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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask how you'd respond to this?

150 replies

HappyGirlNow · 13/01/2016 15:19

Ok so if you and youe partner were going away with another couple and the other woman was main organiser. She had been trying to get reasonable flights etc but was proving tricky. She eventually found flights for a good price and checked with the you if ok to book and it was so she did.
She also checked it was ok to get certain tickets to an event that had already been agreed (including price), and booked these also. So the other woman had paid out almost £700 for you and your partner. She then texted you to say 'yay, all done, flights, event booked etc, looking forward to it etc etc'.

How would you respond?

OP posts:

Original poster

HappyGirlNow · 13/01/2016 18:26

At no point did I refer to myself in the third person, 'you' was literally 'you'! As in people who are reading this as in genuinely meaning you Nest time I'll say 'you people' to avoid confusion.

Thanks rake been on here for years but never used chat, normally stick to Style and Beauty where folk can stick to the point in hand and not waste their precious time making up things in their heads...

OP posts:

Original poster

HappyGirlNow · 13/01/2016 18:29

Thanks fireside thank fuck for people who can understand plain English

I bet a lot of people don't post on this board because of the keyboard warriors on here, seen a lot of this on threads. I can't be arsed arguing points that's are total bullshit and nothing to do with the question in hand.

OP posts:

firesidechat · 13/01/2016 18:29

Does it even matter who anyone thought the op might be? There is really only one right answer to the op's post. The answer surely wouldn't change whether you thought she was the rude friend or the organising one.

Original poster

HappyGirlNow · 13/01/2016 18:31

Thanks belle and hula I know I'll get it, no problem being assertive but I am polite and presumed she'd come straight back with that..

OP posts:

firesidechat · 13/01/2016 18:32

I know parts of mn can be a bit tricky, but I post all over the place and I'm genuinely perplexed at some of the responses on here. It's weird, even for mn.

Original poster

HappyGirlNow · 13/01/2016 18:38

Agree fireside I'm a logical person and balanced (I would say! But so would people who know me IRL) but I have no patience for folk just talking nonsense.

OP posts:

Obviouspretzel · 13/01/2016 18:43

To be honest, if I was the other person and I saw this thread, I'd think you were a bit of an arsehole, sorry.

If I forked out for one of my friends and they sent that text to me, I wouldn't think anything of it, I would know they were obviously going to pay and I'd just let them know when I wanted the money, whether immediately or later. If I sent the "sounds good" message, I wouldn't imagine that would precipitate a forum discussion on my behaviour.

Just realised this post sounds a bit harsh, I can see your point of view but I think you're thinking too much into it.

firesidechat · 13/01/2016 18:43

I was once on a completely harmless thread about cake that turned into a bunfight. I like a debate as much as the next person, but the constant need to argue black is white must be exhausting.

redjoker · 13/01/2016 18:44

Have never got the 'shouldn't post here, should post there thing' makes MN seem clicky and uninviting. Let the moderators worry about things like that it's their job.

Anyway don't worry op I understood the thread and original question. Hope you don't have to do too much chasing! Asking people for money is never fun

CaptainCrunch · 13/01/2016 18:45

Ignore the arseholes op. It was so weird reading your op, me and dh are going away soon with another couple. My friend did all the legwork organising flights and hotels, for a minute I thought you were her!

I immediately responded to her text with "fantastic!! Thanks so much for sorting all this, what exactly do I owe you and what are your bank details"

Yknow, like a normal person

Ginslinger · 13/01/2016 18:50

I completely understood who was who in the OP

Where do I get my award?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 13/01/2016 18:51

Happy

There is a topic called "What Would You Do"
Based on your actual question "how would you respond" in your first post that topic would have been better for you to post this thread in

So for that I'll say YWBU to post this in "AIBU"

HTH

firesidechat · 13/01/2016 18:56

I've sometimes posted in chat rather than one of the appropriate, but deserted subsections of mn.

firesidechat · 13/01/2016 18:56

I have never posted on aibu. Too scared.

sonjadog · 13/01/2016 19:01

Actually, her response is something I could see me or my friends making in the situation if we were busy with something else. We'd text a "Sounds good" because no response at all would feel rude and then we'd wait to hear more about how much and bank details.

If I were her, as you had already agreed that the money would be tranfered to your account, I would probably assume that you would send the details over without me asking again for them. If you hadn't, I would think that you were too busy to send them or didn't know exactly how much or something like that, and I wouldn't want to hassle you when you already have done lots of stuff for the trip so I would just wait until you sent them to me.

So I say, if you want your money, just send a text saying the amount and the bank details.

SuperFlyHigh · 13/01/2016 19:01

When I'm booking this sort of thing I send my bank details by text/email etc doesn't everyone do this?!

SuperFlyHigh · 13/01/2016 19:02

So that the person owing me money can transfer as and when but preferably ASAP.

MillionToOneChances · 13/01/2016 19:02

In a similar situation (your position) I've waited a couple of weeks and then texted something bright and breezy saying how much I was looking forward to it, and that my credit card bill had just come in so could they transfer X amount to the following details.

SuperFlyHigh · 13/01/2016 19:04

Million wow I never wait nor do my friends maybe a week most but we're all very good at paying back ASAP. Good manners.

Theoretician · 13/01/2016 19:05

To answer the OP question, I'm not sure I would immediately and pro-actively offer to pay. I would possibly vaguely assume that at some point, when you get your act together, you would communicate payment details to me, and I would pay you then. Though I would probably have tried to get the details from you when we met.

I think it is unreasonable to expect the other person to spontaneously offer to pay, and be so surprised when they don't that you start a public discussion. Even if most people would have offered to pay in other person's position.

The message that communicated the booking was done should have said exactly how much was owed, and given guidance as to when and how you wanted the money. By not communicating that you've implied that you don't for the time being care when and how you are paid back.

Simply sitting back and expecting other people to spontaneously act in accordance with your mental expectations makes you sound a bit difficult.

LittleRedLadybird · 13/01/2016 19:08

Happy I won't take any lectures from you on grammar than you. I won't out myself but writing for a living in mainstream media is what I do and also teach people how to write.

She also checked it was ok to get certain tickets
she is a third person pronoun. You referred to yourself as 'she'.

I wasn't bamboozled by your post but I am making the point that it was weird to write it that way and pretend you were the one owing money rather than being owed money - you reversed the scenario.

You might be too dim to see this, obviously.

Enjoy your holiday.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 13/01/2016 19:09

I find it best if I want paying (as I frequently do after doing some work/subbing someone) the easiest way to get paid is to tell them how to go about it.

I would expect to give that information when confirming how much it was and I wouldn't expect to have to ask for it.

But recently I have had to ask someone three times for details of how to give them my sodding money before they provided them. I like to do it straight away so I don't forget and can budget. I also like things to be easy.

Peyia · 13/01/2016 19:11

I've decided never to start an AIBU thread again. Posted one, not even a whisper. It was clearly not dramatic enough for a response or for me to be berated

PedantPending · 13/01/2016 19:15

I would e-mail with a read receipt and say:
"Everything booked as agreed, total cost xyz, please transfer to my account abc by . Many thanks."

Original poster

HappyGirlNow · 13/01/2016 19:16

Thanks all. I do really like my friend she is lovely! Just that this is very different to what my reaction would have been.

I'm probably projecting onto her in that if I didn't off to pay something I was due pretty much immediately then the person owed had to come back to me again to ask I'd feel embarrassed but maybe she wouldn't..

Anyhow it's no problem to get it just wish she'd asked! And I've seen her in between so wasn't just that she was preoccupied when she got text.

It's not really public though is it. She's not on MN and I would never say to anyone who knew her. If that was the case no one would post on here!

Message did say what had been paid. Thought she'd immediately come back and ask for bank details or whatever. When she didn't left it as assumed she'd do it that night, or whenever was convenient. Not a problem just what I would do so I assumed.

But I don't think it's 'difficult' to assume someone will offer to pay money they're due within a week. Not to even pay it, just to reference it and say they will pay it..

And sorry zing I've taken that on board

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