To feel so awful that my newborn is going to have to have formula

[Givinguph0pe]

Dd was born by c section six weeks early and I wanted to breast feed. However a stay in hospital and the fact I was so stressed about how much milk she was having meant that I swapped to expressing and bottle feeding fairly quickly.
However because I've been so stressed and hardly eating anything (now weigh a stone and a half less than I did pre pregnancy) means that although I'm expressing every three hours I'm not making enough milk for her and she's eating more.

The thought of putting her on formula breaks my heart. I know a lot of babies are ill with you first switch them over and I can't stand the thought of her being ill again. Also I wanted her to have the antibodies from my milk as her immune system must still be vulnerable. She's not quite three weeks old. I have some milk frozen to last maybe another week and then that's it. She will have to have some formula and it will be something else I've let her down on.

The formula smells disgusting too. I keep imagining her little face when she tastes it and realises it isn't breast milk. How do any of them drink it?

Aibu to be so upset about this?

God Focus without making a joke of it all they sound like utter tits. I had a look for that group and looks like a few of my FB friends are on there. They do post quite a lot of "here's why breastmilk is soooo much better than formula", which by and large I ignore because scientifically they're right, but sometimes they stray into "mums who breastfeed love their babies more" territory and I have to bite my tongue!

Bloody Hell about those comments on the BF support group.

I used to be FB friends with a woman who had a huge sense of self worth over formula feeders and she made uncomfortable and quite nasty comments at times towards mothers who FF instead of BF. She was really bizarre, it was like she belonged to a Breastfeeding Cult or something!

"Fine is formula."

It may be for you. It wouldn't have been for me and my children. And maybe for the OP. We are allowed to have a difference of opinion on this aren't we? Isn't it a subjective issue?

In the kindest possible way, yes YABU

People get overly worked up about formula vs breast. DW had no real luck with BF, but we expressed and then had to formula as well wasn't producing enough and needed to feed every three hrs as they small and jaundiced etc.
Thats stressful enough!

You were able to express some thats great dont feel like you have failed.guilty etc.

Its a first world problem - breast of course is going to best if making formula from water out of a grubby water well. Which people need to think about when you start talking about WHO guidelines this means they have looked at people from third to first world.

Again have to keep banging on about it but when they looked at bottle vs breast within a family the differences were little if at all.

researchnews.osu.edu/archive/sibbreast.htm

And again the obsession with it leads to stress on mums which is counter productive.

"Formula or breast it is but a short time"

So people keep repeating on this thread, seemingly to hammer in the point that it doesn't actually make any difference to babies.

When you get someone posting 'I really dislike breastfeeding and want to stop but my baby won't take a bottle' you end up with dozens of posts commiserating and encouraging the OP to keep trying to bottle feed, and making lots of helpful suggestions as to how she can wean her baby from the breast, instead of dozens of posts saying 'don't bother, keep on breastfeeding , it's too hard and it doesn't matter how your baby is fed anyway'

Why is it only important to reassure women that their feelings are reasonable and worthy of support if they want to stop breastfeeding? Why are women who really wanted to breastfeed but who are facing difficulties so roundly and enthusiastically badgered into feeling that it's pointless keeping going and getting help when things are hard?

AbbyCadabby I have problems with this "Breastfeeding matters" because it had better not matter in our house as my baby WILL NOT be getting ANY breast milk.

And God forbid the first person who berates me for it after my baby is born. They'd be told in no uncertain terms where to get off and that if they'd had a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction, then they certainly would be FF. If the baby wants a nipple to latch onto, I guess I could fish out one of my two latex pairs from the bottom of a drawer.

People aren't saying it doesn't matter mini. What they are saying is that if you have to formula feed, for whatever reason, then it isn't harmful to your baby.

"Not really subjective as formula won't cause death or illness if made with clean water and procedures are followed properly. The vast majority of babies are fed on it and thrive.It is therefore fine whether you like it or not."

Sorry - for me the fact that it's linked with higher rates of SIDS, and differences in brain structure that can be detected by MRI here along with a massive list of other issues not least the disgustingly unethical behaviour of the companies which make and sell it, make it 'not fine'.

I agree that you have a right to your opinion on what you feed your children. Maybe you could agree that I also have this right?

You're always on these threads mini de-railing them into a debate about ff vs bf. It isn't that simple for a lot of mums, including in this case the op. She has to give the baby formula - it would help her to have posts that reassure her that her baby will be okay on formula because in this case it will help her thrive.

"then it isn't harmful to your baby."

You do realise that there isn't a consensus of opinion on this in relation to the medical evidence don't you?

I am beginning to feel mums who aren't, aren't being able to, or simply aren't exclusively breastfeeding should stop posting about their feeding journey on Mumsnet because Minifingerz will- without fail - join these threads and bring every single issue back to breast is best.

Imagine if every poster had one such issue of choice - say mini with BF, someone else with baby wearing (fuck off you pram users), BLW (fuck right off you spoon feeding force feeders), organic food (be fanned those of you choosing to kill your child with pesticides), X or u or z - soon Mumsnet would cease to be a place for non judgmental support and become living hell.

I've been reading this thread over the course of today and have been breastfeeding my son throughout the day and frankly feeling quite unwell reading some of Minifingerz's posts.

Mini your point has been heard on every. Feckin. Single. Thread. That. Remotely. Hovers. Around. Infant. Feeding. Choices.

Nobody is in the dark about your stance. Nobody.

Please stop it.

Lots of different opinions and advice so thank you.

I'm going to contact the breastfeeding support people on the off chance that I can get dd to feed. I'm only making about 500mls of milk a day though so I don't feel hopeful. Plus I doubt dd will latch now.
I think what is so sad is we would have done it had we not had such a rough start. The TCU was such a difficult experience and I'd breast feed dd but then they'd make me top her up through the tube anyway and then she wouldn't wake for her next feed so I'd have to tube feed again and basically I was never going to go home!
One I switched to bottles I was home in 24 hours as they could see how much milk dd was having.

I'm feeling worried about the feeding thing, it is spoiling everything so I know I need to get it resolved.

Op how did you arrive at the 500 ml figure? Remember if that's how much you expressed (if so I salute you!!) then how much you express is a very uncertain indicator of at all of what you produce.

And if you're weighing baby before and after that's very dubious and really just causes stress.

So don't think you're only reprising that much. Remember your baby needs less breastmilk than the volume of formula stated on tubs.

Either way - why not have her appetite a bit sated wth a top up and lie with her skin on skin not trying to feed her, not stressing if she's matching, not having her crazy hungry to get frustrated - simply give her a little feed formula or ebm and low with her and give her your chest to explore.

All best

I know dire isn't it.

If I wanted to breastfeed I'd have been so put off by some of the 'pro breastfeeding' gang on here.

Although there are some lovely posters on the feeding boards not quite so militant at Banding around the stats. They have a little compassion and empathy.

But if the evidence isn't supportive of feeding never making a difference then you CAN'T reassure someone in all honesty.

You CAN say, 'I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It sounds like you're trying incredibly hard and are a fantastic mum. Be kind to yourself. Do you have support in RL? What would be helpful to you?

Why does 'support' invariably involve telling people that how a baby is fed doesn't matter and making reassurances that you can't in all honesty make? Unless your real intention is to reassure yourself about your own choices?

It makes me laugh that there are so many accusations of facism when it comes to breastfeeding advocacy when in real life the only stance in relation to feeding which is considered morally and socially acceptable on mumsnet is the one which says: how a baby is fed is unimportant.

I'm expressing 500mls over a 24 hour period.

My baby is having around 800mls so I'm having to top up with formula.

I will have a look on the breastfeeding section here too. I'm not hopeful but at least if I give it a shot maybe I can put it to rest.

Christ that's SUCH a lot of milk you've expressed op!!!! You've done so incredibly well. That's enormous.

It truly is amazing. Keep going if you wish to, and if you wish to only if you wish to - keep giving her the skin to skin chance to explore your breast!

And if you do t wanna do that, that's okay too :)

Massively well done. X

Why is it only important to reassure women that their feelings are reasonable and worthy of support if they want to stop breastfeeding? Why are women who really wanted to breastfeed but who are facing difficulties so roundly and enthusiastically badgered into feeling that it's pointless keeping going and getting help when things are hard?

To me it is important that I have bodily autonomy, and I'm sure it is to some others too. I naively thought BFing would be a piece of cake and it was such a shock for me that it wasn't. I had so much pressure in the hospital from over worked midwives to keep on boobin exclusively breast feed as it would affect his latch if I gave him a bottle of water. Midwife kept insisting that I had enough milk. I was in total agony, bleeding into his mouth and it was a truly horrible experience that until this day I have (psychological) issues with my breasts. I don't want to ever feel that loss of control over my body.

I am very pro BFing but I don't personally care how others feed their babies. We need more NHS help and support to BF successfully for those that want to. But no one should ever be made to feel bullied into it or that they are not trying hard enough. Parenting is a long, hard journey and no one needs to be pulled down before they have even left the hospital.

Op the most important thing to know is that expressing is the worst of all world's !

Either try yo breastfeed again or just get on the formula...and relax.

Expressing is shit and no indication of your supply. I had a hospital grade pump and didn't get any milk but bf for 14 months after stopping bothering with the expressing.

Well done for persevering with the expressing OP. I think you're doing the right thing accessing the breastfeeding support services. Your DD may surprise you! At least if it doesn't quite work out, you will know that you did everything in your power to try to make it happen (that was very important in helping me to accept I couldn't exclusively bf). And don't forget, if you are still giving her some expressed breastmilk, she is still getting the benefits of antibodies etc from that. I know it's not quite the same if you had your heart set on breastfeeding, but as long as baby is happy and fed, that is the main thing.

for you.

Ahh minis children are speshul snowflakes and too good for nasty evil formula.

Don't kid yourself. Formula would have been fine for your kids. It just wouldn't have been fine for you because of the chip on your shoulder.