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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This mum is totally unreasonable isn't she? Help me word a reply!

540 replies

WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 10:32

My son went to his friends house for a play and tea yesterday. They are both 5. They went to a local soft play.

I went to pick my son up and the husband was there, all good. Had a great time.

I text the mum to say thank you etc and I had this reply...

'No problem! They had a great time at soft play and then they had some dinner there. It came to £10.00. You can give me the money at the gates tomorrow. Have a nice evening! X'

Erm what the fuck? Is that normal? What do I do?

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/01/2016 12:43

I doubt she'll reply.

zzzzz · 21/01/2016 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Throwingshade · 21/01/2016 12:47

Honest, yes. Not on text. And not when you are banging your head against a brick wall. Or where it's going to cause drama over such a little stupid thing. But I guess it's the Facebook/keyboard warrior generation where everything is said behind screens and it's awkward when you have to get along in real life. Could have been said perfectly reasonably when she saw her.

LucilleLeSueur · 21/01/2016 12:47

I would ABSOLUTELY have replied by text. No way I would have risen above replying to that shambles of a message from her.
Keep things in writing, that way you've got a record of her outrageous behaviour 😉

MsMims · 21/01/2016 12:48

I don't think you've done the wrong thing sending a reply OP. I would, if I felt I was being taken for a mug. Hopefully she'll realise what a hypocrite she is being and leave it now.

JaneHair · 21/01/2016 12:48

I wouldnt apologise to her as you've done nothing wrong but i would say 'here is the ten pounds. As i never asked to be reimbursed for the cost i spent taking your son to legoland i had assumed we would just be waiving all costs.' And then smile sweetly at her.

Leelu6 · 21/01/2016 12:48

I don't think Snow's suggested response was egging OP on.

This is why people like this woman get away with such bad behaviour, because no one pulls them on it.

I would totally have said something to this woman by text.

It's not like OP is going pay for this woman's DC after this event, so why not make it clear to her that her behaviour is shitty.

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 21/01/2016 12:52

Thing is OP has to see this woman daily. It's not a case of having a shitty text exchange with some random. It's going to make school pick ups and drop offs really awkward and potentially impact on the DCs relationship. People say stuff in writing that they just wouldn't say face to face.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/01/2016 12:52

It's not a case of looking like a mug by not replying to her shitty text.

Waitrose knows that she wasn't in the wrong and that the other Mum was a cheeky mare.

There is such a thing as 'keeping your powder dry' and maintaining the moral high ground.

DragonMamma · 21/01/2016 12:52

Bloody hell, what a cheeky cow.

A friend takes one of my DC to soft play semi regularly, as hers is an only and she likes the company etc. I would never offer to pay, in the same way she wouldn't when she comes to ours. Odd.

I bet the cheeky woman won't reply now you've called her out on her lack of reimbursement previously!

Thistledew · 21/01/2016 12:54

I would reply:

"Ok. Will do. Could you let me have the receipts for that amount?"

Throwingshade · 21/01/2016 12:54

I had a shitty text from a mum about a year ago. I was furious! It was about my son, she'd not got the facts, it was a load of shit and I knew the truth would come out very soon and very clearly. I didn't respond at all. The truth DID come out a few days later. She then was extremely nervous and awkward around me, made conversation (I replied politely) and in the end apologised profusely (by text!!!) I replied 'Apology accepted'. It was all very satisfying as I didn't get sucked in to some juvenile, bitchy text conversation.

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/01/2016 12:55

I used to let things slide and ignore comments but I have found people do things again and again and get worse and worse.
I have found making sure people know I will not stand for anything has definitely helped me.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 21/01/2016 12:55

Rise above it? No. In this case 'rising above it' is actually 'being a pushover'. The mum knows she is completely wrong. She knows full well the past playdate situations, she's being a chancer and she knows it.

zzzzz · 21/01/2016 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 21/01/2016 12:56

There is such a thing as 'keeping your powder dry' and maintaining the moral high ground.

I completely agree with this. It seems a bit of an overreaction to turn someone into a mortal enemy over misunderstanding over a tenner. Pay it, explain nicely you don't want it to happen again so you'll both need to check if you're taking kids out on paid trips and then leave it.

beeny · 21/01/2016 12:57

The woman is a complete cow and taking advantage of your generous nature.

Diamogs · 21/01/2016 12:58

Usually I would avoid confrontation but the other mum is clearly quite blunt about stuff so I think snow's reply was spot on

AuntMabel · 21/01/2016 12:59

Sometimes it's really not worth wasting time on a text reply, but this was not one of those times.

Super cheeky of the Mum to have put the OP in this position in the first place. You can't expect to spend other people's money on their behalf, text them a bill and not get pulled up on it!

evilcherub · 21/01/2016 12:59

If you just pay her she is going to keep doing this to other people. I would make a point of asking her for the money you spent on her child. If she is going to be that pushy about getting money off you, make it clear that she has to abide by the same rules. Judging by her reply she won't take anything in by you just giving her the money and being gracious.

Throwingshade · 21/01/2016 12:59

Agree Purple and people saying 'don't be a pushover' are not getting the point

Fabellini · 21/01/2016 13:00

Blimey, she was being a bit rude with her reply, wasn't she? I like to think that I'd have been able to sit on my hands and just leave it......but probably would have sent a proper bitchy reply and caused myself a load of hassle for months afterwards.
I'm learning as I get older that sometimes it is just easier to let stuff go, and it's not necessarily wimpy, it's just that some things aren't worth getting het up about.

lostInTheWash · 21/01/2016 13:00

There is such a thing as 'keeping your powder dry' and maintaining the moral high ground.

This is true - it's how I was raised but I increasingly find that people can see it as weakness or that you are a doormat. Plus I find you can get resentful which only damages you while they swan off.

At least this way if OP gets manoeuvred into future play dates the other mother knows she isn't going to be a pushover.

I would worry about her bitching to other mums - but frankly that could happen what ever.

I think the key is to be polite but assertive of your position - here it's fine okay we'll pay but it courteous to let us know in advance and if we are doing that you pay for your child when we take them out.

Throwingshade · 21/01/2016 13:00

zzzzz I tend to do all correspondence by pigeon carrier if I don't have my footmen to deliver my parchments by carriage Wink

JellyTotCat · 21/01/2016 13:02

I would have paid it but then in future stopped providing free outings and asked for money up front.