AIBU unreasonable to just want a simple and inexpensive engagement ring

[OnADarkDesertHighway]

DP and I have just got engaged. I'm beyond thrilled and we are going to choose my engagement ring tomorrow.

I do not wear rings and like subtle rather than bling jewellery. I just want a simple ring with a small stone that does not cost a fucking fortune.

When I have said this I have had a couple of comments from work colleagues and others insinuating I should expect a great big rock costing thousands. One suggested if I get a simple inexpensive ring it sends out a statement and I should want some flash rock I can show off.

Why? I do not get it. My ring, my choice. I would not fucking dream of telling anyone the sort of ring they should have. Is this normal?

Sounds like you just work with idiots

I find engagement rings are typically (if you're with the right kind of guy) influenced by the opinion of the woman (if not outright picked). Princess cut, solitaire, emerald, multiple stones, white gold, yellow gold etc, but in my case my DH also had a say (he wanted my band to have diamonds, I didn't care either way).

It's perfectly natural for people to judge or not like something, but they really should keep their opinion to themselves. You are the one looking at it all day every day. You are the one who needs to love it the most because you'll be wearing it for the next X many decades.

Don't blame you for being shirty about it though. If anyone is crass enough to say anything once you have it, "and this is your business because...?" should suffice.

Your work colleagues sound so rude, having different taste to them is a positive sign I would say.

I have an opal flower engagement ring, chosen by DH. I love it so much. We picked our wedding rings out of a collection in a money bag in an old coin shop in Edinburgh I think they both cost forty quid. They are nice too.

Choose the ring that you want and like - you're going to be wearing it for a long time!

However go in with an open mind ... I am not a girly girl at all, I do not wear any jewellery or even have my ears pierced. When DH and I got engaged he chose my ring and bought me a 1 ct diamond which i think is pretty large and I absolutely unexpectedly love it! Even now after 4 years of marriage I often look down at my hand and admire it.

pepsi thanks - I got married in November. We bought a ring I liked and when I lost the baby DH bought my a ring of her birthstone. By pure coincidence it fits with my wedding ring so that's on my left hand.

We didn't really have enough time between engagement and wedding to worry about anything custom made

A lot of my friends don't wear their engagement things any more because they have a claw setting and get caught on everything. I went for a rub over setting and have worn mine everyday for 19 years (unless I am gardening!)

We got my wee ring in HSamuel, small basic single small stone, after looking in loads if jewellers, it was exactly what i wanted, wouldnt get in the way AND we got clubcard points!!

My ring was less than £300. It is unusual for an engagement ring and I had to have my wedding ring made to fit around it. My dh chose it before he proposed which is what I wanted. I love that he thought about it himself. I wouldn't have wanted a massive rock or for it to have been expensive.

I didn't have a ring. I chose a puppy instead

My wedding ring, tho, is unique, crafted over a weekend at one of the jewellery shops on the Ponte Vecchio in Florence. Love it. Don't wear it always, tho I'm never without earrings.

I had a lovely silver and fake diamond engagement ring which was about a tenner as I don't wear much jewellery and knew I wouldn't want to wear 2 rings after marriage. My wedding band is lovely, white gold with tiny diamonds around so it doesn't need another ring with.it. You just have to go with your gut.

Engagement puppies should totally be a thing.

YABU. Why wouldn anybody want a cheap ring. There's no obligation to have a ring but if you do have one get a good one. I've been waiting years for my more expensive ring and it has never been forthcoming. Could buy it myself but why should I. Still it's up to the individual in the end.

I think mine was about £350 in the early 00s. It's small and simple and was paid for from a small inheritance. We were skint at the time but very, very happy and I love it because it reminds me of that time and how happy we were even though things were tough. Those things mean much more to me than having something expensive.

Aw, Chelle, that story about the birthstone has just made me well up. How lovely.

DH and I set a budget before we got engaged. I don't wear a lot of jewellery and feel really uncomfortable having something very valuable just sitting on my finger.

He chose a tanzanite one for me which I love. It's under budget but still a bit pricey, but it turns out I fiddle with it a lot so at least I would notice if it came off.

Can't bear this "one months salary" bollocks. What a waste of money.

YANBU. I knew someone at work that wore a white gold and sapphire ring as her wedding ring, didn't have an engagement ring. It was lovely. Get what you want.

When I got married I was having my wedding ring made and wanted dh's birthstones in it, garnets. The designers persuaded me that they would look tacky and I got sapphires instead. I wish I would have gotten the garnets!!

This is mine, also £89.99 h Samuel. No big blingy Rock to snag tights, get caught on stuff and build up grime. I love it.

Choose whatever you want, you have to wear it, no one else.

YANBU. Mine is a plain gold band 18 ct and a small half carat diamond which sits flat in the band. This is exactly what I wanted because I'm not a blingy person and I'm clumsy...so it won't catch as it's not raised...and the strong band means it won't bend when it catches there!

My mum didn't have one at all as she saw none she liked.

I've had 3 most expensive was £50 and rub over setting as I was HCP at the time and it was more sensible for work. I loved it and now wish I hadn't thrown it at my ex and so lost it.

One friends is brass and opal made from jewellery belonging to her grandparents.

Another friend has a classic solitaire, cubic zirconia despite her fiancés protestations due to the ethical considerations of diamonds.

Thinking I don't know anyone with a large or particularly expensive ring. Most people I know have simple solitaires.

Your choice, you have to wear it, none of their business.

I got married 20 years ago and a big rock was not a thing like it seems to be now.

My ring has a small diamond in a 'round' setting and it suits me. I was going to get a ring with my birthstone but i saw this one and loved the unusual setting, which is also really practical as it's smooth. I think if I were getting married now I'd feel the pressure to do everything just that bit bigger. 9I would not succumb). All the engagement rings I've seen recently have been much blingier and expensive.

(My wedding dress cost £50 too)

Also it happens both ways, almost like inverse snobbery.

I have a very expensive, big and shiny engagement ring worth several thousand pounds. It never leaves my finger, it's not annoying, it doesn't catch, it doesn't build up grime, it was properly sourced - it's none of the things people say about big rings. So like I said, whether you have a simple ring or a blingy ring someone will always have something incorrect to say about it.

Mine is a narrow gold band with 5 tiny diamonds inset, they are so small it just looks as if the front of the ring is sparkly. It cost £60 in an antique
second hand shop, I paid another £34 myself to have it altered to fit. I remember the day we got it and still glow with happiness when I think of it 31 years later.

Mine is silver with a blue topaz which cost about £150 and I love it. Dh chose it and got it exactly right. I only wear silver jewellery and so I would have been annoyed to get an expensive ring in a metal I don't like wearing.

We've both got silver wedding rings that we made ourselves at a little jewellery workshop in the Cotswolds. I think it cost us £200. The rings are simple but totally unique and I love the way they weather and change as we grow older.

But it's horses for courses. We love what we chose but totally get why other people prefer a bit more bling!