To feel so awful that my newborn is going to have to have formula

[Givinguph0pe]

Dd was born by c section six weeks early and I wanted to breast feed. However a stay in hospital and the fact I was so stressed about how much milk she was having meant that I swapped to expressing and bottle feeding fairly quickly.
However because I've been so stressed and hardly eating anything (now weigh a stone and a half less than I did pre pregnancy) means that although I'm expressing every three hours I'm not making enough milk for her and she's eating more.

The thought of putting her on formula breaks my heart. I know a lot of babies are ill with you first switch them over and I can't stand the thought of her being ill again. Also I wanted her to have the antibodies from my milk as her immune system must still be vulnerable. She's not quite three weeks old. I have some milk frozen to last maybe another week and then that's it. She will have to have some formula and it will be something else I've let her down on.

The formula smells disgusting too. I keep imagining her little face when she tastes it and realises it isn't breast milk. How do any of them drink it?

Aibu to be so upset about this?

"she just waits for the opportunity to put down formula feeders."

No I don't.

I'm just depressed at how little encouragement the OP has had to seek help to sort out her breastfeeding problems, regardless of whether she uses formula as well, and the enthusiasm for rubbishing breastfeeding as being pointless.

When I was struggling to breastfeed my first I had lots of people saying pretty much the same thing to me. I realised a lot further down the line (still breastfeeding - I managed to overcome my problems) that there was an agenda underlying a lot of this advice that was more about them and their feeding choices than about me and mine.

[Whispers] mini I completely agree with you...

What "agenda" do women who have ff their children have? Baffled!
I couldn't give a flying fuck if someone bf or ff their child. I certainly would never discourage a woman from bf HOWEVER if she is struggling, not producing enough milk etc etc then yes she should be encouraged to ff. You can try but if something isn't working why keep going? At the detriment of yourself and your baby? Because "breast is best" how about "keeping your baby healthy is best"?

Lucy dont you know we are jealous, bitter and want every woman to fail at breast feeding because we chose to formula feed

lucy most women find bf difficult, most women think they don't produce enough milk as it can take 3/4 days to come through. However lots of women don't seem to realise that it's normal (and fine!) For that to happen. Just because someone is struggling doesn't mean they should be told to ff. They need to make up their own minds but they should be able do so with all the facts and hopefully with support from breastfeeding advisors etc.

Very very few women are unable to bf, very few women produce enough milk, it's rare. But lots of mothers don't seem to realise this - there needs to be a much better understanding of bf in the UK.

Bah! That should say - very few women "dont* produce enough milk,

You can still give her the antibodies by continuing to BF or express and do mixed feeding though. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and even if it is/does, she's had the antibodies in the first most important weeks, that's the main thing.

Don't over think it. A well fed baby with a relaxed mum is always better off than an under-fed baby with a strung-out stressyhead for a mother, regardless of what it's being fed.

I have given formula this morning. She looked disgusted and then was a bit sick after which has never happened with breast milk. But I just couldn't keep up with her demands.
The rest of the day she can have breast milk and I will introduce gradually. Hopefully it won't make her ill. I had to keep reminding myself it's made for babies so surely most of them must be ok on it?

Giving have you considered trying to get her to latch back onto the breast?

I have tried but it's not happening

If I hadn't been so desperate to get home to older dc I'd have stayed longer in the TCU and we'd have managed to feed because she latched quite well when she was born.
The midwives in TCU told me I'd be home much quicker if I bottle fed and I'd already been in nearly all December and then another fortnight after dd was born. I was desperate to get home! Ds wasn't coping terribly well.

Giving you are doing the best you can in difficult circumstances- good luck with whichever route you take X

I know it's so much harder when you've got older dc to care for. I regretted not persevering with the bf. How old is she? You could perhaps ask for some help to get her latching back on?

If you're resigned to ff don't feel bad you've given her lots of goodness already and a year from now you'd never even know, she'll be fine.

I only say as while you've still got milk you've still got time, unfortunately I've got no good advice as I was unsuccessful at bf. Two healthy children all the same.

You are doing a fantastic job so really don't beat yourself up over this

Formula is fine, don't worry.

There's no reason why you can't mix feed if you want to.

Contact the la leche league for advice. There is a drug that can be prescribed that can boost supply.

There is more to life than pumping though, it's can be a big bind.

Slings could bizarrely help you actually. I know several mothers who stopped bf or couldn't (due to extreme medication) but found huge solace/ distraction in slings.

I would keep doing skin to skin and offering breast. Is baby latching?

There also a supplementation system where you supplement with formula via a tiny tube while they latch.

Contact Nct, lll and bf help lines. Keep asking for help.

What area are you in? I can point you towards very good support if you are north east.

If you have local LA Leche league they might have a lactation consultant who could visit you and observe, reassure etc.

Hi OP,

Similar situation with us and I totally beat myself up about it. Stop! Your baby got the colostrum so you've ticked the antibodies box.

When I was struggling a fantastic poster on here reminded me that breastfeeding is such a small period of your child's life. There's so much more to it than that.

Now my biggest regret is that I spoilt the first few months of my babies life by worrying so much about the feeding! Which is also silly

As other posters have said, enjoy your baby. As you know, it will be thrown cups of cows milk and purée soon enough.

You are NOT letting her down, she will be fine and you will probably feel better without the stress of expressing.

I breastfed DS till he was eight months. Fully expected to do the same with DD but she had feeding issues and even though we tried to breastfed for a couple of weeks it was actually making her ill, so I swapped to formula.

And guess what? My exclusively breastfed baby had eczema etc, DD thrived throughout her babyhood.

So while I cried the day I stopped breastfeeding, it was the right thing for her and me, and I forgave myself (not that there was anything to forgive) that day.

OP, I was also desperate to get out of hospital after an EMCS with early twins. I allowed the maternity ward to give them formula becuase of all the fuss about feeding and ml intake.

What I didn't realise at the time was that their hidden agenda was to free up my bed asap, and if that meant getting my babies on formula so they could tick the feeding box and write down a number, then that's what they did.

So I expressed so they could get the colostrum, and continued to express and mix fed my twins. But I became more anti-formula over the weeks, I just didn't like the smell and figured the human body wil absolutely make better designed food for babies than a company using partially digested cow's milk. So I got my pumping schedule sorted, and tracked my amounts pumped, and slowly increased my supply so that after about 2 months, I was feeding both twins breast milk exclusively. I actually got up to 1.8 litres a day at peak. I pumped 4 hourly round the clock, though when really tired I'd give the 4 am a miss.

As the twins weaned I went down to 4 pumps a day, then 3, now at 14 months I pump just twice, so just enough for morning and nightime milk. I am gradually trying to get one to accept cow's milk, but at the moment she isn't playing.

But more importantly, the pumping regime has been HARD. Although I'm glad we did it, when I look back I can see that my biggest mistake was not getting my twins back on the breast, as they were when they were born, and letting the hospital give them formula, and creating nipple confusion. I so wish I had used resources and taken advice to relatch them; it would have saved me loads of effort.

At the time, I just thought it wouldn't be possible to relatch them, especially one of them, but now I see that it would have been, it may have been a stressful few days, but definitely preferable to expressing for over a year, by a long, long way.

Best of luck whatever you do, and congrats on your new baby girl.

"When I was struggling a fantastic poster on here reminded me that breastfeeding is such a small period of your child's life. There's so much more to it than that."

You may have arrived at the conclusion that breastfeeding doesn't really matter. I also struggled with breastfeeding and continued - my personal feelings were that breastfeeding really mattered to me - and I have a right to those feelings, as does the OP.

People want to feed how they want to feed, and shouldn't have their beliefs about it trivialised.

So much of this thread is about trying to make the OP feel that breastfeeding doesn't matter, and shouldn't matter to her.

'Breastfeeding isn't the be all and end all' - well neither is bottle feeding but how often do you hear a midwife telling a mother whose baby is horribly constipated or unsettled on formula that it doesn't matter - she can just breastfeed instead? If even midwives are telling people that their deepest feelings about how they feed their baby are a bit pointless as its not really very important. :-(

So disrespectful.

givingup I think being told you can leave earlier by bottle feeding is appauling. If you want to bf you need to demand the support - is a Midwife / hv visiting daily? Can you get a bf supporter out to you? Or can you go out to a group? Mw/hv should have details. If baby could latch on in hosp then theres lots of hope. I really feel for you. A bf supporter came to see me and I don't know what would have happened without her support. There are plenty of people around who can help, just sometimes you need to go looking for them (which is hard with a small baby!)

Keep us posted x

Appauling from the staff I mean, not you! Being in hospital is a miserable experience

minifingerz I think you are missing the point. You managed it. Some of us couldn't either physically or because the baby wasn't thriving. In spite of really wanting to, knowing it was best we just couldn't. It might have been pain, quantity, mental fatigue or it just not working. Some of us were heartbroken and want to stop someone else ending up in that place we found ourselves and offer some encouragement and empathy.

From a different thread I think our dd's might be in similar places as teens. Forgive me if I'm wrong but if I'm not surely that puts things in perspective.