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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sil and designer clothes obsession

141 replies

Jayep · 13/01/2016 22:53

Probably am being U. Dh accused me of being bitchy about it earlier.

My sil had her first baby (girl) 8 months ago. I don't think I've ever seen the poor little thing in anything high street. Designer stuff (think Dior, Chloe, Burberry). This isn't personal, my sil has always been v lovely to me. I just can't see the point. Even her changing bag is Gucci or something similar. The excuse that is constantly trotted out on her behalf is that it took her 3 years to have her and why not. I just find it a bit odd. I don't think it's that she buys labels for the sake of it because most of it isn't obviously branded if that makes sense. Dh thinks I'm being unreasonable, but am I?

OP posts:
AutumnLeavesArePretty · 14/01/2016 07:49

Your poor SIL, not not having family members being nasty or bitchy behind your back over a choice of where to shop.

She earns and can spend it on what she likes. Some spend on alcohol, others like nice clothes. Does she make you justify what you spend your salary on? I doubt it.

SparklesandBangs · 14/01/2016 07:59

Her money, her choice, step away

littlemermaid80 · 14/01/2016 08:52

Why do you refer to the baby as "the poor thing?"

I disagree with spending that kind of money on an infant too, but meh. Their money, their choice. Don't bitch about it behind their backs.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 09:02

She earns £90K! And you don't think she's loaded! You must be leaking money like nobodies business. I'd be more concerned about that if I were you.

maggiethemagpie · 14/01/2016 09:06

When I was expecting I didn't buy designer, but I did go a bit mad buying coordinating outfits, dresses for a newborn etc which looking back I probably didn't need to but it made me happy at the time, and I could afford it so whats the problem. I would have been livid if anyone had made a judgement of me for this.

Personally I wouldn't buy designer but that's probably because I couldn't afford it, there are some nice baby clothes out there eg frugi, hatley which I would have loved to have bought had I had the money.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 14/01/2016 09:15

That dress is adorable and I would totally buy it if I was loaded.

Not sure which of my DS's would wear it but still Grin

sotiredofthis1 · 14/01/2016 09:21

I think YANBU OP (as long as you keep these thoughts to yourself and don't share them with your SIL as it is her business what she does....) - all that money spent on overpriced clothes could be put towards a holiday or something like that. Or given to charity if there is that much money to throw around. How can a tiny dress like that be worth £188 Confused. However maybe we all have a vision of what is an OK price to spend depending on how much money we have coming in and their £188 is my £30.....

TeaPleaseLouise · 14/01/2016 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 14/01/2016 09:36

The dress is nothing special. If the price tag said £14.99 no one would look twice at it.

BlueSmarties76 · 14/01/2016 09:38

Personally I think it's bonkers spending that amount of money on clothes which only last a short while and may end up covered in food and poo, however they can clearly afford it and assuming they are putting enough away for their family future I don't see any harm at all.

It's still going to be proportionally a smaller amount of money than someone living on benefits would have to spend buying ASDA or Mothercare clothing.

TannhauserGate · 14/01/2016 09:45

I think I'm more amazed by someone having a 7mo bridesmaid! Confused
Could they even walk? How did that work?

Paddingtonsmarmaladesandwiches · 14/01/2016 10:00

Wow. "Family joke" for dressing her child as she wishes. You all sound quite quite lovely! Usually this kind of over invested interest in someone's finances, masks a not so well hidden jealousy or insecurity on behalf of the "joker". Your poor SIL. The only one who comes across well here is your DH, who has it spot on. Your behaviour is nasty.

BoboChic · 14/01/2016 10:03

I used to enjoy dressing my DD up in Bonpoint and other French baby brands. A kind American friend relieved me of my (mild) guilt when I bumped into her one day while deliberating the purchase of a white lace summer dress. She said that I would probably never have another child (quite right) and that the dressing up as you like phase only lasts about two years (at most) and that it was a one in a life time chance and if it made me happy, to go for it.

Strangeoccurence · 14/01/2016 10:08

Yeah i have to agree that it is a step too far for this to be a family joke. Its fine to be a personal opinion, and kept personal.
There is also nothing at all funny about it.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 14/01/2016 10:14

I'm not at all into designer clothing. In my opinion it's better to buy from the high street and stick the savings in my dc's bank accounts BUT everyone is different and I wouldn't judge people who do. My DD has the odd expensive outfit but I'm not a high earner so its not an option anyway.

SanityClause · 14/01/2016 10:17

Today 05:39 Isetan

Why she can't dress her child in clothes made by other children in appalling conditions and for less than a living wage, I don't know, tut some people.

Quite.

Katenka · 14/01/2016 10:17

all that money spent on overpriced clothes could be put towards a holiday or something like that. Or given to charity if there is that much money to throw around.

sorry but this made me laugh.

Do you only shop in primark and eat the bare minimum to give your spare cash to charity?

Most people could cut back and give more to charity.

Why is a holiday more important than what she dresses her dd in.

It might be more important for you and it is for me. But may not be for the OPs sil.

Besides which with wages of £180k I am sure they can afford holidays, to give to charity and still buy designer clothes.

Leelu6 · 14/01/2016 10:22

I get what you're saying. My sister spends money unnecessarily on kids trifling things and it breaks my heart for the family. It's my business because I care. If she was a stranger in the street, I wouldn't have cause to care. I want the kids to have things they need. I wouldn't say anything to sis but I can't change how I feel.

Birdsgottafly · 14/01/2016 10:28

If I was on 90k a year, I wouldn't wear Supermarket clothes and neither would my children. I would pass them on to charity, when I've finished with them, though.

As said, proportionately, she doesn't spend anymore than most of us, do.

We could all be shopping at Primark/Peacocks and using carrier bags to carry everything in, rather than buy separate handbags, but it's nice to own nice stuff.

That dress was beautiful and the silk is ethically sourced, if you couldn't tell the difference between that and the Asda one linked, then you're in denial. It wasn't expensive for a silk Bridesmaid Dress.

I've always apportioned a % of my household budget and disposable income for my children. That added up to shopping at Next etc (good quality when mine were little). I was sneered at, for that, on the Council Estate I lived on. That and me not putting my children in footy kits.

I know other people give their children very little, compared to themselves, but the SIL doesn't feel that way about her DD.

What next, will the family laugh at her behind her back because she wants her DD to have the same quality food as her and takes her to decent restaurants, not just feed her 'childrens type food' in crappy places?

They earn over 3k a week, between them, it's totally their choice how they spend it.

IcecreamBus · 14/01/2016 10:36

We were a lot like your sil when our DD came along after 9 years...we just couldn't resist buying lovely things for her (actually DH was worse than me and still is!) We've calmed down a bit now since her fave thing is jumping in puddles Grin

The baby stage goes so fast, let them enjoy it. You might think it's wasting money, they might see it as making the most of this time.

LaurieMarlow · 14/01/2016 10:37

Her child her choice. Not harming anyone and none of your business.

In the nicest possible way if I were you I'd be having a think about why I'm so invested.

pictish · 14/01/2016 10:38

People can and will spend their money on what they want. I'm sure we can all pick holes in one another's spending habits.
Having said that, if we had the income these people do, my kids would not be walking around in Dior. I think that's a vacuous indulgence, but that's just me...my upbringing and personal culture. We're all different.

AppleSetsSail · 14/01/2016 10:39

That dress was beautiful and the silk is ethically sourced, if you couldn't tell the difference between that and the Asda one linked, then you're in denial. It wasn't expensive for a silk Bridesmaid Dress.

Seriously. I do love a Peter Pan collar.

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2016 10:48

*I get what you're saying. My sister spends money unnecessarily on kids trifling things and it breaks my heart for the family. It's my business because I care. If she was a stranger in the street, I wouldn't have cause to care. I want the kids to have things they need. I wouldn't say anything to sis but I can't change how I feel.
*
**
Are your nieces and nephews hungry or neglected in any way? If so you may have a point. Otherwise, how on earth can your heart break?

whyistherumgone · 14/01/2016 10:55

I think it's a bit U but at the same time I would probably comment on it to my DH if I were in the same position! It's one of those things that does seem odd to those of us who can't afford to throw money at clothing that is going to be too small in a matter of weeks or months - it's just a different mindset. I'm like you and would rather put the money away for her future or use it on something that will last more long-term but each to their own!
I think as long as she doesn't flaunt it and look down on anyone else who doesn't dress their kids in designer labels, it's fine.
I agree with you tho - I'd never dress little'uns in designer all the time purely because it doesn't feel practical (or affordable) to me. Who knows what I'd be like if I won the lottery tho :)