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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to eat food that my mother has cooked?

234 replies

Cheeseoncrumpets · 17/01/2016 12:00

I probably am being a bit unreasonable a bit, but to put it bluntly she is shit at cooking. Everything is either frozen or out of a packet, either overcooked or undercooked, unseasoned and served on a freezing cold plate. Her roast dinners are the absolute worst though, unseasoned cremated meat, frozen Yorkshire puddings, burned roast potatoes and veg that's been stewed for about two hours smothered in thick gloopy bisto gravy. I feel sick just thinking about it.

So, she's currently in a huff with me because I don't want to go around there and eat one of her Sunday roasts. To put it into context, we usually all go out as a family together for Sunday dinner. But today she's decided she can't be bothered today's and so instead of asking us first has gone out this morning and bought a piece of beef, some veg and has announced she will be making us all lunch instead. My heart sunk as I was looking forward to a hearty Sunday meal, cooked properly in a nice pub. So I declined and said "no thanks, you know Im not a big lover of Sunday dinner" and then got in the ear because she's bought everything in for us, and she's also enquired as to why I will eat a roast in the pub but not one of hers...

So now I'm stuck. She's not good with crticism anyway so I can't really say "sorry mum but your a shit cook" without it provoking WW3.

I know it's trivial, but am I really unreasonable to not want to eat her slop cooking eveer again?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 17/01/2016 14:43

Do you honestly eat with them every single week?

usual · 17/01/2016 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 17/01/2016 14:46

I have a hunch that the OP dislikes a lot more about her mother than her cooking.

Zame · 17/01/2016 14:48

Nothing wrong with frozen yorkshires at all,
Just eat the food and get over it! As long as she had good hygiene I really wouldn't make an issue of it.

diddl · 17/01/2016 14:53

OP, what does everyone else think of your mum's cooking?

Is it really that bad or just that you have a different preference?

I also have to say that I can't see anything especially wrong with frozen Yorkshires, especially if you are cooking for a few people & yours don'talways work!

DinosaursRoar · 17/01/2016 14:54

I really think those who are saying "help then" don't get that in many families, the mere act of offering to help is viewed as either a polite offer that is not supposed to be accepted, or the offerer is basically saying "you are incapable of doing this without help" - so offering will be taken as an insult.

OP - I feel your pain - my parents are from the "meat should be cremated and veg mush" school of thought - I genuninely thought I didn't like meat or most root veg when I went off to uni, then discovered that actually, it was just my parent's cooking (although to be fair, both mum and dad's cooking being equally bad meant that I went off to uni as a small size 6, since discovering that food is supposed to taste nice I've actually had to put effort into being slim rather than food avoidance being easy).

It's now over 5 years since they cooked for me, I always offer to host "oh come to us for Christmas day, you've done your years and the children are getting bulky toys so we won't be able to bring them with us." or meet them out.

OP - you said you go out alot for Sunday lunch with them, do you offer to cook for them, or will they just criticise your cooking?

I also would knock on the head the spending every Sunday lunch with them thing - be busy and pop in for tea instead to start with (sandwiches and cake much easier to get right). Invite them over in the week instead... Makes it much easier if you don't have to have the big meal...

Some people can't cook very well, it's usually better for your relationship with them to do non-food related things so you don't end up in this situation.

sonjadog · 17/01/2016 14:57

My mother is also obsessed with frozen food. I suspect it comes from being part of the first generation of women who had careers outside the home, but who were still expected to take charge of childrearing and housework.

Her food is fairly awful but there are a few things that are okay and I rave about them so that she makes them more often than her more experimental dishes.

PandoraLovesGin · 17/01/2016 15:02

My PIL cooking is horrendous, the meat is like burnt cardboard, the vegetables are like mush and the gravy is like water; but we go over, smile, say thank you and then get a take away on the way home and have a good laugh about it.

Like others have said, unless the kitchen is dirty it's not worth the upset that will be caused if you say you don't like the cooking.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/01/2016 15:03

dinsoaurs

But the OP's description of the help she offers is to give her DM advice how to make the food taste nicer.

I can't imagine anyone being happy to accept that kind of "help".

CozyLinusBlanket · 17/01/2016 15:03

My Mum was great at some meals, but persisted with the crap ones. She bought a home fryer but was too scared to turn it up full, so everything was soggy - soggy spam fritters (blech), soggy home'cooked' chips. The killer insult I got on the playground was 'Your Mum makes horrible chips.' It stung because it was true!

abbsismyhero · 17/01/2016 15:05

i introduced my mom to broccoli she seriously was not a good cook i had to learn as a self defence mechanism Grin saying that though when she tried she was actually good as long as she cooked what she knew she could cook well and didn't try to fry anything her sunday lunches were great but her fishfingers and chips were dire!

fortunately unlike most people she was more than happy to sit down and let me handle the food in her house she provided the house the food the company and i did the actual cooking

whatever works Grin

DinosaursRoar · 17/01/2016 15:09

Well, to be fair, if the OP's mum will only accept help inthe form of doing things exactly her way, then helping won't improve the taste of the food. Saying "can I help" and the answer being "yes, put the carrots on now" (45 minutes before serving), doesn't change the mush levels unless the OP then says something about how to make it a bit better.

deliciousdevilwoman · 17/01/2016 15:11

"I would just be honest with her and say 'I love you mum but I don't love your cooking', and establish that if you eat at hers you do the cooking - so she can 'relax' and spend time with the gc."

Or

"I also would knock on the head the spending every Sunday lunch with them thing - be busy and pop in for tea instead to start with (sandwiches and cake much easier to get right). Invite them over in the week instead... Makes it much easier if you don't have to have the big meal..."

Good advice from Yseulte and Dinosaur.

motherinferior · 17/01/2016 15:20

Definitely try and shift to tea. With Bought Cake.Smile

My mum is a fabulous cook...apart from the roasts she inflicted us on us every Sunday. Grey overcooked versions of Anglo food (my mother is from India). I still shudder at the memory. I feel your pain.

DinosaursRoar · 17/01/2016 15:20

oh and I never answered your question - YANBU to not want to eat her food, however you will have to even if you don't want to.

Today it can't be avoided, but in the future, you will just have to find more ways to spend time with her that aren't focussed on food. No more sunday lunches out (risking her pulling this one again) - invite her to you, or arrange to do something other than just go for a meal, invite her on a walk round a country house/gardens that ends at a pub for lunch or take a picnic if it's better weather, to a car boot or a local event. Just "have plans" over lunchtime on Sunday but arrange to see her for tea on sunday or in the week.

Not sure if my parents have noticed that since DC1 was 6 months old we've not eaten a meal they cooked, because we've invited them to us, met at parks half way between us, all met up at my brother's house, gone round museums, gone to other events where we've met them there etc.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/01/2016 15:21

Well, to be fair, if the OP's mum will only accept help inthe form of doing things exactly her way, then helping won't improve the taste of the food

If that is indeed the case. What might happen (if the OP were to offer genuine help rather than criticism disguised as help) is that she could surreptitiously steer the timings around to something that would result in a tastier meal. So not put the carrots on at exactly the time suggested, for example.

But I actually get the impression that anyone who takes to an internet forum to whinge about frozen Yorkshire puddings is probably not looking for a solution but just wants to prove what high standards she has compared with her mum.

Original poster
Cheeseoncrumpets · 17/01/2016 15:32

Ok, well I've eaten. We had leak and potato soup to start, that was quite nice. Could have been a bit hotter but that's just me being picky to be honest.

Main was ok. Beef was a bit overcooked, and had been left standing for ages so was nearly cold. Stil it was edible. The rest wasn't great, the roast potaties managed to be both black on the outside yet soggy in the middle. No seasoning. I ate three out of four so I did make an effort. The broccoli and cauliflower were as predicted boiled to the point that when I put my falk into them they sort of melted. Rank, I didn't eat those. I did eat the yorkshire pudding though so my plate did look almost clear.

So I made an effort. But it wasn't great, I didn't say anything though.

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 17/01/2016 15:35

((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) you for being there and sacrificing your taste buds for us Grin

diddl · 17/01/2016 15:38

I don't season my roasties!

Is it obligatory?Grin

DinosaursRoar · 17/01/2016 15:43

Quite possibly, I refuse to accept that all pubs offering sunday lunches don't sometimes cheat with pre-made things like yorkshires, some of which are actually very good. I would always make my own, but wouldn't turn my nose up at one.

This view might be coloured by the fact that an Aunt Bessie frozen yorkshire would have a superior taste and texture to my Dads yorkshires, but as he was a self-styled "new man" in the 70s, he was always determined to do lots of the cooking and for some unfathomable reason was incharge of yorkshires, dispite all evidence suggesting he was incapable of making yorkshires that didn't stick to the pan, he would manage the impressive feet of making yorkshires that were both soggy and burnt.

Once when both my brother and I were home from uni, to "experiment a bit" Dad used self raising flour in his yorkies and we'd be offered some sort of cake - we were all terribly polite and said they were lovely - and from then onwards he'd always make his 'cakey yorkshires'. We only have escaped the bastard love child of a yorkshire pudding and a fairy cake by either me cooking sunday lunch when we all meet up on a sunday or going out for lunch.

Not that I ever serve beef, they would loudly make rude comments about my inability to cook beef all the way through "properly" (I have never made comments about theirs being over cooked) and trying to take it off the DCs plates as it's "not safe" for small children to eat medium cooked beef, I only serve them chicken (or turkey at christmas) if I do a roast. Much safer all round.

DinosaursRoar · 17/01/2016 15:45

I don't season my roasties either, but then I put salt and pepper on the table for you to season your own. (Am also cooking for a toddler so don't add salt to most cooking.)

diddl · 17/01/2016 15:46

The first time I tried to make Yorkshires, the non stick stuck to the bottom of them!Grin

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 17/01/2016 15:47

Namechangenell - this is a one off meal. OP & her parents usually eat Sunday lunch together at a pub!

Lucyccfc · 17/01/2016 15:50

My Mum and Dad cook like this (must be a generation thing).

I really, really hate mushy veg and would never eat it as a child. Now I k ow how to cook it correctly, I eat all types of veg.

When I go for Sunday dinner at my parents now, I just ask them to put some veg to one side and I put it in the steamer for 5 minutes rather than the 40 minutes they cook theirs for. When they first asked me why - I just told them that I didn't like soggy veg.

Just be honest and say you don't like her food.

diddl · 17/01/2016 16:08

What generation arewe talking of that cooks like this??

I'm not sure it's generational as much as passed down & not questioned!

My mum would be in her 80s if still here & didn't do mushy veg!