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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to just want a simple and inexpensive engagement ring

133 replies

OnADarkDesertHighway · 15/01/2016 15:17

DP and I have just got engaged. I'm beyond thrilled and we are going to choose my engagement ring tomorrow.

I do not wear rings and like subtle rather than bling jewellery. I just want a simple ring with a small stone that does not cost a fucking fortune.

When I have said this I have had a couple of comments from work colleagues and others insinuating I should expect a great big rock costing thousands. One suggested if I get a simple inexpensive ring it sends out a statement and I should want some flash rock I can show off.

Why? I do not get it. My ring, my choice. I would not fucking dream of telling anyone the sort of ring they should have. Is this normal?

OP posts:
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thebestfurchinchilla · 15/01/2016 16:04

The same people who called Prince William a cheapskate for giving Kate his mother's ring. That ring meant more to him than anything new could.

Okiedokiefanokie · 15/01/2016 16:04

I didn't have an engagement ring, we went on a lovely weekend away with the money instead. Dh did get me a beautiful eternity ring the day after we had DD though. It's 1ct diamond but not flashy iykwim, its sits flatly across my finger unlike a big rock ( which id be afraid to wear)and i never take it off.its baguette cut and goes beautifully with my wedding ring and will one day make a lovely family heirloom.

Orrla · 15/01/2016 16:05

I wasn't pushed on a ring, but spotted one I loved. I'm not a fan of rings with claws holding the stones so I got a rub-over setting instead. Absolutely love it and its a bit different to the norm. Cost the same amount as my rent and got it on sale too. I regularly get complimented on it.

I know how much my partner loves me. He's shown it in far many more meaningful and thoughtful ways than flashing cash. I'd be concerned if I had to look at the size of a diamond to validate his feelings for me.

AnUtterIdiot · 15/01/2016 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnUtterIdiot · 15/01/2016 16:07

This reply has been deleted

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plantsitter · 15/01/2016 16:09

Wow, do people really think like that? Of course YANBU! You should have exactly the ring you like. Well, you know, that you can afford.

BoffinMum · 15/01/2016 16:10

I feel the same about jewellery.

Most big diamonds are not good value anyway unless you go to a monumentally good jewellers and know your cuts. A lot of people pay over the odds for rubbish in UK chain jewellers.

A small brilliant cut diamond of good quality (Grade C-G) in a simple 18ct setting shows taste, will stand the test of time, and is not too bling. You could even design one yourself. (You will need to have an 18ct wedding ring as well or they degrade when they rub together).

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 15/01/2016 16:10

Mine is a handmade eternity ring with tiny diamonds interspersed. My DP spent a long time choosing it and thought we would also be buying a separate engagement ring. I don't want a separate engagement ring, I'm happy with what he chose.

It probably helps that I'm not interested in jewellery whatsoever and generally don't wear any at all. I'm also always doing something practical with my hands so the thought of some stone sticking out is ridiculous. I'd wreck it in no time. So you go for what you want and did what other people think.

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 15/01/2016 16:10

*sod

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 15/01/2016 16:12

I wish I'd gone for sapphire too.
Do what you want op. It's got nothing to do with anyone else, least of all for shallow reasons.

green18 · 15/01/2016 16:16

Mine is a square cut 0.33 carat princess diamond solitaire. My dh just knew I liked square cut gems and chose the ring based on that. when we got engaged, a colleague said "Oh I suppose you've got small hands so a big ring would have looked strange!" Ouch! I love it still, 20 years later, never stake it off, doesn't get in the way.

TheLesserSpottedBee · 15/01/2016 16:16

Mine was a small classic diamond solitaire and I loved it. I still do but I have had it almost 20 years and my taste has changed.

It is yellow gold and had it cost a lot of money I would feel obliged to still wear it.

Now I sport a silver and cubic ziconia princess cut thing with a cubic ziconia eternity band. Cost me £38 for both. I LOVE them.

My mate got married to a footballer (minor league but wanted to look like a WAG) had a whole massive 1ct+ thing on her finger. I tried it on but I just felt ridiculous.

Get what you want. I am sure that if you already had the ring no one would dare comment on the size. It's a bit like baby names Grin

vvviola · 15/01/2016 16:20

People are funny about engagement rings. I have quite a traditional one (one diamond, narrow band, white gold, claw setting). It was very different to the 3 big diamonds that were in fashion around the time). It suits my hand and the style of jewellery that I wear.

I've had comments on the lines of

  • oh, well, I suppose you do like simple things
  • I suppose he doesn't earn as much as we thought then
  • I guess rings in Paris are more expensive if that's all he could afford

We were also criticised for buying our wedding rings at the same time (we wanted them to match my engagement ring)

Sod them. Get what you like. You are the one who will be wearing it.

EssentialHummus · 15/01/2016 16:21

Oh God yes. Congratulations and YAsoooNBU.

DP proposed with a ring that is by all accounts beautiful but just doesn't suit me/my lifestyle, and I think he overpaid massively, and certainly spent way more than I'm comfortable with.

I am now scared to go near running water, the loo, some pets, certain parts of my neighbourhood, airport security, finger food, and so on. I'd also have preferred to see that money go towards our next house. I'm uncomfortable saying anything because I worry I'll come across as an entitled twat.

I can talk to him about almost anything, but how exactly do I tell him that I don't like this expensive, un-returnable thing?

green18 · 15/01/2016 16:21

I think now I have more confidence in my own taste, 20 years on, I'd probably choose an antique ring and I wouldn't care what gem it had as long as I looked the look of it.

green18 · 15/01/2016 16:23

I don't think you'll /he'll get his money back on it. A friend tried and the jeweller would only buy back at trade price!!!!!!

tinyterrors · 15/01/2016 16:23

Get the ring you like, it's you that will be wearing it. I'd have hated a huge diamond, or any stones really, as I'd be terrified of losing it so would end up wearing it.

My engagement ring was £150 with tanzanite stones, I picked it and I love it. I was devastated when I lost one of the stones a couple of years ago and can't afford to replace it yet but as soon as I can I'll get it replaced and wear it every day again.

hiddenhome2 · 15/01/2016 16:23

If you choose a big, blingy one it'll get on your nerves and end up in a drawer. If you do wear it, you'll need to keep taking it off and risk losing it. It'll go out of fashion too.

Choose something simple if this is what you want. You'll be happier with it in the long run Smile

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 15/01/2016 16:35

Ignore all those people OP. They are the normcore police- the type that spends their entire lives trying to turn social conventions into rigid rules so everyone does the same thing and they won't ever have to think for themselves.

I still rather regret not having the hammered yellow gold, no stone engagement ring I originally wanted.

Since you are going to live with it a long time, you really must please yourself and no one else.

eternalopt · 15/01/2016 16:37

An inexpensive ring does send out a message. It sends a message that you aren't materialistic and your relationship and your commitment is more important than a price tag. Tell them to go and fuck themselves rethink their views

Fooshufflewickbannanapants · 15/01/2016 16:38

Congratulations and ignore them. I had a rose gold and silver engagement ring because my dh chose it after remembering I like rose gold. He wanted to buy a 'proper' one that I chose myself afterwards but it meant more to me that he'd remembered something I said yonks ago 😀 we also have wooden wedding rings.

notquitehuman · 15/01/2016 16:40

Yikes I can't believe people would be that rude about someone else's ring. I went for cubic zirconia in my ring as it's so hard to find ethical diamonds. It was inexpensive and looks great. I would have felt so guilty about spending a chunk of our small budget on something just for me.

Antique rings are lovely too. Just after I brought my ring, a vintage jewellers opened in town. I now look longingly through the window whenever I walk past. Maybe I'll get an eternity ring for valentines?

unimaginativename13 · 15/01/2016 16:41

Use Alba Rose they are amazing you can pick your ring then faff around with carats size etc so you can bring cost down.

And it's about the clarity of the diamond not the size ! My ring was bought by both of us, we pool our money so how the hell would DP of managed to buy one!

Stradbroke · 15/01/2016 16:43

I have a small ring. Well a small diamond. I really love it and at the time it was what DH could afford. We are getting an eternity ring soon which will be more bling now as we can afford it but I was looking at engagement rings and I would choose pretty much the same now.

nmg85 · 15/01/2016 16:44

I have small hands and a large 'rock' would look ridiculous. I have a not tiny but not massive diamond and I am very happy with it, I don't want something massive that gets in the way and I certainly don't want a ridiculously expensive ring that I am scared to wear. Go with what you want... screw everyone else, its what we did with our entire wedding.