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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to just want a simple and inexpensive engagement ring

133 replies

OnADarkDesertHighway · 15/01/2016 15:17

DP and I have just got engaged. I'm beyond thrilled and we are going to choose my engagement ring tomorrow.

I do not wear rings and like subtle rather than bling jewellery. I just want a simple ring with a small stone that does not cost a fucking fortune.

When I have said this I have had a couple of comments from work colleagues and others insinuating I should expect a great big rock costing thousands. One suggested if I get a simple inexpensive ring it sends out a statement and I should want some flash rock I can show off.

Why? I do not get it. My ring, my choice. I would not fucking dream of telling anyone the sort of ring they should have. Is this normal?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
SirBoobAlot · 15/01/2016 16:47

Congratulations!!

I've had two engagement rings (same bloke Grin) as it turned out I was allergic to my first ring (sterling silver). First one was £250, second one was £179. I love the second ring, the one I have now, but my first ring was honestly the most beautiful item of jewelry I've ever seen, and I was heartbroken at how extreme the allergic reaction became - my finger was blistering and I couldn't bend it.

I really don't see the point in spending a huge amount. Yes it's an important thing, but you will (probably) be wearing it every day, it will get knocked and banged.

More than that - fuck everyone else. Pick a ring you like, and feels special to you both.

SkiptonLass2 · 15/01/2016 16:56

Congratulations!

Anyone who sniffs at the size of your rock is an utter twat.

I really love jewellery and I like things that are a bit different.

Get what you want - it's your ring!

Some tips though:

As a pp said if you're going to have a wedding ring as well, consider how they will both look and wear together - different metals can wear.
Get something that suits your lifestyle if you want to wear it everyday. A very protruding setting might not be for everyone,
Not all rings are able to be resized so consider that if you think you'd buy an antique one.

Hope you get something that's perfect for you :)

LemonySmithit · 15/01/2016 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SugarDiabetes · 15/01/2016 17:09

This is my engagement ring. I bloody love it!

AIBU unreasonable to just want a simple and inexpensive engagement ring
neonrainbow · 15/01/2016 17:09

I dont have an engagement ring because I dont like the message it gives out. Imagine the comments I got!

theycallmemellojello · 15/01/2016 17:10

Err obviously it's not unreasonable to want a ring that you like. But, no, well done, you're obviously far superior to your shallow colleagues. Is that what you wanted to hear? They're just making conversation, I guarantee they don't give two shits about what ring you wear. Why on earth do you need validation on this?

2rebecca · 15/01/2016 17:13

I don't like rings so am married for the second time and no engagement ring either time.
I never asked anyone else's opinion on the matter. I didn't want a ring, I didn't get a ring.
I didn't think being engaged was a big deal in itself though, I just saw it as a precursor to getting married so didn't have engagement this that and the others either.

green18 · 15/01/2016 17:17

My DH bought me a ring a few years back in an antique market. It's a small round emerald solitaire, no surrounding cz or diamonds. It's 18t and so pretty and simple. It was £60. The lady on the stall said oh it probably won't fit, it's so small and been on the stall for months. I have tiny hands, ring size H. It fit perfectly so he bought it for me, no particular reason just the end to a lovely wander around Warwick's antique shops. I think of the day when I look at it, not the price.

thebestfurchinchilla · 15/01/2016 17:19

What is the point of an eternity ring? Are wedding rings not for an eternity? Why not go on a lovely break instead?

FluffyPersian · 15/01/2016 17:22

Have what you want - I've had similar comments as I proposed to my boyfriend at Christmas.. with a ring for HIM! It was more of a gesture but he's dead chuffed and is wearing it constantly Grin

I don't have one and people (on his side and mine) keep asking why and commenting - But I really, really don't care .... I like jewellery , but I'd much prefer to spend the money saving for our wedding (or on Persian cats Smile) than a ring!

I got told 'He HAS to buy you one... make sure it's a diamond ' Confused... meh, not bothered so yeah... do what makes you and him happy Smile

kittyvet · 15/01/2016 17:29

Mine is a sapphire and 6 tiny diamonds all slim and on the band as couldn't have a large catchy rock with my job...and I didn't want one. It's made all the more special by the thought DH put into it and the surprise when he dropped to 1 knee. Ignore anyone who measures worth in £, their life is poorer for it.

onecurrantbun1 · 15/01/2016 17:48

My engagement ring is beautiful and brings me joy every time I wear it. It was £450 from an independent jeweller about 8 years ago. I haven't worn it much recently as I am heavily pregnant so it is a bit tight and have 2 preschoolers soI'm always washing my hands! I can't wait to wear it again

No one else cares once the initial announcement is done anyway, we've been married 6.5 years and it'd be bizarre if anyone noticed it now!

Marynary · 15/01/2016 17:55

YANBU. My engagement ring is very simple and was not at all expensive (£90) particularly as it was second hand. I took the view that our money would be joint in future and I would prefer it to be spent on other things e.g. holidays, house etc.

Original poster
OnADarkDesertHighway · 15/01/2016 18:45

Thank you for the feedback.

Hell would have frozen over before I would have been swayed by my colleague's opinions and I will definitely be getting a ring I like.

I just wanted to vent a tad as I was fucked off with my colleague's attitude and I wondered if it is commonplace.

Katie exactly right. It was that attitude from my colleague that the size of the rock and price of the ring shows how much my fiance loves me that fucked me right off. Totally disregarding the type of ring I actually want!

Jello Jesus! Not at all I just wanted a rant and I was interested to know if my colleague's attitude was unusual.

Thank you for the congratulations.

OP posts:
SmillasSenseOfSnow · 15/01/2016 18:51

Congratulations. I'd ignore what other people say, just buy the ring you like whatever your budget. This is mine and it cost me £89.99 from H Samuel 3yrs ago.

Dolly80 I got my engagement ring 3.5 years ago and that one was one I looked at for quite a while. Grin As it happened I found something I didn't think I was looking for in a second hand jewellery/cash for gold shop. I tried it on on a whim because it was my size and it turned out that it looked lovely, so that became the one.

Janeymoo50 · 15/01/2016 18:55

Huge congratulations, there are some really lovely, simple rings out there which are not expensive. This is mine, local jeweller, half price in a sale so only cost £300. Enjoy the ring shopping, it's very special.

AIBU unreasonable to just want a simple and inexpensive engagement ring
Dolly80 · 15/01/2016 18:58

SmillasSenseofSnow you obviously have great taste Wink

I have never seen anyone with the same ring despite it being from a high street chain. I always thought I'd just wear a wedding band once we're married so spending a lot didn't make sense (is it wrong that I'm a tad gutted it's now half price!?)

Glad I read this thread though, am definitely going to check out vintage jewellers or bespoke rings.

Sedona123 · 15/01/2016 19:00

What Theycallmemellojello said.

That said, my DH bought me a 1 ct diamond solitaire platinum ring from a very expensive jewellers a few years ago. I love it as it's what he chose for me. Also, ignore what other posters have said about constantly needing to remove it. Mine only ever comes off for me taking a shower in the morning. It has never got caught on clothes, pets or anything else.

Bottom line, do whatever makes you happy.

Havingafieldday · 15/01/2016 19:04

Personally I'm of the blingier the better when it comes to engagement rings and mine is a 1ct diamond with diamonds all round it so its bloody massive and I absolutely adore it but it's so personal and you should absolutely have what you like and it's nobody else's bysiness

Bunbaker · 15/01/2016 19:07

"I just wanted to vent a tad as I was fucked off with my colleague's attitude and I wondered if it is commonplace."

I don't think so, but I'm not interested in rings and have often had to pretend to admire an engagement ring so I wouldn't appear rude.

When DH asked me to marry him we just agreed on a date for the wedding - no engagement, and no ring because I didn't want one.

museumum · 15/01/2016 19:08

I got a relatively subtle one. I am not bling or very feminine.
I got white gold because platinum felt too heavy to me but I really really wish I'd just got silver because I hate having to get it replated.

WaitrosePigeon · 15/01/2016 19:11

Whatever you do someone will have an opinion - so get what you want anyway!

banyana · 15/01/2016 19:29

I chose mine, it's silver set with an amethyst. Was about £25.

GlitteringJasper · 15/01/2016 19:32

There is no obligation to get an engagement ring.

We put our money into a jewelled wedding ring as I just knew I wouldn't wear two rings.

MitzyLeFrouf · 15/01/2016 19:34

YABVU

Of course you should be taking your colleagues opinions into consideration.

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