To feel so awful that my newborn is going to have to have formula

[Givinguph0pe]

Dd was born by c section six weeks early and I wanted to breast feed. However a stay in hospital and the fact I was so stressed about how much milk she was having meant that I swapped to expressing and bottle feeding fairly quickly.
However because I've been so stressed and hardly eating anything (now weigh a stone and a half less than I did pre pregnancy) means that although I'm expressing every three hours I'm not making enough milk for her and she's eating more.

The thought of putting her on formula breaks my heart. I know a lot of babies are ill with you first switch them over and I can't stand the thought of her being ill again. Also I wanted her to have the antibodies from my milk as her immune system must still be vulnerable. She's not quite three weeks old. I have some milk frozen to last maybe another week and then that's it. She will have to have some formula and it will be something else I've let her down on.

The formula smells disgusting too. I keep imagining her little face when she tastes it and realises it isn't breast milk. How do any of them drink it?

Aibu to be so upset about this?

OP its fine. Youve got nothing to feel bad for x

OP,you would be doing the best for your baby by stopping to think of formula feeding as 'disgusting'.Needs must and she has had the most important colostrum.

In the 'bad old days',after hideous breastfeeding experiences, many women had their bottles on the side cabinets in readiness. Their mantra during labour was 'where is my' thigh' injection to stop lactation'.

Some people just find breastfeeding impossible.

Not read whole thread - This was my situation and even worse for me as I am diabetic so my baby HAD to be fed within a few hours of birth and as my boobs weren't up to the job it was straight on to formula. Then when my boobs did kick into action a few days later the baby was already used to bottle feeding and wouldn't latch so we stayed on bottles.

In the nicest possible way I really think there are worse things to happen and anyone who goes home with a healthy baby is lucky.

There are some advantages to FF - eg, you can leave the baby with someone else if you want to get a good sleep (my partner did weekend night feeds with both of mine so I got a full rest two nights per week).

I didn't find it a problem to take feeds out and about at all - just take the little bottles and either warm before you go and put in an insulated bag or most cafes will give you hot water to stand it in to warm it.

With my second I anticipated the same problem so didn't even try to formula , and whilst I know it is not everyone's first choice it's really not a bad second choice.

Sorry, meant didn't even try to breast feed

Has anyone yet mentioned www.facebook.com/HM4HBUK/?fref=ts? (Sorry, skim-read thread.)

Keep offering your own breast though, OP. (hugs) And push for RL support.

YABU. Ff is fine. Talk about first world problems. As long as your child is safe, fed and warm, what does it matter.

You do this in every thread, mini - you come in and say "oh look it's the formula feeders with their agenda, it's all about THEIR feeding experiences" when we've only used our experiences to reassure the OP... and then you make it all about you! Every single time!

I also struggled with breastfeeding and continued - my personal feelings were that breastfeeding really mattered to me - and I have a right to those feelings

When I was struggling to breastfeed my first I had lots of people saying pretty much the same thing to me.

I managed to overcome my problems

And then you say it's all about us and our "agenda"?!

YABU. Ff is fine. Talk about first world problems. As long as your child is safe, fed and warm, what does it matter.

www.facebook.com/themilkmeg/posts/929046130482572?fref=nf&pnref=story - ""Fed" is not best. Fed is the minimum.
WHAT we eat matters, starting with infant feeding and continues throughout our lives. At what point ever in our adult lives do we say, "fed is best! Who cares what we eat?! We just need to be fed!" Never. We don't say it. Because we know it DOES matter.
HOW we feed our babies matters. How we feed our infants, toddlers, children and adults matters.
Breastfeeding matters.
❤ ‪#‎keeponboobin‬
-Meg Nagle, IBCLC"

Oh OP

I know how you are feeling. My DS had to have an ounce of formula on his 2nd day of life because I was struggling with breast feeding and I was so upset. I refused to give him the bottle myself as I couldn't bear to be the one giving him the milk. I watched that midwife feed him and I was in absolute tears and I felt like a complete failure.

Of course formula isn't poison but when you are consumed by thr feeding choice (because there's usually not much else to worry about this age) you feel that by giving formula you aren't doing the best for your baby.

A PP said that it's a bit like GCSE's in that so much energy and work is put in to them but then 5 years down the line the grades are irrelevant - however, just because the results might be irrelevant at some point it doesn't mean that parents are telling their children not to study and not to bother with their exams. My point being that even if your feeding choice is irrelevant in 10 years time, at this point in your life it is a massive and important factor of your parenting choices and so your feelings are completely understandable.

You have given your baby a wonderful start, please don't be too hard on yourself

Just wanted to say that 15 years from now you will probably see all this guilt in its true perspective. Looking at other people in my acquaintance struggling with big issues with their teenagers makes the whole bf/ff debate seem pretty ridiculous now. Own your disappointment but don't feel like a failure or let anyone guilt-trip you. Life's too short...

The OP is getting these responses about ff because she's clearly struggling and the only way to persevere with breast-feeding is to clearly struggle on which is something she may be too exhausted or not want to do.

And yes fed is important at those early stages when there is perfectly viable alternative.

And I actually expect more from women who have struggled through and succeeded with breast-feeding. Just because you made it through, don't punish others who choose not to struggle through.

Yes it most certainly does Abbycadabby. My DS only got six full weeks of breast and I was utterly devastated because I wanted him to have the very best I could possibly provide for him. I could not provide breast milk without suffering extreme pain which impacted my spirit. The implicit criticism from HCPs and NCT impacted my mental health along with my guilt. I lasted until 8 weeks. I fed through cracked nipples, infective mastitis and eventually a breast abscess because I was so concerned to give him the best start. As well as breast milk on that time he got some blood (yum), some pus (extra yum), some traces of paracetamol and antibiotic and possibly some local anaesthetic. He didn't have the best possible food although it was the best I could give and I made myself physically and mentally ill. The infinitesimal benefits of breast milk were not worth that. A few hundred years ago I would probably have died followed by my infant son. Septicaemia and starvation.

Once on formula he and I thrived. He grew into a strapping lad and a strong achiever. When weaned he had home cooked, high quality food unlike some of my contemporaries who fed their perfectly breast fed children onto packets and nuggets.

My children have had the best of everything my dh and I have been able to provide. A wonderful home, excellent food, the very best schools, culture, sport and most of all love in spades.

How very dare you

Guilt (regardless of what it is about) is a pointless emotion, it really is and wont be helping you feel any better as you seem to be very anxious. Why cant you eat?

Beau, if you can't, you can't. The vast majority of women can though, and most struggle at the start - it is my opinion that we should be encouraging them to keep trying, rather than just saying ff is perfectly fine.

Abbycadabby if you're who you say you are why don't you adopt your own advice from your own blog post - especially the first point on this link of yours http://themilkmeg.com/5-ways-to-be-a-lactavist-without-being-a-jerk/ and stop offering breastfeeding advice/returning to breastfeeding advice to a person who has not asked for breastfeeding advice?

Thanks, a happily breastfeeding mum.

But ff is 'perfectly fine'
Fact

Everybody has different pain thresholds and different reasons AbbyCadabby. It is not the role of other women to question that when they make a choice that is both legal and one they are happy with. This is a thread that was started by a vulnerable new mother who has had a very difficult start with a premature baby. Your comments and the link were both unkind, unfeeling and unhelpful. This is not the place for them.

I shall repeat. I know lots of women who breast fed perfectly for at least six months. They did not become the perfect mothers of perfect children. Childbirth and feeding is a very very small part of being a parent which is about a great deal more than perfect pushing and breast milk. Mostly it is about love. Love for another human and about teaching love and kindness to our children to help them contribute to a good and decent society. I hope you might be able to reflect on that.

Is "keep on boobin'" making anyone else cringe?

Focus, I am not the milk meg.

Me. Making me cringe as I breastfeed my son as I type this one handed.

I was till a couple days ago a member of a Facebook breastfeeding support group called Breastfeeding Yummy Mummies. I'd joined foolishly thinking it was just a lovely support group not a group where I would go on to bear the following statements -

1. When I see formula tubs in boots I stick my middle finger up at them

1. Group rules you're not allowed to say happy mummy happy baby it's rather happy baby happy mummy

1. She's formula feeding probably to make time for her hair and nail appointments

1. And drumroll this last one - I'll be a young grandmother by the time my son marries and I might slip my Dgc some boob if DIL does FF.

That last was the final straw. I had leave and then nearly vomit.

And yes hats the group where I heard the term boobing. Keep on boobin mAma. Thanks but no thanks I'll just breastfeed and support my fellow mums whatever way they feed.

I'm sorry you feel so stressed but formula is not poison and it is better than having a hungry baby who won't thrive. You've done your best and she's had some expressed milk for her first 6 week. Feeling heartbroken is not appropriate and its a bit offensive to the many mothers who have formula fed their babies.

Dear God
Is that for real

Some mothers have some real 'Boobin' issues there.

What repulsive behaviour

"Most women could breastfeed if they kept trying..."

This is a shit argument with shit logic. Whether you can do something is but a fraction of the decision-making process involved in most decisions to actually do something.

Except breast-feeding because clearly there's the pressure to be exceptional and guilt mothers into giving their kids the best start. What's wrong with a perfectly ordinary, run-of-the-mill, healthy start?

Oh, and it's just an arsehole thing to say. It really is.

Beau, I wasn't questioning anyone. MY read of the OP is that she would really rather BF. She can still pump a little out, therefore she is lactating. I also posted earlier to say that what you get out of a pump is not an indication of how much milk you have. Not everyone knows this.
Rather than say FF is fine, I posted suggesting she persevere. This is not a criticism of anyone who chose to FF. BFing is very rewarding and if we can do it, great. If we can't, so be it. I also think that if we get over the initial hurdles, it makes life easier in the long run (by long run, I mean the breastfeeding months). But I do think many are encouraged to give up too soon, when a bit more proper support would have better served them.

I hate the term boobing too. Or put him on the boob. Or baby loves boob.

Can is just what it is. Most can. It is pretty obvious that we have choices.