AIBU to ask how you'd respond to this?

[HappyGirlNow]

Ok so if you and youe partner were going away with another couple and the other woman was main organiser. She had been trying to get reasonable flights etc but was proving tricky. She eventually found flights for a good price and checked with the you if ok to book and it was so she did.
She also checked it was ok to get certain tickets to an event that had already been agreed (including price), and booked these also. So the other woman had paid out almost £700 for you and your partner. She then texted you to say 'yay, all done, flights, event booked etc, looking forward to it etc etc'.

How would you respond?

" Why do folk always put their own (often incorrect) interpretation on other folks' threads?"
I can't believe you just called us all a bunch of scheming birches!

stealth

You do sound quite angsty and aggressive. Not very passive

Thanks various but I'm neither

I would also ask how I could make payment but perhaps in future (to avoid any potential embarrassment if you end up chasing) a date by when payment was needed and how is a good idea. Clear communication from the off, but you shouldn't have to ask really.

She's probably just waiting for you to text her the total amount and bank details. Perhaps just sent the initial response text in a rush then slipped her mind.

We paid for a friend's holiday like this, we never got round to totting up the total, they never asked and months went by. They are good friends, we can both afford it and weren't too worried about whose bank account the cash was sat in. Eventually we sorted it out!

I feel you have made this a bit difficult for yourself by not mentioning the money during the process of organising the the booking. The longer you leave mentioning it the more embarassing the eventual conversation will be.

And obviously, from the tone of your posts on the thread, the more narked you will become.

Yes, most people in the scenario you describe would ask "how much do we owe you and how would you like the money". However most people in your position, would also have said "the total cost for you is £700, a cheque or bank transfer will be fine, here are my bank details". It doesn't really matter who said something first.

I cannot see what the issue is, maybe the friends are waiting for you to say how much it is and how you would like to be paid. I agree with ladybird you are coming over as quite passive aggressive.

Do you really want to go on holiday with someone you find it hard to have such a simple dialogue with?

FGS HappyGirl yes I am very real. Just because I hit a nerve perhaps there is no need to be so aggressive!

I did wonder how real you were though when you posted a long and rambling post alluding to being someone other than you are!

Just man up and ask to be paid, with a deadline.

Rake I find this board is often more chat than AIBU. It doesn't bother me btw op but understand why people are slightly confused as you know you are not being unreasonable and you know what you intend to do and trust she will pay. Just my two pence worth

ladybird can you actually read and understand the information provided? I didn't allude to be anybody, I laid out a scenario. And judging by the amount of people who presumed I was the person who paid it was fairly clear to most folk...

Also, it's not about me 'manning up', try and stick with program eh. No problem asking for it, I just will give her time. Merely asking what a common response would be to the initial message. What's so hard for you to understand about that?

No nerve hit either, just say when someone's wrong.. Simple really.

Whatever you're on I want some though

Thanks peyia yes just wanted to know if the natural response would be to proactively ask about how to pay it or just say 'sounds good' and leave it there. Didn't necessarily think most folk would agree with me, was just curious.

I would probably say, great how can I pay? But unless you texted me an exact amount, and bank details, I'd be equally likely to assume that was just a holding text to let me know it was all sorted out, and a grand settling up would follow.

Don't 'wait for her to ask', fgs. It's just setting yourself up to be annoyed if she doesn't respond in what you consider a timely fashion and will get the whole trip off to a bad start.

A grinny emoticon doesn't negate insults OP

You did pretend to be someone else. You referred to yourself throughout as 'the other woman' and 'she'' rather than 'me' or 'I'. Why would you want to do that? Why write about yourself in the third person?

It's not me who needs to keep up with anything. You're the one with the issue(s) who darent' ask a friend for money owed.

Thank god I'm not your holiday companion if you fly off the handle so fast. GRIN.

I wasn't trying to negate the insults ladybird quite happy for you to stir them as meant..

Who was me in OP then? 'you'? How does that make sense? It was a scenario with me cast as no one!

You really are an odd one. Bless.

rake sorry never ever been on chat.. See AIBU used for this all the time.

If I framed it 'AIBU (or not) to think that my friend should proactively offer to pay money she's due?' would that be better?

Because I was quite open to the fact that some people might not proactively offer and would wait to have the payment method etc spelled out to them. I just wouldn't and wasn't sure if I was out the norm or not.

Bless you too my dear OP if you can't see that your first post was a bit of a smokescreen for who you were in all of this.

You presented a 'scenario' with you portrayed as the 'other woman' and not the woman who was owed the money. You did this for a reason and I know why!

She [ that's you OP] also checked it was ok to get certain tickets to an event that had already been agreed (including price), and booked these also. So the other woman [ that's you, OP] had paid out almost £700 for you and your partner.

Why didn't you refer to yourself as 'me' and 'I'???

You are one very angry lady- put some of it to some positive use and ask your friend to pay her share. You can certainly get cross enough when you want to!

Who was me in OP then? 'you'? How does that make sense? It was a scenario with me cast as no one!

Eh? You referred to yourself as the third person in your OP

What a weird, pointless thread.

I would have said thanks and how best to get money to you.

However, being the organiser I would have also sent a breakdown of costs, a total cost and let them know when my Credit Card statement was due.

OP, it is weird that she didn't immediately ask you how much she owed, and she didn't even say anything the next two times she saw you!

Like some of the others, I thought you were the one who didn't pay...so I'm glad you explained.

You were being polite in waiting for her to ask for details. I would have done the same thing. She knows she's supposed to pay for their share. She should've asked you already for the amount and made it known to you how and when she is paying you back.

YANBU at all. You may want to think twice next time whether you want to vacation with this couple again.

The op wasn't pretending to be anyone in her original post. She was telling the story without saying who she was, although it was fairly obvious. The you was a general "you" wasn't it, like in a hypothetical question. I don't understand the confusion or the accusations.