This mum is totally unreasonable isn't she? Help me word a reply!

[WaitrosePigeon]

My son went to his friends house for a play and tea yesterday. They are both 5. They went to a local soft play.

I went to pick my son up and the husband was there, all good. Had a great time.

I text the mum to say thank you etc and I had this reply...

'No problem! They had a great time at soft play and then they had some dinner there. It came to £10.00. You can give me the money at the gates tomorrow. Have a nice evening! X'

Erm what the fuck? Is that normal? What do I do?

I'm surprised how many people think you should pay when someone else invites your child out as a guest. If I've invited a child out I wouldn't dream of asking their parents for money. It had never occurred to me before I read this post.

My mindset is that you 'pay' the other parents 'back' if you take their child out as a guest somewhere or even just by having them round to play after school. But that there's no obligation to do that.

(Having said that, we've offered money when my children have been invited to expensive theme parks for birthdays though it has always been refused.)

So I understand your surprise / annoyance but wouldn't have engaged in a text debate - life is too short. Just hand over the money and take a step back.

I would have paid it but then in future stopped providing free outings and asked for money up front

^this is all that was needed.

Wonder over the years how many more people she has asked for money and what their take on it is.
Personally around here a tenner here and there such as soft play, swimming etc you wouldn't pay but things like Legoland or bigger days out you certainly would give your child money for ticket and meal,drink and extra money to buy a round of ice creams etc as thanks for taking them.

I always send money with my dd but it always gets refused and i do the same in return.

I'm on mat leave at the moment and taking dd1 to school everyday. It only occurred to me the other day l will see the same parents at the school gates for the next 6.5 years

With this new knowledge clearly have baby brain to only just realise this l have decided to stay under the radar and not get involved in anything with anyone

I think you will regret this OP but this thread has been entertaining

ThrowingShade

The thing is, in your situation, the mum didn't have all the facts. The mum in this situation does have all the facts.

The fact that she is willing to accept OP's hospitality (trip to Legoland, meals etc) and yet expect to OP for outings/meals is the type of behaviour that will not be resolved simply by keeping silent.

It needs challenging, either verbally (in person or text) or by actions (declining all further invites).

I think it's a bit strange that you enjoyed this woman feeling nervous and awkward, when you could have easily set her straight.

Don't think the op had realised she had got involved with anything

It's really rude and ignorant. I agree with saying well if you'd rather do it this way then you owe me £x for such and such an outing. But that would take courage. I'd be reluctant to hand over a penny until I'd got the money back from things I'd paid for. If I did it would be the end of the friendship and outings.

Right. I was going to say don't send that text, use Micah's idea. But given that reply all bets are off. What a COW. HOW can she not realise you've taken her DS out and paid?

I'd send back 'maybe next time you should decline my taking your DS out, if you're going to accept that and then ask for payment when you reciprocate '.

You should be aware when considering this strategy that o have a couple of mums who now blank me at school.

Seriously, though, I would say something, I wouldn't let her have the last word.

I think i would draw a line under it and view it as a lesson learnt. Give her the £10 and in future if you take her ds out ask for the money first. Eg 'we are going to x place the cost is £x let me know if you'd like your ds to come along with us'. Sadly some people just take advantage and I think she has with you. X

Place marking!

It wasn't that I enjoyed her squirming Lee, it was more that I was pleased with the way I handled it and with her eventual apology - I was absolutely spitting fucking furious with her text and her allegations and could have fired off an equally emotional and silly text back. I chose not to respond and engage it. Then I was very satisfied when she realised she'd been a spectacular arse over text.

Oh my god OP! I'm unclear on whether you sent a response after her response - did you, and have you heard back?

I'm stressed out on your behalf. She sounds like a piece of work.

I never ask for money if we've invited a child out. Half the parents offer to pay us, half don't. We appreciate the gesture but never accept the money.

I always offer money if DS has been invited out. 90% of the time the parents accept the money from us - even when we've taken their child out and refused money from them. I'm always a bit but figure it's one of those things, different financial circumstances, blah, blah.

We wouldn't invite another child along if we couldn't afford it and wouldn't accept an invite if we couldn't afford it. It's a fucking minefield .

I certainly wouldn't dream of sending a text like that. Cheeky cow!

We wouldn't invite another child along if we couldn't afford it and wouldn't accept an invite if we couldn't afford it. It's a fucking minefield

Yep.

I think I would respond with:

'If you are struggling for money perhaps it would have been better stick to what we arranged (soft play, not dinner there) to avoid such an uncomfortable misunderstanding arising. If I was going to be petty I would keep the £10 as a contribution towards the share the cost of Legoland or all the numerous meals out your son has enjoyed with us. However, I was brought up to believe that if you invite someone somewhere you cover the cost, otherwise you do something different within your means.'

But then I'm a bitch!

OP I'd of had to reply also! Never heard of this before and we've taken kids to theme parks, theatre trips, safari parks etc If I offer a day out I pay and same for kids friends. Madness lol

I wouldn't dream of requesting payment for this. I would pay though if someone asked. What else can you do really?

I cba to go back over to the thread so I can't recall the posters name who said count it out in pennies one by one, but I must say. I do like that idea.

What odd behaviour from this mum to ask you for £10 and yet not have offered to do the same for you re: Lego Land (she must know how much that costs, surely?!) and all the other times you've taken her son out.

I look forward to hearing if she replies, I think your response (to her initial snotty reply about your financial circs) was spot on!

I don't think, in this situation, there's anything wrong with calling out the bad behaviour. Who knows, she may have done this before to parents who are genuinely struggling financially.

Plus, if you let this slide, what if this becomes the standard practice in school? Fuck that noise.

Bloody cheek!

I would cough up and then drop the woman like a stone from my contacts book.

Can you ask for a receipt??