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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to just want a simple and inexpensive engagement ring

133 replies

OnADarkDesertHighway · 15/01/2016 15:17

DP and I have just got engaged. I'm beyond thrilled and we are going to choose my engagement ring tomorrow.

I do not wear rings and like subtle rather than bling jewellery. I just want a simple ring with a small stone that does not cost a fucking fortune.

When I have said this I have had a couple of comments from work colleagues and others insinuating I should expect a great big rock costing thousands. One suggested if I get a simple inexpensive ring it sends out a statement and I should want some flash rock I can show off.

Why? I do not get it. My ring, my choice. I would not fucking dream of telling anyone the sort of ring they should have. Is this normal?

OP posts:

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SapphireSeptember · 16/01/2016 09:36

My engagement ring was £17 from Argos! It has a teeny tiny diamond in it, and it's 9ct gold, but I think it's so pretty and very dainty. We'd only been together three months at that point, and I think DH wanted to go the traditional route of a gold and diamond ring, but he was skint at the time. (I would have preferred silver, but it's a bit late now!) My wedding ring is silver, as we still didn't have much money and I wanted something sturdy and plain, DH's is gold with a twisted pattern, and it's quite thin metal, but his job is less demanding on his hands than mine! They were similar prices, but most of my jewellery is silver, and I prefer that. And I quite like that they don't match, I think it's quite unusual. We both got the ring we wanted.

Someone up thread said the people who designed her ring said garnets are tacky! I love garnets, they are one of my favourite gemstones!

londonrach · 16/01/2016 09:41

Congratulations. Get the ring you want. Personally i think a small simple ring is more classy than a show off brash massive ring but everyone likes different things. I went with simple too. Congrations

Bunbaker · 16/01/2016 09:45

"Also it happens both ways, almost like inverse snobbery."

As is the case with most material possessions.

I have a rather valuable sapphire ring that my godmother gave me. I never wear it because I just don't like wearing rings other than my £30 wedding ring, so it sits in the safe. It seems a shame to have something so pretty hidden away, but I keep it for sentimental reasons. I will pass it on to my daughter when she is old enough.

londonrach · 16/01/2016 09:55

Forgot to say i was taken to tiffany and co and told to choose anything. (No idea where the money would have come from but the thought was there). We went, we saw, huge stones, maasive rings and so totally wrong for me. Im sure others would love them but not my simple tastes. I looked at now dh, he smiled at me and we walked out empty handed. Bought my ring about 5 weeks ago in a small independent jeweller. About 5 years later he bought me the most perfect necklace which i wear diary, again going for simple. Its going for what you like!

SirChenjin · 16/01/2016 09:56

I think that's because we're sold the idea that unless we spend a lot of money on something it's has no value - the whole brand thing being something to aspire to. Rings have definitely become blingier in the 20-odd years since we were all getting engaged - the ring might not be of such good quality, but as long as the stone is big that's OK.

SirChenjin · 16/01/2016 09:57

That was in response to the "inverse snobbery" post from earlier

WaitrosePigeon · 16/01/2016 10:40

I understand and agree where you're coming from Sir. That's not my stance though, as in spending more means more. My wedding ring is my grandmothers and it's worth peanuts. It's a shame we are conditioned to think like this.

WaitrosePigeon · 16/01/2016 10:41

As is the case with most material possessions

Yep, shame isn't it. I wish there was no judgement at all where money spent is concerned but there is both ways, unfortunately.

SirChenjin · 16/01/2016 10:50

I agree - it's a shame.

Have you had any negative comments to your face about your engagement ring or has the general consensus been along the lines of "ooh, wow"?

HermioneJeanGranger · 16/01/2016 10:54

Congratulations! My ring cost less than £100 from Argos and I love it.

WaitrosePigeon · 16/01/2016 10:56

Not to my face but behind my back yes, I now feel quite awkward about it - almost embarrassed. Like people with a simpler ring feeling embarrassed - why should any of us feel embarrassed. I didn't even choose the bloody thing!

BuggersMuddle · 16/01/2016 10:58

YANBU although I do find it amusing that MN tends to come over all 4 Yorkshiremen about engagement rings.

Buying a small ring is not 'more classy', doesn't mean your marriage will last longer etc. etc. By all means have a small ring, but some of the comments on here about big diamonds are quite sneery.

It is entirely possible to be romantic and meaningful with or without spending a lot on the ring OP. Go for what you like and are comfortable with.

Dixiechickonhols · 16/01/2016 11:01

No engagement ring here. We married soon after, no big engagement fuss. I had a wedding ring with stones set in (not expensive one). No regrets. Rather spend our money elsewhere. I'm not a jewellery person.

SirChenjin · 16/01/2016 11:07

Any comments along the lines of 'the value of the ring shows how much he loves you' Waitrose?

The person who reported those 'behind your back' comments should be ashamed of themselves - I hope they challenged the comments.

WaitrosePigeon · 16/01/2016 11:12

'Crikey you must got on your knees a few times for that' - by a close friend. She is jokey like this and I know it was a lighthearted comment but it's stayed with me'.

'I wonder how many hours at the office he had to put it for that'

'You are very loved'

Yes really. I've had the ring a few years now so I don't get comments anymore but those stuck with me.

I cant believe those are the things that first come into people's heads. Shouldn't they just just be happy for you?

I'm not stealth boasting by the way - I am genuinely upset about those comments!

WaitrosePigeon · 16/01/2016 11:13

Because then I think do people not take our relationship seriously or think there's no substance to it - know what I mean!

WaitrosePigeon · 16/01/2016 11:14

That's the ring by the way, not overly ostentatious!

AIBU unreasonable to just want a simple and inexpensive engagement ring

BuggersMuddle · 16/01/2016 11:15

Also, there's no allowing for assholes OP. The sort of person who makes sneery comments about your ring will probably just find something else to make sneery comments about if you did turn up with a ring that met her criteria for what an engagement ring should be.

SirChenjin · 16/01/2016 11:23

Yuk - those are horrible comments

Your ring is gorgeous btw - I love halo settings (is that what they're called?)

SirChenjin · 16/01/2016 11:24

Not the 'very loved' comment btw (although it still indicates the size of the ring = the amount of love )

knobblyknee · 16/01/2016 11:29

A plain platinum band is the classiest ring anyone could ask for IMO (even if its not actually platinum )

Feelingworriednow · 16/01/2016 11:53

I've been divorced for 10 years and haven't worn a ring for all that time having had to have my wedding and engagement rings cut off when he left.
I thought I would treat myself to something as I would love to wear a sparkly ring for no reason other than I think it is pretty. I considered pink sapphires, diamonds, emeralds etc and then I found this website www.heavenlynecklaces.com and bought myself a "diamond" ring that would have bankrupted myself had it been real, would have been over £30k! They are fantastic fakes and, for me, a bit of self indulgent fun. Loads of people have thought it was real, which can be a bit of a giggle, but I have never claimed it is a diamond if anyone asks. I have had a few comments that it looks like an engagement ring, although I don't wear it on that finger, and since I'm long term single, that's a bit odd, but I have simply told them that their assumptions are their problems, I just like the sparkle - it makes me happy!
Your ring should be what you like, big, small, new, antique, real, fake and worn for whatever reason you'll keep. It is not even a required that every ring has to have a story behind it! Enjoy yours!

flowery · 16/01/2016 12:27

Be confident in your own choices. Which means not feeling the need to put down other people's choices. Both the OPs friends and some of the posters on here could do with remembering that I think.

Mine happens to be a fairly large solitaire in a claw setting. Strangely enough it doesn't keep getting caught on things even though I never take it off. And I think it looks perfectly "classy", as does DH, which is all that matters.

But I certainly don't look down on anyone else's choice, whether it's bigger and more blingy or smaller and more delicate/a more unusual stone/setting or whatever. Because doing that would definitely not be "classy".

SirChenjin · 16/01/2016 15:34

Feeling - love that website, thanks for the link

nooka · 16/01/2016 17:52

My engagement ring cost forty pounds. It has three tiny diamonds in a twist of gold. I have had a few comments about it over the years but I am not keen on jewellery (I don't wear either of my rings now) and hated the bigger ones when dh and I went to look. Have to say that for me the ring choosing was quite a stressful experience - dh got a bit upset that I didn't really like anything he picked out.

I like bigger rings in principle, just not on my hands. I much prefer larger jewels as a pendant necklace.

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