To feel so awful that my newborn is going to have to have formula

[Givinguph0pe]

Dd was born by c section six weeks early and I wanted to breast feed. However a stay in hospital and the fact I was so stressed about how much milk she was having meant that I swapped to expressing and bottle feeding fairly quickly.
However because I've been so stressed and hardly eating anything (now weigh a stone and a half less than I did pre pregnancy) means that although I'm expressing every three hours I'm not making enough milk for her and she's eating more.

The thought of putting her on formula breaks my heart. I know a lot of babies are ill with you first switch them over and I can't stand the thought of her being ill again. Also I wanted her to have the antibodies from my milk as her immune system must still be vulnerable. She's not quite three weeks old. I have some milk frozen to last maybe another week and then that's it. She will have to have some formula and it will be something else I've let her down on.

The formula smells disgusting too. I keep imagining her little face when she tastes it and realises it isn't breast milk. How do any of them drink it?

Aibu to be so upset about this?

Is it possible that the midwife meant you are supposed to use special preemie formula, not the standard newborn stuff?

How old is your little one now? When we were discharged from the NICU, we were told not to expect DS to be able to breastfeed before his due date, and this was absolutely true. No chance of getting him to feed before then, whereas two days or so before his due date, he suddenly got the hang of it. But I have also heard of preemies who took longer than that, so you can still hope.
I found that getting the milk flowing by pumping for five minutes before each feed helped immensely because the baby doesn't have to work to get the letdown going.
As for expressing, how often are you expressing? 500 ml a day is a good supply and you can go for four hours between pumping, I would reduce that to four times a day after two months or so.
I agree you need to talk to a lactation specialist, not a midwife who spouts rubbish about formula being bad for your baby. Yes, breast is best, but saying formula is bad is just not true (and I didn't formula feed for the first 10 months, so I am not trying to justify my own choices etc.)
Breastfeeding a preemie can be done, it really can. Don't give up hope just yet. Preemies need more time to get going and I remember thinking we were never going to get there, but we did in the end.
In any case, don't feel bad whatever you choose to do re feeding. You had a tough start, as did your baby. None of this is your fault. I remember how guilt-ridden I was during those first weeks and looking back I realise how unnecessary it was. You are doing your best in a difficult situation and have nothing to blame yourself for!!

Ok well that's great - your main indicator that she's getting enough milk is weight gain, and she's doing that. So I do wonder if you're being overly anxious when there's actually no cause for concern. Which is totally understandable considering the rough time you must have had in those first few weeks.
How old is she now? Feeding on demand would be the eventual aim so if she doesn't want feeding after 4 hours try not to worry. And feeding loads at night is pretty normal (unfortunately)!
I know it's hard not to worry but it sounds like you're doing an amazing job and that actually everything is going fine. Try not to get too hung up over volumes. I bf both mine 2+ years, never managed to express more than about 60ml so never did bottles successfully. So I never knew how much they were getting - I just tried to trust that if they're putting on weight etc then they ARE getting enough.
You are doing great, be kind to yourself, everything sounds fine, you need looking after too. Xx

But I think that she will lose weight when I try to switch her to formula because she doesn't like it.
She's gained wait whilst she's exclusively had expressed breast milk.

I don't think we will manage to breastfeed now, she's had three weeks of bottles. She could latch quite well from the start but now she's just doesn't want to. I don't know how to do it without a lot of support and I don't have any means of accessing support very easily as I still can't drive or get anywhere.

A community midwife or health visitor once a week isn't enough.

Ok so why do you feel you need to introduce formula then? Sorry if I've misunderstood, I thought you were starting on formula because you weren't producing enough milk, but actually it seems you are?
Or is it to give yourself a break? If that's the case she might be more keen to take it from someone else - she knows you're good for breast milk so might 've holding out for that from you. Whereas from someone else she might be more accepting of the formula?? Maybe worth a try.

Hi Givingup. Have you tried posting on the MN feeding boards? There are plenty of mums who have gone back to breastfeeding or mixed feeding after the baby was having bottles. If you want to do it, there are ways to try - not that it will be easy! It does sound like you'd really like to get back to breastfeeding though so maybe try posting over there and see what response you get.

And you're right, once a week isn't enough support. If you call them and ask for more support they should provide it. It is so hard to know what the right thing to do is.

I was previously expressing enough but now she's having upwards of 800mls a day and the only way I've kept up is by using my freezer backlog which has now gone. I can make about 500mls but the rest will have to be formula.
You are right re the scbu, they say they have to have a certain amount every three or four hours. The midwife told me to not let her go longer than four hours to but she's only had about 70mls since 8am. This is because it was formula I think. She just doesn't seem to like it.
If I wasn't so exhausted and worn down I may persue the breast feeding more doggedly but I'm so tired I just don't know if I have the energy. The midwife recommended staying in my dressing gown and lying in bed with the baby all weekend to do skin to skin but how can I with a six year old and I'm on my own as dh away now on business.

Oh god. And I've used the incorrect version of weight in my previous post. If ever there was an indication of how tired I am there it is.

OP, you keep saying that you can't go anywhere because you can't drive and that your baby doesn't like the formula.

I'm sorry to be blunt but you need to take some action here. It is clear that you cannot do this by yourself. You need professional help. And a midwife is not professional help when it comes to breastfeeding. I said it days ago and I will say it again - call a lactation consultant. Call a La Leche League leader. They will come to your house and help you. It is that simple. You cannot do this by yourself. Everybody needs help with breastfeeding.

What are you eating to help increase your milk supply?

OP, I am not sure if this thread is going to give you the advice & support you need.

Having been in your situation before, with a non-latching premature baby who I expressed for, standard advice was useless (ie babymoons, fenugreek tea, local BF support groups).

Looking back, the only things that would have helped were:

• a nanny/grandparent etc to take older child off my hands so I could concentrate on feeding DD.
• someone from breastfeeding support coming to my house (as suggested by coconutty).
• specialist advice from scbu - are you still in contact/under follow up with them? There was a special clinic in the hospital where DD was in scbu. I phoned the adviser there, as I couldn't drive either - maybe scbu could signpost you to appropriate help?

FWIW, I was at rock-bottom when I made my decision to stop expressing, really at the end of my tether. It forced me to make the decision as I knew I couldn't go on.

Please, please, be kind to yourself.,

A midwife is coming tomorrow. I might see if they can watch a formula feed.

She's still only had 70mls since this morning but she was awake and feeding much of the night so maybe she's just not hungry?

coconut's post is a bit blunt but she's right - many midwives aren't experts on breastfeeding. Try phoning La Leche League - even talking things through with someone might help. As for your 6 year old - just have some favourite DVDs/TV shows on standby for when you need to sit with the baby to feed. It's only a short term thing. You can all cuddle up together to watch them.

OP, can you look at Human Milk For Human Babies (see Fb), as an alternative to formula?
Sounds like you really want to BF - persevere with finding someone to really help you. It is not too late. My fave trick one the baby is latched on is to pump their little arm up and down - for some reason is encourages sucking - everyone I've suggested this to says it works.

www.facebook.com/HM4HBUK/?fref=ts

Op

As well intentioned as we all are here - we are not seeing you, don't know exactly the toll this is taking on you and do not know the contexts and full picture of your situation. The most helpful of Internet forums can help, but only that much.

You cannot drive to go anywhere. You can however pay for an IBCLC to come to you using the search function of the IBCLC hey are Lactation consultants. They will visit you you will pay a fee that's anywhere between 60-100 quid I believe

Do that. If hat doesn't get her to lath and feed at source then you may find it is entirely alright to give her a mixed diet of infant formula and expressed breastmilk. How much can you express without killing your sanity and health? Then that amount is the right amount. Not more than that. The rest can truly be formula.

This is fine. Only you can decide where and when to draw the line.

Anyone local to you to help with the six year old while you chill with newbie? Or will your six yo entertain themselves a bit? If not, have you got a sling so you can do skin to skin whilst up and about?
I have a five year old and a baby and my 5yo does give me time to sort the baby by playing well on his own when I need him to. If not, and you have no one, what about contacting homestart? Search on fb and your local one should pop up.

You aren't a failure and you haven't let anyone down. The midwife needs a kick up the backside.

You have two choices really - you absolutely focus on the breastmilk and stick with it but this is exhausting you, you have insufficient help and your six year old needs your attention. Or, you bite the bullet and switch to formula (are you sure the baby doesn't like it or are you perhaps projecting your dislike onto the baby?). The second option seems to offer benefits for all of you and I think you need to accept them and stop feeling guilty.

You have done a brilliant job and I'll say it again, birth and breastfeeding are tiny parts of being a parent and babies don't remember them. I let guilt and upset over feeding spoil my first three or four months with ds. Don't let it spoil yours or let it get in the way of your recovery or relationship with your six year old who will remember this time.

Use, what milk is already expressed and express enough to keep comfortable and then treat yourself to a bloody good sleep.

The former a&e nurse who eventually helped me advised Aptamil because it was closest to breast milk (never researched it), and to use 75% of powder to 100% of water for the first few days to get his tummy used to the change. You might find you have a baby that's happier with one or the other.

Whatever you decide, be kind to yourself. I actually suspect you are grieving a little for the birth you hoped for and the start you imagined and so everything is out of perspective.

Good luck.

Have you tried nipple shields to get her to latch back on?

Your midwife had no business saying what she did, thousands of babies have been fed on formula from birth, including prem babies and thrived.

If it's going to eat away at you and there's a bit of you that wants to continue bfeeding then can you order a big online shop lots of snacks and ready meals, lots of films and tv for the 6 year old while you try to reestablish bf?

Just want to say - Aptimil is no closer to breastmilk than any other formula. They all have pretty much the same ingredients Some taste slightly different to others so some babies may prefer one over another.