.org.uk/apply-for-help.html

www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/eligibility

So expat you're saying its impossible for a parent to ask for help from The proper places but easy to crowd fund from strangers instead?

Believe me, after your child dies, the last thing you are thinking about is money. There's a lot you have to do. If it's a natural and expected death, you must register it. In Scotland, you have 8 days to do this. But if it's sudden, there is another, entire world of pain and hurt for those parents - police, inquests, etc on top of funeral organising and cremation/burial. Some also have to wait for their child's body to be released. You don't go round perusing charities. And often enough, the GoFundMe campaign is started by someone else, not the parents and family.

Locally, some money have been raised for our daughter, who had cancer. I used part of it to buy her headstone.

Not that I have anything against people raising money any way they want to. Its none of my business.

So expat you're saying its impossible for a parent to ask for help from The proper places but easy to crowd fund from strangers instead?

I'd imagine a large number of parents who have just lost a child have absolutely no idea that The proper places exist. Also, many of the gofundme campaigns I've are set up by friends or family, not the actual people themselves.

Did you mean to sound so confrontational in your post Tiddly?

Cross posted with you expat. Sorry for your loss

'So expat you're saying its impossible for a parent to ask for help from The proper places but easy to crowd fund from strangers instead?'

I'm trying to explain, Tiddly, to people who lack the empathy gene, that when your child dies, trawling round for charities, whom you might not even know about and who cannot offer help to everyone, is just not uppermost in your mind. Imagine that?! And often enough, it's others around the parents who start GoFundMe so people who know the family, or even strangers can donate if they want. There is no compulsion for anyone to donate.

And again, trying to just explain, to those lacking an empathy gene and who are unable to even imagine what it is like, when your child dies, that the couple isn't thinking straight, they may even have to deal with police, postmortems, etc if their child died, say, in a car accident or of sudden death in childhood/adolescence and not even know about government funding or be in the frame of mind to get hold of a form and fill it out. Or even able to. Yes, see, when your child dies, it can be impossible for the parents to be able to write, say or admit that their child is dead.

I'd be happy to sign a petition calling for longer paid leave in the case of a child's death, if anyone can link to it.

In the case of someone losing a child I would gladly donate some money, even if all it did was to give a grieving parent one let las form to fill in.

I tend to give to local causes rather than big charities, but completely agree that some are ridiculous.

If you are offdended by GoFundMe campaign, you can turn it off. You can just close the page.

No not confrontational. Just surprised that its impossible yet that is what we did, like many others.
But apparently I have no empathy and couldn't possible understand anything about it. Thanks.

And you presume everyone can be just like you, Tiddly. Of course. Everyone can behaves just like you. Surely. I'm quite surprised that a bereaved parent can be so incredibly offended by GoFundMe campaigns set up for bereaved parents, usually by family or friends. That's quite startling, tbh, that someone could be so, well, lacking in empathy and understanding.

this go fund me a lot of the time is just fancy begging .any child under 16 gets buried /cremated free in the uk

'any child under 16 gets buried /cremated free in the uk'

But the burial plot is not free.

But hey, fuck those beggars.

Do you mean to come across so aggressively Tiddly?
Personally I wouldn't think twice about helping with a child's funeral costs. I'd want to do anything to help their parents. The only problem I have is the possibility of fraudsters.

Where did I say I was at all offended? Never mind incredibly. I said its none of my business. All I said was a reply to a comment that said you needed thousands to pay for a funeral.
Maybe I do lack empathy. I'm a cold person these days.

I am just curious as to how the charity set up to help pay for funerals if it's not fundraising. Is a go fund me campaign not actually the same thing only localised to one funeral.

Admittedly it can be misused.

I said it was £1100 for her burial plot. I said the associated costs were £495. I said her headstone was £1900. But hey, slag away.