To feel so awful that my newborn is going to have to have formula

[Givinguph0pe]

Dd was born by c section six weeks early and I wanted to breast feed. However a stay in hospital and the fact I was so stressed about how much milk she was having meant that I swapped to expressing and bottle feeding fairly quickly.
However because I've been so stressed and hardly eating anything (now weigh a stone and a half less than I did pre pregnancy) means that although I'm expressing every three hours I'm not making enough milk for her and she's eating more.

The thought of putting her on formula breaks my heart. I know a lot of babies are ill with you first switch them over and I can't stand the thought of her being ill again. Also I wanted her to have the antibodies from my milk as her immune system must still be vulnerable. She's not quite three weeks old. I have some milk frozen to last maybe another week and then that's it. She will have to have some formula and it will be something else I've let her down on.

The formula smells disgusting too. I keep imagining her little face when she tastes it and realises it isn't breast milk. How do any of them drink it?

Aibu to be so upset about this?

[LeaLeander]

Don't feel bad, you tried and she got the early feeds which is the most important.

Many of us had formula only - I was never breastfed whatsoever and last time I checked my MENSA membership was intact and at age 52 I've never been hospitalized or had a serious illness or anything really beyond cold or flu. Knock wood not to jinx myself! My mother and I had a great and close relationship too. (and i bet the formula nowadays are healthier and more nutritious than they were in 1963.)

Your baby will be fine and while there are many advantages to breast feeding, don't forget there are many advantages/conveniences for both of you to bottle feeding as well. We all do what we need to do, to get by. No need for you to feel guilty about things beyond your control.

[Mumberjack]

as others have said, we're very lucky to have formula available for babies. It's nutritionally complete, safe and has been tested to bits before it even gets near an infant so it's definitely ok to formula feed.

I mix fed from day one so my husband could have the bonding that feeding brings. I was also shit at expressing and would worry it wasn't enough, but it just meant that the pump wasn't as good as my daughter at getting the milk out, so don't be disheartened.

[BusyCee]

As PP am have said your baby will be fine with FF, and a mum who clearly thinks carefully about her.

If you are interested in building your supply, contact La Leche League. They'll have lots of good advice for you.

Best wishes. And give yourself a break

[ingeniousidiot]

Have a cup of tea and a biscuit, get a notepad and pen, and write a list of pros and cons. Then look at the list again tomorrow and make your choice. Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you and your baby.

It would be tricky to get her back on the breast, put it is possible - you'll just have to try and lose the need to control amounts, and start eating some little snacks as often as you can. Are you drinking enough?

If you want to switch to formula, then do it. You don't have to have an excuse to feed your baby however you find best for you both.

Good luck

[londonrach]

Op. In the nicest possible way yabu. You are giving your baby everything she needs.....love. A ff baby is no different to a bf baby. Just enjoy this special time with your little one. Congratulations by the way. Xxx

[Whatdoidohelp]

It's not too late. How much milk are you pumping a day? I could only produce 50% of my babies needs so I pumped and topped up the rest with formula. It's possible but hard work.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

If anyone makes you feel bad about formula feeding, they should choke on their own tits.

Your baby will be fine - and as others have said, you've given her a lot of breastmilk nutrition already.

[sandylion]

You've done the very best you can. Take this from a lady who broke her heart making the switch; you will not have these guilty feelings forever and it WILL seem much less significant in time. Promise.

[MsMargaretCarter]

Any drop in supply might be but is unlikely to be due to either stress or under eating - it is just very hard to keep up with demand via expressing after the first couple of weeks. So you can be gentle with yourself - you are doing an amazing job under difficult circumstances.

There is a good chance you can breastfeed now but it would be great to have the support of an NCT or LLL person if you can. You will be able to talk through how to ensure your baby has 'enough' - this is obviously a source of anxiety to you. They can also discuss how to supplement with formula and perhaps still maintain some breastfeeding.

[aliasjoey]

What everyone else said about not beating yourself up - your baby has already had the important first few weeks, so we'll done for trying so hard.

It's not necessarily too late though, especially if you're still expressing. I didn't breastfeed until DD was 4 weeks old due to her being in NICU. See if you can meet a good lactation consultant and get a decent pump (I borrowed an amazing machine from the hospital - mains operated, it was about 40 years old and very powerful!)

We never managed to fully breastfeed, but she managed to take some until she was 5 months.

[Topseyt]

Relax. Formula is great and you are doing great.

My three were all formula fed from the word go. DD3 was also born 5 weeks early and was tube fed in SCBU for a short time.

All three thrived on formula. The only one who lost any birth weight was DD1. She lost about a third of her original bodyweight. She was also the only one I attempted to breastfeed and I gave up after 3 or 4 days. My only regret was agreeing to try it in the first place as it had felt against my better judgment.

Enjoy your baby, and don't feel guilty.

[romanrainsalot]

what goodnightdarth said.

Don't feel bad. Formula is fine. Its a heck of a lot better than you being a stressed out mum, worrying about every millilitre of breast milk and getting anxious and depressed about it or baby starving.

DC will not stand in a corner in a few years time saying "you didn'f BF me, therefore you don't love me". They won't remember. BF doesn't last forever, being a loving, caring, warm and fun mum does

[JaWellNoFine]

You have not let anyone down...please ignore the breast is best Gestapo. Their sole intention is to make you feel like a failure so they feel better about themselves.

The ONLY thing that matters is the health and happiness of mom and baby. Being stressed about breast feeding, or not breast feeding, will not help you or your baby and will stress you out.

It's honestly not worth it.

[BernardsarenotalwaysSaints]

She'll be fine. What really helped me when DC1 was in SCBU was when on day 5 or 6 & I still hadn't produced so much a .5ml despite pumping 1.5- 2 hourly was a nurse telling me to think of it like medicine, DC needed it to survive. If it was as awful as folks claimed it would be banned.

[Givinguph0pe]

My ds wouldn't latch and I managed to express for him for nearly five months so was hoping for the same this time.

[timemaychangeme]

Please please try hard to not feel guilty. It's every bit as important that you are as happy and healthy as your dd. She has had a fantastic start with all the BF you have done. She will be absolutely fine on formula too.

I think there's a lot of pressure put on women to BF and sometimes it just isn't do-able or takes too bit a toll on health/energy/mood etc. My dd was in a very similar sounding situation as you describe when her dd was born 4 months ago. She managed a few thoroughly exhausting and miserable few weeks expressing, before changing over to formula. She also felt wracked with guilt and I just kept telling her what I'm saying here - the her dd has had a wonderful start and that she will be absolutely fine on formula and that it just isn't fair for her, as a new Mum, to be totally exhausted and miserable trying to express constantly.

[GlitteringJasper]

What do you imagine will happen to your baby if she gets ff?

It's not poison.

In the kindest possible way, get a grip.

[LoTeQuiero]

I couldn't bf my daughter because she had a cleft palate and I really did not make anywhere near enough milk for her.

At the time I was DEVASTATED. You would have thought my world had ended. All I could feel was intense guilt and distress. I went to stupid lengths to try and express enough milk for her but eventually I couldn't do it any more. She went on to formula and she was fine on formula :)

Your hormones are playing havoc with you and as a new mother you have a strong urge to feed your child. It's entirely natural.

But honestly, in a few weeks/months you'll wonder what you were so worried about! Plus you get to decide what she eats for a good couple of years!

[peggyundercrackers]

Yabu - as long as baby is fed and healthy is all that really matters. There is absolutely nothing wrong with ff, both our kids were fed this way and they have been fine. Both did suffer from colic/reflux but we gave them infacol and they were absolutely fine after that.

[Starbores]

I formula fed and I can assure you I haven't let my children down. I've never understood the angst around switching to formula I'm just happy we live in a country that has formula and clean water to feed our babies safely.

You've given your dd a good start please don't spoil your precious time with her making yourself ill over feeding.

[ShinyShinyShiny]

I had to switch to mix feeding and then formula despite desperately wanting to EBF as DS spent the first 10 days of his life in intensive care and we didn't manage to establish breastfeeding well enough for him to gain weight.

I cried for weeks and felt awful about it. Now, 2 years on, I have no qualms about it at all and wish I could go back in time and tell myself to let it go and just enjoy my baby without feeling so horribly guilty.

It's a tough time and you are doing brilliantly.

[coconutpie]

Ugh I seriously eye roll when I hear people say "ignore the breast is best Gestapo". How insulting. Breastmilk is best, that is a fact. People who promote breastmilk do so because they want to offer support to breastfeeding mothers, not to make mothers feel guilty. They also need to promote breastfeeding because there is no multi million marketing budget to promote it, unlike the giant budgets formula companies have.

OP, you do not need to feed your baby formula if you do not wish to. Seek out some proper help in order to get your supply sorted. Contact La Leche League, Dr Jack Newman, arrange a consultation with a lactation consultant. Get some decent professional help, somebody who actually has a breastfeeding related qualification / experience, not some random health visitor.

Why do you think she's not getting enough milk anyway? Is she putting on weight / having enough nappies? Newborns feed non stop, it's not every 3 hours - that is the schedule of a formula fed baby. In the first 6 weeks, a newborn needs to feed whenever they want as they are building up your supply. That's why so many give up in the early days - they think they are not producing enough because baby is feeding all the time. This is normal. Get professional help so that you can switch back to breastfeeding rather than expressing.

[Cel982]

JaWell, comparing breastfeeders to the secret police of a genocidal regime isn't on. I've reported your post.

OP, please don't feel guilty - you're doing your very best for your baby, who will be absolutely fine. But it's certainly possible to get back to breastfeeding at this stage if that's what you want. Please do get some help - LLL would be a great place to start. Best of luck.

[GlitteringJasper]

Feel awful because your child isn't well look after.

Feel awful if you can't afford to feed or clothe your baby.

Feel awful if your child has nowhere warm to sleep at night.

You feel awful because your child is getting ff

Must be more to this.

[P1nkP0ppy]

Breast feeding isn't the bloody be all and end all!
It's more important that there's a calm, relaxed mum bonding with her baby, who's thriving, than getting stressed out and beating yourself up.
I was a midwife, I before dd for 9 months, stuck it for 4 weeks with dc2 then onto formula. Never had a single problem.
Mums have enough to do without being additionally feeling pressured to BF.

Rant over 😊