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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dh's ExW

52 replies

newmum1122 · 22/01/2016 18:57

Gave birth to dd1 last week. Dh ExW was one of my visitors. She brought the dsc to see me and stayed with them, brought me flowers and a card etc. Lovely.
Now a few people are saying this is weird? I didn't even think anything of it at the time!

OP posts:
listsandbudgets · 22/01/2016 19:31

not weird. I do not get on with DPs ex but I would love to for our children's sake. Sadly its all jsut too difficult and unlikely to happen now. I'm glad its working out for you like this :)

SolidGoldBrass · 22/01/2016 19:40

Good stuff. GIven how childish and spiteful a lot of stupid people are about XPs, new partners and stepchildren, it's a really good positive thing, particularly as it's so good for DC to see their step-siblings as part of their family.

Valentine2 · 22/01/2016 19:40

That's a lovely lady there. Your daughter seems lucky to have an extended family right away. Congratulations

Matilda2013 · 22/01/2016 19:40

I think people mostly find exes and stepmums getting on very strange. Hmm no idea why if you've never had any problems with them and it's all the best for the children but I still get the whole "oh I couldn't do it"

Heatherplant · 22/01/2016 19:40

Not a stealth boast, just a fact of my life. There are people we don't get on with but exes aren't on that list.

Matilda2013 · 22/01/2016 19:41

Oh and congratulations Flowers

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 22/01/2016 19:45

It's very refreshing to hear of a good, supportive, grown up relationship amongst the adults in a blended family situation. Most ex/step parent threads are so full of awfulness.

Congratulations on your new baby Flowers

BlueBlueBelles · 22/01/2016 19:46

I did this. I took the first photos of ExH, his girlfriend, their child and my two children.

But we have had raised eyebrows often - I went to their dc christening, have had their dc overnight babysitting etc.

If it works for you, it's a darn sight easier than hating and rowing.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 22/01/2016 19:52

No it's not weird at all. If you have a good relationship with her then why not? It's only like a friend coming visiting you.
My DP's ex didn't visit at the hospital because we aren't that close so for me it would have been a bit weird. Kind of like inviting one of the mums at school to visit who I make small talk with on passing. Weird.
She did come with dsd to our house though when we came home and she cooed over the baby for 5 minutes. :)

SanityClause · 22/01/2016 19:52

Why weird?

She brought her DC to see their new sister.

Whatever she thinks of you and her ex (your DH) your DD will be part of their lives forever. She is doing what is best for her DC. She is a grown up.

(I'm not trying to imply she thinks badly of you or your DH, or has reason to do so.)

Congratulations! Flowers

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 22/01/2016 19:53

Congratulations by the way! Flowers

Pipestheghost · 22/01/2016 19:56

Congratulations on your ddFlowers
It's fantastic that she bought the dc's to see their new sibling. It's good to hear that everyone is putting the needs of the children first and being good role models for them.

notenoughbottle · 22/01/2016 19:57

I think that's lovely not weird at all! How great that you have such s fantastic relationship.

MotherKat · 22/01/2016 19:58

Congratulations, on the baby and being a good person.
You win at life.
(except the horrid 20 hour Labour, for which I send hugs)

Stepparentbashersfuckoff · 22/01/2016 20:01

I'm seriously jealous of you right now OP. I would give my right arm to go back ten years and meet someone with an ex wife/mother as decent as the one you have ended up with. Lucky you, obviously she thinks you're lovely too and you get along so enjoy your baby and ignore people who comment on it because it's none of their friggin business!

Hassled · 22/01/2016 20:08

It's not weird at all, and many congratulations on the baby. I'm having lunch with adult DD and her stepmother (first H's wife) tomorrow - we do this quite often because we get on well. It can happen - and it makes life so much easier.

Notimefortossers · 22/01/2016 20:09

It's a shame everyone can't be like that!

Stepparentbashersfuckoff · 22/01/2016 20:11

Just realised how my post sounded - obviously I don't wish I hadn't met my DH I meant to have met him and his ex been like your DPs ex Smile

sleeponeday · 22/01/2016 20:26

How lovely, and most of all for the children - including the new baby.

Congratulations, and sorry you had a rough time with the birth.

Grilledaubergines · 22/01/2016 20:33

Not weird at all. Relationships break down. It doesn't make either party the devil. The xw did what you do when you don't hate; embracing a bigger, wider family, where everyone benefits - the adults and more importantly, the children.

Grilledaubergines · 22/01/2016 20:33

And congratulations!

VoldysGoneMouldy · 22/01/2016 20:34

How lovely. It's a wonderful way to start of the shift in dynamic that's happened, and hopefully it will stay that way. Ignore the people saying it's weird!

Mitzeeee · 22/01/2016 20:41

Aw you sound lovely, she sounds lovely, and what a positive environment for your DC! So nice that everyone can be a grown up, as a PP said - so much less energy than bitching and rowing!
Congrats!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 22/01/2016 20:59

Nice not weird. Ex wife brought DSS to see his new brothers when they were born as well.

MammaTJ · 22/01/2016 21:21

No, that is nice and right and as it should be!

A bit unusual maybe, but that is because the rest of us cannot be as grown up as you!

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