To not be excited and happy about DH's surprise?

[EElisavetaOfBelsornia]

I think I might be being quite unreasonable and a bit ungrateful about this, so please give me your opinions. Our relatively new, very quiet au pair has a birthday this weekend. DH told me today he has booked a meal for two at a posh restaurant for lunch, and I am taking her. I am an introvert, I enjoy time with close friends and am fine with people who like to talk - our au pair is lovely but also an introvert, and quite self contained. I am rather daunted by the prospect of spending several hours making conversation with her one to one, without even the DCs to focus attention on. DH is now pissed off that I'm not more appreciative of the nice surprise he planned. AIBU? If so, any tips on how to relax and make it a nice experience for lovely au pair?

Gawd, I'd have cancelled it then and there. Surprise, my arse? I'd have told him to grow the fuck up if he sulked, too. Shit present. I'm with SGB here, anyone who does this is a fucking nobber.

Why don't you book him a surprise colonic and throw a wobbly when he's not happy about it?

No way I'd be bamboozled into going.

You don't like surprises but he insists on ramming them down your throat and on your being grateful to him for them. Do you realise how disrespectful and shit that is? My H doesn't like surprises. Therefore, I don't plan them for him. Because I respect him and want him to enjoy gifts.

Why can't your DH go if he thinks it's such a great idea?

'Why can't your DH go if he thinks it's such a great idea?'

Because he enjoys forcing two introverts to do something they don't like and forcing them to be grateful to him for that.

"You don't like surprises but he insists on ramming them down your throat and on your being grateful to him for them. Do you realise how disrespectful and shit that is? My H doesn't like surprises. Therefore, I don't plan them for him. Because I respect him and want him to enjoy gifts."

THIS

I know, Emma

Oh wow loads of comments! Thank you all. So to update, I had a very calm conversation with DH, said it was a lovely idea but probably not a great one. At first he was annoyed, but I was quite firm that there's nothing wrong with me, it's about what she would enjoy. I suggested we all do something as a family, however he said that although he hasn't told her as such, he has hinted at something special. So we agreed on telling her and suggesting she invite a friend. I have just done this, she seems delighted and is contacting one of the au pair group now.
So, I think we're OK - she gets a treat with a friend, DH has done something nice for her which doesn't involve me having an awkward time, and no sulks or strops. Plus, I was assertive and it went well.
Go me!!

Well done! And yay for it all being sorted and everyone happy!

Thank you!

Phew! Glad it's all sorted!

Hmm, he was still annoyed though wasn't he? I'd perhaps have another chat at a later date to get to the bottom of why he organised it and especially his little dig about you having to make conversation.

Good on you!

Well done OP!

Yes instead of!

Thank you all for your advice and support. This has definitely thrown some issues into relief - DHcan be a bit high handed (always with good intent) and I can do too much putting up for a quiet life. You were all very supportive and actually stating firmly what I want worked really well.

Plus I now know about Nigella's dark and sumptuous vegan chocolate cake which, minus the espresso, I will be attempting to make. Happy days.

Go you indeed! Remember this next to time. I'm so glad you sorted it.

Well done, OP, glad you resolved this and made your thoughts known to dh. Sounds like a great step forward in communication. Yay!

mWhat i don't understand here is why is the present from HIM?
(apart from the fact that it was a stupid present).

Shouldn't you discuss it together and then present her a gift from both of you?

I don't think it was from just him. I think he was looking for somewhere they all could eat but then saw this place, not kid friendly but thought "oh the girls would love that" and booked it.

That's right Middle. It does look amazing, au pair is very excited. He was trying to think of something special for her birthday. It is a present from all of us.

ok. i am still wondering though if op takes financial decisions.
OP do you also book tables on your own, do you decide on presents for friends/relatives? Do you treat yourself or waiting for dh to treat you? etc.

I might be completely wrong -and i hope i am- but it sonds to me as if he is the one who earns and who 'treats' the way he decides.

Oh no, nothing like that laquitar. I work, I actually earn more part time than DH does full time. And I spend and can choose gifts etc. I'm probably a bit more careful with money, but that's from having struggled in the past I think. Nothing sinister.

I'm a nanny and my current employers take me out for dinner every year for my birthday, and it's always to places I could never afford to go myself. I always really enjoy it, it's nice to

I'm a nanny and my current employers take me out for dinner every year for my birthday. It's always to places I could never afford myself and we always have a lovely time. It's nice to strengthen our relationship in a different way than normal. We always try and talk about other things but eventually it will come back to the children!