To feel so awful that my newborn is going to have to have formula

[Givinguph0pe]

Dd was born by c section six weeks early and I wanted to breast feed. However a stay in hospital and the fact I was so stressed about how much milk she was having meant that I swapped to expressing and bottle feeding fairly quickly.
However because I've been so stressed and hardly eating anything (now weigh a stone and a half less than I did pre pregnancy) means that although I'm expressing every three hours I'm not making enough milk for her and she's eating more.

The thought of putting her on formula breaks my heart. I know a lot of babies are ill with you first switch them over and I can't stand the thought of her being ill again. Also I wanted her to have the antibodies from my milk as her immune system must still be vulnerable. She's not quite three weeks old. I have some milk frozen to last maybe another week and then that's it. She will have to have some formula and it will be something else I've let her down on.

The formula smells disgusting too. I keep imagining her little face when she tastes it and realises it isn't breast milk. How do any of them drink it?

Aibu to be so upset about this?

I have breastfed my son since he was born 7 months ago and today have just been let out of hospital after a 4 day stay as he was losing too much weight. He is now on a high calorie formula to help him gain weight.
I have decided to stop feeding him myself, i always said if doctors advised for formula to be used would be the only way i would use it and now it has. Yes i feel kind of sad im stopping bf but i have fed him for 7 whole months and im proud of this fact and nobody can take that away. I think though the last wee while i havent been making enough milk so at least now ill know for my own peace of mind what he amount he is taking

He has been put on infatrini for the forseeable. He takes it heated no problem but wouldnt take aptimil nor cow and gate and those were also heated up but he seems to like the infatrini which is very reassuring

Okay #1 it is extremely rare that a woman doesn't produce enough milk. Infants like to clusterfeed, clusterfeeding is when they nurse more frequently and its extremely common in the first few months of life, it does not mean they aren't getting enough milk. #2 pumping is not an accurate measure of how much milk you are producing, meaning a pump does not express milk the same way a baby does. So you could be pumping and only get 2 oz and there is a remaining 2oz in the breast. When a baby latches on to the breast different hormones are released in the brain a pump will not create the same effect. Plus your boobs never run out of milk. While baby is eating they may feel empty but they are not because they are producing more milk while baby is nursing. Breastfeeding is hard the first couple months. I suggest before you give up you look into it more or else you would already know these things and wouldn't give up so easily. I was just like you 11 weeks ago when I was in the hospital after I had my son then I started doing my research. He is gaining weight perfectly. He is 11 weeks old in size 2 diapers and is EBF. That's awesome considering he was only 5lbs 15 oz when he was born. Formula has horrible effects on babies not only while they are eating it but it can cause all sorts of issues later in life health wise. Its worth it to push through the rough patches to ensure your baby is healthy and remains so. So you should do research, go look at all the horrible things formula does to a baby and I gaurentee that alone will change your mind.

shaylalahn please shut up with your sanctimonious scaremongering lactivism.

The op is not "giving up so easily" - there's nothing easy about her experiences, and your pathetic, frankly rubbish, baseless remarks about formula doing horrible things is nothing short of kicking someone when they are down.

I am a breastfeeding mother, a researching academic by profession who has researched Lactation with professional rigour and my son is 13 weeks old so in the thick of it all with him as I write - and the more I see people like you the more utterly disgusted I get.

OP! Give your baby formula to help her build up her weight and strength. Look after yourself and her. If you can/want to continue giving the breast for comfort/some of the benefits of breastmilk, do so. There's no 'one way'. We all start from where we are and muddle along the best we can.

I agree with penny and manamanah. I found it really hard i used to sit there crying. My midwife was old school but she told me you're not a failure its not as easy as it appears. She said if its making you that sad use formula and express. she did tell me the milk might run out quickrr but at least the baby was getting the vital vitamins ij the first few months. The baby's weight was also an issue so i dont think i had much choice.

Breastfeeding isnt for evryone i used to feel bad about it but ive got 4 kids all BF and expressed milk theyre perfectly healthy.

To be honest even if i could do it easily i wouldbt have the time breastfeeding is on demand and im a carer too its not just me and my kids other ppl rely on me too.my friend has 2 kids. Everytimr she BF her mil did everythinh else in the house house. I dont have that luxury.

Also i dont know if its been tpuched upon but theres an assumption that a women should innately or automatically feel BF is a wonderful rosy natural and a great bonding experience. I felt like a cow being pumped for milk on demand. Sore breasts feeling like crap anyway only to feel worse. I hated the feeling of the baby suckling on me too, maybe i have psychological issues but i really didnt like it. I dont like expressing either but i tolerate it better and i want the milk so badly i close my eyes and just do it.

i think its a personal choice and we shouldnt be made to feel like inadequate parents becuse we cant do it. Our babies arent starved and that is a reality in other parts of the world.

What an informative post shaylahan. Sadly it lacks any empathy or understanding of what another woman is going through. It is also not factually correct. I agree with focusfocus and speak from the perspective of a mother whose children are grown up but for whom breastfeeding problems and the associated guilt still resonate.

Wow shaylalahn you sure know how to make us ff mums feel good. For your information I am unable to bf and have been told medically that I will need to use formula. I hope you are never in the same situation as then you may understand how hurtful your words can be. The op is not just giving up. Have some empathy.

Forget the effects of formula, having a mother who is so unthoughtful can 'cause all sorts of issues later in life'.

This is from a ff mum who is battling her feelings on not being able to breastfeed.

People like you make my blood boil!

OP, I really feel for you.

I had to exclusively express with DS for a few months. It was bloody hard and really was the worst of both worlds - all the faff of ff with the round-the-clock relentlessness of bf. I also suffered with blocked ducts and got mastitis four times, which made a tough situation even worse.

I got through it with dogged determination but, after that experience, I know I won't do it again with a second DC. It ruined those early months with my son as I was ill and exhausted.

Besides, second time round, I'm not sure I could cope with a three-hourly pumping schedule tying me to a hospital grade pump, as well as a newborn and a toddler.

Call me selfish, but bf is but one part of raising a child. Yes, breast is best, but the alternatives aren't dire. Curiously, my DS only learned to bf from the "source" when he was three months old, after having formula top ups on top of my expressed milk. It got a whole lot easier then, and we were able to bf to a year.

Suddenly we'd gone from a sickly and underweight baby who'd been readmitted to hospital twice, to a thriving and healthy little boy. I may be wrong, but I firmly believe it was the formula top ups that gave him the strength to learn to breastfeed. And once we could do it, it was so easy - no longer tied to the industrial pump, we could leave the house for full days, visit people, go for walks, do baby groups, explore.

My advice would be to take each day as it comes. Topping up with formula is fine, moving over to formula completely is fine, using formula for a bit while you also try to reestablish bfing is fine. It honestly isn't the be-all and end-all (eyes toddler, who I struggled so much to bf, climbing up the cupboards to scoff handfuls of jelly babies)

Haha Runningupthehill. Climbing up the cupboards for the jelly babies brought back memories! At 21 those jelly babies have turned into snaffling a bottle of wine that I was looking forward to That deprived baby has done alright OP - first XV and first X1 - heading hopefully for first class hons. Shaylahan no doubt had he been breast fed exclusively he might not have dropped that one measly IB point. We'll never know but let's see how yours do shall we, then you can tell the rest of us that we have disadvantaged ours.

OP go was on yourself. Be kind. You have done an absolutely brilliant job and all of you will be brighter as we shift into the spring. There is so much pressure on new mummies to do this, that or the other and so much conflicting advice. Do what you need to do to maximise your resilience and well being. Honestly, midwives caused me more upset than anyone else at thus time. Ring your GP and ask to see the most sympathetic lady doctor for mums and babies they have.

Easy on yourself I meant to say.

I've just remembered MIL visiting when DS was 10 days old and my mum was "helping". They had this lovely conversation:

MIL: "when Anthony was born, I used to feed him and had to put him back in the cot so I could cook Harold's breakfast and put the nappies to soak - your husband expected a proper breakfast then"

Mother: "oh yes, they have it easy now, we had to soak the nappies and I didn't have a car"

MIL "well all mine were born in the back bedroom and Fiona arrived two weeks before my mother - we didn't have a telephone then and I was so busy looking after the older two I hadn't time to write".

I went to pour water on my fanny to pee and cried. I can tell you that neither of them were perfect mothers and if teal life mothers can be so insensitive and to have forgotten so much, you really mustn't let keyboard warriors upset you OP. X

The midwife is coming back today and I have a number for a breastfeeding consultant.
I've been trying to express more frequently as I feel like the formula is making dd have tummy ache. I feel awful that my settled baby now seems to have colic. I don't think I can do this. I told dh last night on the phone that I think we should have dd adopted. I can't even feed my own baby. With anything. She won't take the formula and it makes her ill and I can't express enough for her long term or get her to latch. I want someone who knows what they're doing to come and take her so she's ok.

OP - please tell the midwife how you feel. Be honest with her. Show her what you've written on this thread.

All babies go through periods of being very unsettled - it's normal baby behaviour. Any mother will tell you this. Your baby loves you. Nobody can replace you.

Can your DH come home? It sounds like you're having a horrible, horrible time - enough that it's a family emergency. You and your baby belong together, and there's a way to feed her. Tell the midwife what you've told us. Tell her how much trouble you're in so she can get you the help you need. You'll get there. Thinking of you - I hope you get some proper help soon.

OP, if you are having thoughts like that then you need to call your GP and explain how you feel. That sounds like PND to me. You are looking after your DD brilliantly. A huge number of mums wouldn't have done half as many hard yards as you have over this and wouldn't have given it a second thought.

Who is looking after you in real life? Where's your mum or MIL?

Your DD has a mother who obviously loves her to pieces and is doing her best. No one can ask more than that. Speak to the lactation consultant today. Even chatting things through with people can help get your head straight. She will have some practical advice for you and might be able to help you get her latched on again for feeding. Take care of yourself

Oh Giving I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I echo what Damn said, can't you get your DH home? Or someone else to help? It sounds as though you're desperately sleep deprived and need some support.

I don't want to say the wrong thing or put pressie in you, but it seems as though you still want to breastfeed. Could you try changing the bottles you're using to a more natural shape (Minbie are good, and I've heard people suggest Nuby as well) - then if your DD will take these, it might be an easier transition back to breast because the latch is closer to breastfeeding?

I've never had to do what you're doing, so I can only offer sympathy, but please keep asking for help from everyone who can give it, don't try doing this on your own - no matter which way you end of feeding your daughter!

Giving you are doing fantastic and your baby will adore you no matter which method she is fed.

6 months from now she'll be eating solids anyway and one year from now she'll only be having a small amount of milk, it's such a short time in her life, she will not hold it against you if you can't breastfeed.

In terms of the formula making her poorly, ds had problems with formula, I had to switch brands which made a difference, he might have had a bit of an intolerance and I felt absolutely awful, but he's 7 months now and doing really great.

If you really want to carry on bf all is not lost, have you tried nipple shields to get her to latch on as they feel more like a bottle teat.

And yes, talk to somebody you can trust. Mum, mil, your GP the midwife, let them know how much you are struggling.

I don't know if you want to say whereabouts you are but I'm sure there are lots of MNers (myself included) who would be happy to come and give you some RL help/support if you are near them.

I second bumbly. I'm very mobile at present but I can drive, make tea, hug and nurture smiles. Am in South East.

Yes me too - with my 13 week old in tow!

givingupHope, it will get easier. We have all felt like you have. Really it'll get better. The first 6 wks are absolutely s**t. The first 6 days are hell on earth that's my experience. The baby doesn't whether its day or night and neither do you. You poor thing. It will get better I promise. The lack of sleep can cause massive mood swings not to mention the hormones.
Some babies just throw up half their feed every time no matter what type of milk it is. My girl I had to put a towel over my knees until she was a few weeks as she just barfed it up. The doc had to tell me it was fine that she was keeping it down. They can weigh your baby each week at the public health nurse clinic to show you she is doing fine. They can have colic no matter what type of milk it is either.

I had a pharmacist friend tell me (and she has breastfed her own) that formula is as close as doesn't matter to breastmilk. I was having issues exactly like you and under fierce pressure to breastfeed from friends, my DH, the public health nurse etc etc. And I was sleepless, my two nipples were a scabbed over mess and I was crying and pumping and crying and pumping and getting a teaspoon out.
That friend came over and told me firmly to stop right there and give the baby formula and get on with my life.
Best of luck with it. Keeping going one hour at a time and sleep any time the baby sleeps.

I've not rtft since my last comment but if you supply continues to stay low after you've looked at all other options it may be worth getting your prolactin checked.

Back in the summer when DC4 was born I'd had a fantastic midwife who I used to see for bp etc before seeing my consultant she really gave me the confidence to give bf another go after my failed attempts with DC 1 & 2 during their scbu stays.

Long story short all started really well but after about 3 weeks his weight started to drop HV & lactation consultant suggested all the usual which I tried to no avail. They then suggested domperidone & getting my prolactin levels checked. I finally managed to persuade gp to do this at my 6 week check. She prescribed the domperidone & sent off my bloods. They returned with levels of a non pregnant non lactating female.

I stayed on domperidone for 3 months (they wouldn't prescribe anymore & even with round the clock nursing & pumping I couldn't maintain a supply) but I managed to pump a big enough stash during that time that at 7 months he's still getting 1 bottle of BM per day (not a full bottle but enough) I think I have enough left now to get us to just shy of 9 months.

Crikey sorry for the essay! Also please don't read that as you should carry on bf above all else.