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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sil and designer clothes obsession

141 replies

Jayep · 13/01/2016 22:53

Probably am being U. Dh accused me of being bitchy about it earlier.

My sil had her first baby (girl) 8 months ago. I don't think I've ever seen the poor little thing in anything high street. Designer stuff (think Dior, Chloe, Burberry). This isn't personal, my sil has always been v lovely to me. I just can't see the point. Even her changing bag is Gucci or something similar. The excuse that is constantly trotted out on her behalf is that it took her 3 years to have her and why not. I just find it a bit odd. I don't think it's that she buys labels for the sake of it because most of it isn't obviously branded if that makes sense. Dh thinks I'm being unreasonable, but am I?

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 13/01/2016 23:27

I just wonder why she can't just put her in normal stuff

What is "normal stuff"? I'm being serious.

The dress for the wedding is beautiful and unless she forced you to pay for it , is also absolutely none of your business.

YABU and a bit unpleasant too.

I note the dress was made in Italy, which means it will have been made by an adult working under EU standards (as opposed to children in an Asian sweatshop) which is one of the reasons it is so expensive.

RJnomore1 · 13/01/2016 23:28

That dress is gorgeous and I'd buy it for a wedding for my baby.

The only problem I can see (well two) would be if she was running up debt or if as baby gets mobile shes stressed about the clothes being ruined.

There's probably resale value in them too I would imagine? But I do kinda get you - it's a bit ridiculous if everything has to be designer.

MammaTJ · 13/01/2016 23:32

Can't really see the benefit for the child but can't see the detriment to the OP either!

If this was someone I knew in RL, I would struggle to even raise an eyebrow!

People can spend their (or their DPs/DHs) hard earned money however they like, IMO!

Bupbupbup · 13/01/2016 23:32

Did you look the dress up to see how much she spent on it? And then put it on here so we could see too? Yabu

GiddyOnZackHunt · 13/01/2016 23:33

Yes she's completely bonkers. No baby needs a nearly £200 dress (a very lovely dress even so) but we all have some form of pfb nuttiness even if it's secretly feeling a bit sorry for everyone else because your baby is so obviously cuter than theirs Grin This is SIL giving it free rein. If they're still eating and paying the mortgage then let her crack on. And hope she's ebaying it in 3 months time.

Strangeoccurence · 13/01/2016 23:33

I dont think OP is trying to come across as jealous, or bitter or anything negative for that matter.
I think she is just having a hard time understanding the amount of money being wasted, and all for a child to be dressed in designer clothes.

My mother would never quit telling me what i could have bought for a price of a designer t shirt i chose to buy (just an example), because her thoughts of money are to make the most of it. She isnt wrong in her thoughts, but it doesnt mean i would be wrong for my choice. Especially with how quick babies grow

AyeAmarok · 13/01/2016 23:36

Unless you're having to fund her life or pay her mortgage because she's run out of money a week after payday, then it's entirely up to her how she spends her money.

I agree it's a waste, but if I had billions then I might spend as much on clothes.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 13/01/2016 23:36

My sister has probably only ever seen my DD in designer doesn't mean it's all she wears its just I make an effort when visiting people or have guests. I would however be very annoyed if my sister started making comments about how I spend my money because it is my money and my choice.

Just wondering if you think your niece will be expected to always stay clean hence your poor thing comment. Can't speak for your sil but it doesn't bother me because I find the designer clothes wash and wear far better.

MiddleClassProblem · 13/01/2016 23:36

You say it's a family joke but are you leading it? If other people bring it up then that's one thing but if it's just you and they laugh then I think you're on your own a bit there

teenmumandsowhat · 13/01/2016 23:38

How can you be certain she's buying them brand new?
Although I'm not exactly rolling in money, my two toddlers have many items of what I would consider to be designer clothing (Ralph Lauren etc) but I manage to pick mine up for £3-4 an item second hand. That way I can dress mine in whatever brands I like, without the ridiculous price.

Viviennemary · 13/01/2016 23:46

Can't see why not if she can afford it. Assuming she isn't using a pay day loan company. But I can see the logic in not spending lots of money on clothes that babies are going to be wearing for a month or two before they grow out of them.

kaitlinktm · 13/01/2016 23:48

You might privately think it is silly (I do) but it is not your business and you have no right to comment (maybe you haven't commented, I'm not sure). I wouldn't even get drawn into family laughing about it.

HPsauciness · 13/01/2016 23:50

The contrast between the answers on this thread and the prom dress one is hilarious.

Prom dress one. OP: I've bought a £250 (or more) dress for my dd, someone is copying it, is this reasonable?

Answer: Op you are utterly immoral to spend so much and should immediately relinquish it, rush to TK Max and spend no more than £40 if you want to go to MN heaven.

This one. OP: My SIL spends 100's on a dress for a tiny baby for a wedding, she'll grow out of it soon, why does she just not get one in TK Max?

Answer: How dare your judge your SIL, anyone can spend whatever they like on a dress for a tiny baby, shame on you for being so judgmental, OP.

The moral of this tale is the MN jury the only ones allowed to judge the reasonableness of price!

lorelei9 · 13/01/2016 23:51

I guess if she can afford it
But it's a harsh and expensive world, much better to save that money for the child. She might find it useful for all sorts of things later in life.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 13/01/2016 23:53

I've struggled for my first (ivf, miscarriages etc) so im very precious about him and possibly did things that others didn't , not to the extent of designer clothes but it was more like private healthcare etc not really pointless but not usual for some... I'd find it a bit odd if someone wrote a thread about it

musicposy · 13/01/2016 23:53

I kind of get it, actually.
I was obsessed with dressing my DDs when they were tiny. I couldn't afford designer but I spent way more than was sensible for our income on Monsoon, Mini Boden etc. I put them in matching dresses, embroidered patterns, lace, etc etc. I would have loved that little wedding dress.

I think I was just so overjoyed at having two daughters which had been my dream since I was little - and wanted to present how wonderful they were to the whole world - that I just went a bit overboard. I expect your SIL feels the same.

DD2 is 16 now and lives in shredded black jeans and black doc marten boots. That taught me Grin

MiddleClassProblem · 13/01/2016 23:55

If I were on the prom dress one is say spend what you like but if someone else's is wearing the same thing because they copied be pissed off l, find an even better dress and send DD in all tada!

Gobbolino6 · 13/01/2016 23:58

I don't see the point either, but it's not affecting you, so I'd say YABU.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/01/2016 23:58

Well no HP. People on here are commenting on the op's attitude to her SIL. Not comparable really.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 13/01/2016 23:58

Is your SIL wealthy, OP? I wouldn't spend that amount on myself a growing infant but I'm not overburdened with disposal income.

If I were last week's Lotto winners though, £188 for a dress might seem like a bargain.

Buttons23 · 14/01/2016 00:07

What is normal clothes? If your sil likes those clothes and can afford it, then good on her. Is the baby loved and well taken cared off?

That and it might not be as expensive as you think. My son has some lovely designer shirts and t-shirts, all second hand.

Original poster
Jayep · 14/01/2016 00:10

Thanks for the replies, guess iabu. Maybe I'll be the same with mine one day, who knows. They're not loaded but they're both directors in their fields (but they're both only 30 and 3- so don't know if that makes a difference) I know sil is on £90k because she told my dh and her husband is probably on the same I'd imagine

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 14/01/2016 00:14

It's not really any if your business is it and rather mean to laugh at her.

I used to put DD in her nicer clothes when visiting relatives. They weren't designer but neither were they basic vests / leggings etc which was what she wore at home.

TamaraLamara · 14/01/2016 00:19

I've never understood the assumption that if someone thinks someone else's lifestyle choices are a bit odd/unusual they must be jealous. Not just on here, but on almost every forum I've frequented.

There are lots of things that others spend their time/money on that I find rather pointless (e.g. watching motor racing, collecting celebrity memorabilia, putting babies in designer clothes, building cathedrals out of matchsticks), but jealousy plays no part in my views on those issues Confused

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/01/2016 00:25

My sister's the same, to give you a taste, she spent £17 on a pair of socks for my nephew. And she's far from filthy rich.

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