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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This mum is totally unreasonable isn't she? Help me word a reply!

540 replies

WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 10:32

My son went to his friends house for a play and tea yesterday. They are both 5. They went to a local soft play.

I went to pick my son up and the husband was there, all good. Had a great time.

I text the mum to say thank you etc and I had this reply...

'No problem! They had a great time at soft play and then they had some dinner there. It came to £10.00. You can give me the money at the gates tomorrow. Have a nice evening! X'

Erm what the fuck? Is that normal? What do I do?

OP posts:

Ludoole · 21/01/2016 13:34

If she hasnt replied by school pickup, id just walk up to her, give her the tenner and walk away i would even attempt to engage with her after the snotty text message

BorisIsBack · 21/01/2016 13:35

Anyone else now looking for the reverse thread from the other mum?

TheWitTank · 21/01/2016 13:36

I would just pay the tenner and put her on the 'avoid in future' list. No point getting all wound up over it. Yes, it's rude, especially as you have payed out a lot more I'm trips and treats, but I cba with arguing about it or sending PA texts. Stick the tenner in an envelope, hand it over and don't make any more play arrangements with her.

PurpleDaisies · 21/01/2016 13:36

Anyone else now looking for the reverse thread from the other mum?

Oooh I'd like to see that one.

Blossom8 · 21/01/2016 13:38

Over the summer half term, I've taken my DD and her 2 friends for soft play followed by Pizza Express a few times and I paid - I wouldn't expect their parents to pay. In my opinion, it's my idea so my treat and more importantly if my DD's friends make her happy then that's good enough for me.

However, there's been one occasion when I took my DD and two of her other friends to a zoo theme park where I happily paid for their entry and then one of the kids became sick in my car and I ended up with a £100 cleaning bill. The mother offered to pay but I said no as it's just one of those things.

BasinHaircut · 21/01/2016 13:38

I was really hoping she would have replied by the time I got to the end of the thread!

What a cheeky bitch!

You absolutely did not need to offer the money in advance because she had set a precedent by allowing you to pay for her DC on previous outings. Can't believe she didn't even offer you anything for legoland though.

I'm wondering how her mind works as she obviously thinks that you owe her whatever she spent on your DS, but not the reverse. So what if you didn't ask?

BoffinMum · 21/01/2016 13:39

Tenner in an envelope? No, pay in random coins, surely. And stamps and discount coupons

MTPurse · 21/01/2016 13:40

What a cheek

JimmyGreavesMoustache · 21/01/2016 13:42

not normal
I thought the rule was that the non-hosting parent offers to pay, and the hosting parent tells them not to be so daft?

i'd give the money without comment, but would file in the "more trouble than they're worth" box and probably look to minimise future contact, as you can bet if they're weird about this they'll be weird about other shit too.

Overrunwithlego · 21/01/2016 13:43

Hmmm. Do you think she is having money problems op? Seems odd that she thinks it one rule for her and another for you and I wonder if her money problems are at the root of it - perhaps thinking she could afford it and then realising she had forgotten about another payment for example?

If not, then I would struggle to rise above this. But I would be handing over the money and explaining that I personally would always pay if I'd invited - hence the trip to legoland etc. I'd make it clear I wouldn't want it to affect the boys friendship and then make a deliberate point of inviting her child for something and stating clearly (and loudly to all the playground!) that I don't expect her to pay! Whilst I would undoubtedly reduce the amount of play dates that required extra cost, I would throw the odd one in, again touching her on the arm whilst explaining loudly (again to the entire playground) that "I know you ask for payment when you have invited my DS out, but I am of the opinion that as I've invited him I'll pay, so don't worry about offering any money".

But I'm probably in a bit of a grump today!!

LeaLeander · 21/01/2016 13:44

I think it would have been more dignified to just pay and say nothing. It's not as though you are just giving her the money; your son did get a meal and playtime out of it.
Was she cheap and tacky to request reimbursement? Yes, but it's also cheap and tacky to get into a texting duel over it.
Always better to offer payment and have it declined than to assume someone is happy to pick up your tab.

Original poster

WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 13:44

Nothing yet, sorry people. However I will see her in around an hour. I'm going to give her the £10 in pound coins.

OP posts:

Groovee · 21/01/2016 13:44

I'd get £10 in 1p's and hand it over. And not offer any nice trips again.

Original poster

WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 13:45

If there was a reverse I'm not sure how she would come out winning!

OP posts:

Stumbletrip40 · 21/01/2016 13:45

nah - she's just an assertive old moo who hasn't thought that she did something v convenient for her - giving the kids dinner at the softplay, then billed you for it. Most of us would have stumped up and shut up ourselves if we'd been too lazy to give the kids a few fish fingers at home. I wouldn't have replied further though. I wouldn't worry about her talking about it - she's not going to come off that well, most people would either have checked re dinner or paid for both and not mentioned it.

YellowTulips · 21/01/2016 13:46

It's reminding me of the thread were the OP was invited to a party where there were drinks and basic nibbles (nuts, crisps etc) and the next day got asked for £20 or some other amount for coming - even though she had brought wine, flowers with her for the host.

Some people are just bonkers.

It's beyond rude to spend money on other peoples behalf.

MTPurse · 21/01/2016 13:46

Pound coins? I'd be writing out a cheque

Original poster

WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 13:47

A cheque! That's a great idea!

OP posts:

Stumbletrip40 · 21/01/2016 13:47

I wouldn't, I'd not descend to her level. She's in the wrong, but you'll look tacky if you do that kind of thing.

MangoBiscuit · 21/01/2016 13:48

The pound coins looks intentional, a cheque is just what you use when you haven't had a chance to get to a cash machine.

PurpleDaisies · 21/01/2016 13:49

I'm going to give her the £10 in pound coins.

Really?
It just seems so childish. Do you want to end the friendship? Is there more up this than the money issue?

YellowTulips · 21/01/2016 13:49

Cheques aren't tacky they are however bloody annoying (especially if the name is spelt incorrectly and you are forced to ask for another

BasinHaircut · 21/01/2016 13:50

Yeah I was about to suggest a cheque. Make it difficult for her!

KoalaDownUnder · 21/01/2016 13:50

Oh god, I hate things like this.

I'd just fork over the tenner and never speak of it or to her again.

She was beyond rude to ask, but there's no way I'd get into a text argument over ten quid.

Original poster

WaitrosePigeon · 21/01/2016 13:51

I was joking Purple. I will give her a note and make sure the air is clear.

OP posts:

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