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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dh's ExW

52 replies

newmum1122 · 22/01/2016 18:57

Gave birth to dd1 last week. Dh ExW was one of my visitors. She brought the dsc to see me and stayed with them, brought me flowers and a card etc. Lovely.
Now a few people are saying this is weird? I didn't even think anything of it at the time!

OP posts:
EmmalinaC · 22/01/2016 19:00

Sounds to me like you're all behaving like sensible grown ups! Ignore anyone who tells you it's weird.

And congratulations! Thanks

emotionsecho · 22/01/2016 19:00

Sounds nice to me, why should she not visit with the dsc? Just because she is an ex of your dh there is no need for acrimony or distance sounds like you have a very good adult relationship which can only benefit all of you, especially the dsc, in the long run. Ignore the naysayers.

Congratulations on your ddFlowers

x2boys · 22/01/2016 19:01

well if you have an amicable enough relationship with her why should it be weird ? congratulations on your dd.

Gazelda · 22/01/2016 19:02

As long as you were comfortable with it, then I think this was a lovely thing for her to do. She has shown her DCs how important you and your baby are to her, and how much affection she has for their 'other' family.

inlawsfromhell · 22/01/2016 19:03

I think it was lovely the DC are related and look like EX fully understands what this means Grin if everyone felt the same the world would be a better place

MiddleClassProblem · 22/01/2016 19:03

Sounds like you all have a good relationship and lovely to bring her child to meet its sibling. Friends sound like they only see drama with exes which isn't always the case.
I don't know what the AIBU question is though

NeedsAMousekatool · 22/01/2016 19:03

I don't think it's weird, but DH and I hang our with my ex fairly often and have even been away with our families. However I don't like DH's ex hanging out with him, because (a) she was horribly rude to me once and (b) she clearly still fancies him - we went to her birthday party and she would only come speak to him when I wasn't there. Actually (b) might be that she hates me, but either way.

I digress. YANBU if you're asking whether you're unreasonable to be ok with him having a cordial relationship with his ex. I think it's a good sign that people can be on good terms with an ex, obviously depending on the circumstances of the split.

Owllady · 22/01/2016 19:05

It's good! :) nice, kind etc.
Congratulations

AyeAmarok · 22/01/2016 19:05

Stop looking for problems where there aren't any!

Original poster
newmum1122 · 22/01/2016 19:06

I think having spent too long on mumsnet I always associate ex's with drama!
I think I was just so glad to see some friendly faces after a horrible 20 or so hours.
Glad to know it's not weird-some people obviously just aren't able to be grown ups in certain situations I guess!

OP posts:
NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 22/01/2016 19:08

If you, DP, ex and kids are all happy then ignore anyone else! It's lovely that you all get along

HairySubject · 22/01/2016 19:10

I had dinner with my exes ex very often when we were together. She still pops round now and I have their daughter very often, at least once a week.

LalaLyra · 22/01/2016 19:12

People who've never experienced it find it odd. You didn't so just ignore it. My DH was widowed when we met and I get on very well with his MIL. We call her my "Other MIL". People, especially her friends, find it very odd that we get on so well, but it's whats best for Ds(technically Dss).

BitOutOfPractice · 22/01/2016 19:13

I don't think it's weird at all, I think it's great. Imagine all the stress and angst that you have saved the DSC from by being so amicable. They can just concentrate on getting to know the newest member of the family

Congratulations on the baby btw Thanks

RayofFuckingSunshine · 22/01/2016 19:15

I think it's lovely when people can get along. DH's ex gf is looking after DD1 when I go into labour with DD2.

caitlinohara · 22/01/2016 19:19

How nice. Congratulations on your new baby and on having such a nice relationship with his ex!

VimFuego101 · 22/01/2016 19:20

As someone who has to deal with the far less pleasant behaviour of DH's ex-wife, I would LOVE to have to deal with this :)

LadyLuck81 · 22/01/2016 19:22

I think that's lovely. Grown up relationships around. Hurrah. And congratulations.

GingerNutRiskIt · 22/01/2016 19:23

DH's ex is now my cousins DW. Cousin was best friend with DH, which is how I met him. I get on really well with her. There's never been any awkwardness. In fact it never crosses my mind except for when we have a laugh about years ago, and even then it's just a laugh.

Congratulations btw, and I agree with other people, don't let anyone tell you it's weird, I think when there's children involved you have to all be on talking terms.

redexpat · 22/01/2016 19:24

That sounds wonderful, and functional, and grown up, and a bloody good example to the children.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/01/2016 19:25

Perfect. Congratulations Flowers. Take it for what it is, and don't look for problems!

Ledkr · 22/01/2016 19:28

No weird these dates.
I looked after dh's dd with his dp while she had their dd2.
They're kids come to my Dds birthday parties too.
His dp was the ow too! Congrats

Heatherplant · 22/01/2016 19:28

Nah, DH exW and my exW (yeh I know how that looks) were the first people we told when we had DS1. We have a good relationship with both other couples. No point fighting and making yourselves bloody miserable, far better to get along!

IThoughtItWasAFart · 22/01/2016 19:30

Yes yes well done, stealth boast you all get on well congratulations.

Devilishpyjamas · 22/01/2016 19:30

I think it's good. I know a few people who manage this sort of relationdhip & admire them - far better for the kids (& adults).

Congratulations on your baby's arrival!

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