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AIBU?

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Original poster

So.. today the school sent my DS on a trip i didn't give permission for him to go on...

258 replies

Skullyton · 14/01/2016 17:02

My friend was picking my 9yo and 6yo up after school today, and when she got there, DS wasn't there, and they told her he had gone on the school trip.

The School trip i never filled the form out for, so hadn't given consent for him to go on.

It was only a trip to the local college for a panto, but DS has ASD and needs full time 1:1, and plays scare him, so he was quite adamant when the forms for it were sent home that he didn't want to go, so i never returned the permission slip.

One of the office staff this morning asked me in passing if he was going, and i said "No, i never filled out the permission slip"

So to say i'm a little annoyed is an understatement. Yes he was safe, he was with his 1:1, but i did not give consent for him to go, he should not have been off the school premises!

I called the school as soon as i knew and left a message, but that was at 4.15, and no-ones called back.

How do i approach this in the morning?

OP posts:
Marryoneorbecomeone · 14/01/2016 18:12

Ill bet they had to take the 1:1 teacher to keep the ratios straight.
How awful for you OP. I'd be livid.

zipzap · 14/01/2016 18:14

argh, got interrupted whilst writing post so thread's moved on between writing and posting... ignore the bits where it looks like I've ignored what has previously been said, it hadn't when I started writing ages ago.

Just seen that this was a paid for trip - and as it's a panto I'm guessing that this means they have a set number of seats paid for. Does the fact that your ds went mean that somebody who was supposed to go didn't? Or how exactly did the seats work - were there some spares in their block? And are they now going to charge you for it?!?

Having seen that the office lady confirmed to you that he wasn't on the list to go then there's no excuse for them to claim any sort of mix up - the definitely need to sort out exactly what happened and why the list was ignored. What if it was a different list - say the one which mentions which child is allergic to which foods and that got ignored? Or another child got picked up by somebody that their parent didn't want them to go home with? It's raising all sorts of red flags!

Kleinzeit · 14/01/2016 18:14

It depends. If the trip goes horribly wrong then you can one hundred per cent blame the school and go as ape-shit as you like and they have a not a leg to stand on! It also depends on what are the after-effects of the trip likely to be? Will he be completely unmanageable and in a horrible state for hours/days afterwards?

If the trip went well and he enjoyed it and the after-effects are not too bad I would gently remind them of the rules but I personally wouldn’t go ape-shit. I would count my lucky stars that nothing went wrong and count my grey hairs. And somewhere inside I’d be very pleased because he made it and had a good time.

But then again, I don't know all the details of your situation. If the school have form for making crap decisions then go ape-shit by all means!

bakeoffcake · 14/01/2016 18:14

I too think the teacher may not have wanted him to miss the trip but s/he should have definitely phoned you, to ask permission, if they wanted to include him.

I would be very angry about this but like you, would not go over board if you want to maintain a good relationship.

Insist on knowing what they are going to do to insure this never happens again.

Italiangreyhound · 14/01/2016 18:18

Sorry to hear this but glad he enjoyed. Re I would love to go Batshit Crazy, but i have to maintain a good working relationship with them as we're in the middle of an EHCP assessment for his 1:1!

I think you have every right to go crazy but I am not sure this will help you. Although it may feel good to go crazy it may be better to go in and ask...

How this happened?

How can the school ensure it will not happen again?

EG have a 'No, to trip' tick box on every slip, placed in a separate section of the slip so there can be no contusion what the Yes or No is about.

Or have it on record that certain pupil do not go on any trips unless there is a separate request made and signed etc... not the regular form... one that asks about special considerations.

Maybe now your son may go on trips and enjoy them, and if he was well supervised etc at all times it is a mistake but not a dangerous one. Sorry if I am only saying what everyone else says!

Pipistrella · 14/01/2016 18:19

Sorry to hear this OP. I would discuss with the school, find out the intention behind it and go from there. And make it VERY clear that it must not happen again.

I have a child with probable ASD too, not that it's very relevant but we were given a consent form for a reading group before school last year. I sent it back saying no; they then made him sign it instead and sent him anyway.

I was extremely Hmm about it but didn't want to kick off as we were new to the school.
He didn't want to go either; it wasn't a big deal but I'd refused as we couldn't get there on time in the mornings, and if we did the gate would have been closed anyway so it seemed a bit strange.

They just sent him when he did get there.
We made it clear the term after that he did not want to go. It was a pupil premium thing so I think they felt they had to try and coerce him into it.

caringfather123A · 14/01/2016 18:20

This reply has been deleted

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APlaceOnTheCouch · 14/01/2016 18:22

I must admit I thought the same as a PP. That the office staff misunderstood when you said you hadn't filled out the permission slip. They thought you meant you'd forgotten to fill it in and that you did want your DS to go. I guess because you didn't say 'he's not going because we don't want him to go'.

I can understand why you're annoyed but I think it was a simple misunderstanding. They thought you gave verbal permission this morning to the office staff. I'd speak to them tomorrow but if the staff member took your comment to mean you had forgotten to give permission rather than you had denied to give permission then I wouldn't be too harsh on them.

Viviennemary · 14/01/2016 18:22

If you were so adamant he wasn't to go why didn't you fill in the form as you were asked. All this taking no responsiblity annoys me I'm afraid. If it was so important then you should have made sure you filled in the form. It's a big fuss over nothing IMHO.

bigbuttons · 14/01/2016 18:24

we triple check our trip slips for permission/no returned slip. There is no way that a child would go on a trip without either a slip or if the child had forgotten the slip we would phone and speak to the parent or get them to write permission on a piece of paper.

What a slack school.

GasLIghtShining · 14/01/2016 18:26

Although not acceptable could the office have misinterpreted the 'I didn't return the form' as 'It's too late for him to go as I didn't send the form back'?

Pipistrella Why send consent forms home at all - save time and get the children to sign everything themselves!!!!

rosy71 · 14/01/2016 18:26

Are you sure you haven't filled in a generic slip at some point giving permission for him to go to the local college? We have a lot of links with our local secondary school & use their facilities frequently so there is a generic slip which covers everything.

Original poster
Skullyton · 14/01/2016 19:01

How could it have gone wrong? Well, DS could have had a meltdown, he could have bolted/run off, he could have injured himself or his 1:1 or any of the other pupils.

IT is not a misunderstanding, i did not give verbal permission, verbal permission is not something the school operate in, the permission slip has to be signed and dated!

THere is the issue of insurance. What if something had happened? Would the school have been insured against any injuries?

IT doesn't matter if i didnt send the form back, do people not understand that Consent HAS to be given to take a child out of school, and IT WASNT

OP posts:
ProfGrammaticus · 14/01/2016 19:01

They were in the wrong, paperwork wise.

But you say "what if he hadn't coped"? Well he'd have been with his one to one. So they would have dealt with him, presumably. I don't see that there was much of a risk. But paperwork wise they were definitely wrong.

Original poster
Skullyton · 14/01/2016 19:02

Very sure Rosy, the school doesn't have them.

Even if they did, this trip had the full 2 page permission form as it was a paid for trip.

OP posts:
bigbuttons · 14/01/2016 19:03

It's a safeguarding issue and actually a pretty serious mistake for them to have made.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/01/2016 19:07

I would definitely talk to the school.

I have helped on a number of school trips and have seen the teachers checking and double checking the permission slips to the children going on the trip. They will usually remind parents a few days before if slips have not been returned. They will then either try and see the parents at drop off or phone them on the morning of the trip for any slips not yet returned. I have seen them turn children away who thought they were going on the trip but were not able to as no permission slip had been returned despite various reminders given to the parents Sad

Blu · 14/01/2016 19:11

I would ask to see the class teacher and tell her what has happened, and say you have written t the Head asking them to explain how this happened and how they will ensure that it will not happen again, asking what the reporting procedures are within the school for a safeguarding issue like this, and how they will be reporting it within the school.

But I would go to the teacher with this and tell her you are giving the letter to the Head.

I is a serious failure, and while it may have resulted from a simple mistake, they need to know what that mistake was and how it will not happen again.

Stay calm and civil but firm.

IASM · 14/01/2016 19:13

It's a massively serious mistake. Legally a school cannot take a child out without permission, and as you point out, it would also invalidate the insurance (whether for the whole lot or just that child I don't know). I hope you get a satisfactory reply; yes, teachers may well live in fear of mistakes happening (I have taken many trips to more hazardous places) which is why the paperwork must be bombproof and fully checked. Very serious, and I am stunned at the number of pp minimising it.

bigbuttons · 14/01/2016 19:13

it is not possible to take a child on a trip without permission. It is serious misconduct.

RaspberryOverload · 14/01/2016 19:14

The seondary school my DCs are at does not have a generic permission slip. EVERY trip outside the school has to have individual permission.

In fact, the same was the case at their primary school.

I'd have been livid if this had happened to either of my DCs. It's not acceptable.

DamedifYouDo · 14/01/2016 19:14

The other point check on is where a risk assessment was done by the teacher in respect of your son? There should have been a clear strategy of how any potential meltdown would have been managed, risk to staff / other pupils / pupil / your son if he bolted?????

If you get nowhere with the school contact the safeguarding officer at the local authority.

Shineyshoes10 · 14/01/2016 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConesOfDunshire · 14/01/2016 19:17

Haven't read the whole thread but I imagine that they a) either didn't check for his permission slip or b) assumed it lost. Neither is acceptable, but in future I would send in a completed form or letter explicitly stating that your DS is not to go on the trip.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 14/01/2016 19:19

I think it would have been better if you'd said you didn't want him to go and explained why rather than just not returning the slip?
I guess people don't want anyone to feel left out?
I'm doubting anyone realised that you didn't want him to go?

But yes, schools should be more careful too. The person who works 1 to 1 with your DS could have talked with you about the upcoming trip and how you felt about it, that would have been good too

Glad it worked out OK for him though - understand that it easily might not have done