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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do some women have more children

153 replies

DizzyDancer · 12/01/2016 17:09

Than others

Why in some families do women feel the need to have 4plus kids whereas others are happy with 1 or 2 or sometimes none at all?

I know everyone is different but I know there's a biological response to proceeate.

OP posts:

NewLife4Me · 12/01/2016 18:16

Because we are all different.
There may be reason with a couple wanting dc together if they have children from previous relationships.

I just took precautions when we didn't want a child, we ended up with 3.

LadyTmalia · 12/01/2016 18:19

I just like the sex hth

Ragwort · 12/01/2016 18:20

I think it is an interesting question, without wanting to be contentious . I have one child, by choice, I have the money, space etc to have two or three more but I just have absolutely no 'urge' to have more children. Is it hormones that makes people want more than one child?

Personally speaking, having been through pregnancy and labour I cannot understand anyone choosing to have another child .

StarOnTheTree · 12/01/2016 18:21

If life had worked out differently I would have had more children. If I'd found the right man, if I'd had support from family, if I hadn't had to work, if my pregnancies weren't so horrible, etc.

I don't know how many children I would have had before I felt it was enough. Probably at the point where I felt that one more would mean that I didn't have enough time, energy or patience for each child.

My broodiness has been overwhelming over the years but all of the above meant that I stopped at 3, mostly the lack of a good man by my side!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 12/01/2016 18:21

7 kids here

VertigoNun · 12/01/2016 18:23

My theory is they bring up free range children. I have known a few big family Mum's from baby one and they were always hands off parents.

alltouchedout · 12/01/2016 18:23

I have no real idea. I never thought I'd have three and be wishing four was affordable!

Owllady · 12/01/2016 18:25

Well I had two in less than two years but when I was pregnant with my second it became clear that my eldest wasn't developing normally and she is now classed as having a severe disability. They don't know what caused it, so we stopped at two. Roll on a few years and I found out I was unexpectedly a couple of months pregnant, so we thought what would be would be (add a good dose of denial) he's eight now. Won't be having any more. I've had 3 c sections too, that's quite enough for me :)
So that's us!

TheToys · 12/01/2016 18:27

We stopped at one as we found DS very hard work. Finances and work also dictate that having more would be detrimental for everybody. Was never broody, for a while entertained an idea of DC2 in the future, but that is now unlikely to happen, as I'd loath to go back to the sodding boring small child stage.

That said, were we really wealthy with lots of support, would have more children, as I wouldn't have to actually look after them 24/7.

sugar21 · 12/01/2016 18:31

I would have at least 2 more children but need to find a man.

I've got dd1 but lost dd2 to a shitty illness. My dream was to have 5 or 6 but that is probably because I'm an only child.

fourkids · 12/01/2016 18:35

only child here craving a big family too...but slightly resenting the suggestion that I might be a 'hands off parent' or be raising 'free range' children! Neither of those is true. Dedicated, frazzled mum here...wouldn't have it any other way!

8kidswhoscounting · 12/01/2016 18:36

I have 8 and that feels right for us not for everyone but we love it.

VertigoNun · 12/01/2016 18:38

It was just a personal small sample from rl. Sorry I offended you.

Sparklingbrook · 12/01/2016 18:44

So do we all now have to list how many children we have and explain ourselves?

NameChanger22 · 12/01/2016 18:49

I had one beautiful, wonderful child and decided I couldn't improve on perfection.

Plus, nothing on earth would make me want to go through another pregnancy or birth.

BestZebbie · 12/01/2016 18:51

Just as some women get the feeling that they really really want to have (a) child(ren), don't some also then have that feeling go away after a birth/get a related feeling that they are done once their family reaches a certain size?
If so, that might influence further family decision making on how plausible it would be financially to have more children, etc.

PeachyTheSanctiMoanyArse · 12/01/2016 18:57

The craving for another did not reduce between ds1 and ds4 (my last).

I was (am, but planning not to be), home based and one of us has to be at home anyway as an elder child has special needs; so no childcare costs (DH works a great deal from home now). Didn't really cost much more to be honest- we had everything. Space for him to share a room with a sibling.

However, whereas when DH and I met we both wanted four, my Nan had 16 and that I couldn't do! Four is my limit. They're not at all free range, far less so actually than other local families because we're very naturally closely knit as a family, though neither am I a helicopter parent- I try and find a balance. As most do I am sure. I am one of three, DH one of two. No extremes there. My siblings have one and two, BIL has none.

Would I do it again? Ask me on different days, i'll usually say yes ;)

cleaty · 12/01/2016 19:00

If there is a biological urge to procreate, it is clear not all women have it.

PeachyTheSanctiMoanyArse · 12/01/2016 19:01

Oh- horrible pregnancies here (hyperemesis with each, SPD with 2, eclampsia with first) but relatively easy births (even with the one where I was induced before dates due to the eclampsia). I am sure the easy births helped!

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/01/2016 19:01

I love the idea of a big family, and especially of lots of older/grown up children, coming and going with friends, coupling up, watching their lives unfold, etc.

But to get the older children, you first have to have babies, and I'm not very good at that part!

We have two children - and we both feel extraordinarily blessed to have two such wonderful versions, that we decided not to push our luck. And so took proactive steps to ensure two is it.

PeachyTheSanctiMoanyArse · 12/01/2016 19:02

Cleaty- absolutely.

I, however, did. As did DH.

BellasBall · 12/01/2016 19:02

Parents of big families love children. I think it's that simple really.

MrsDeVere · 12/01/2016 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fourkids · 12/01/2016 19:03

VertigoNun, thank you :-) and tbh maybe it is actually impossible to be as hands on as you would be with 1DC, much as you'd like to be, and I'm kidding myself...hopefully what we take away with one hand, we give with the other, so where the DCs lose in some way, they gain in a different way. (certainly not free range though)

MadamCroquette · 12/01/2016 19:07

I envisaged having three when I was younger. In the event, the reality of horrendous pregnancies, PND, loss of free time etc meant two seemed enough after all. And DP would have preferred to stop at one, so two was a compromise.

I have found having small DC very hard, but I'm an introvert and like my space, and we have no family support, so no time away from the DC ever, apart from nursery and school. I can imagine if you have a big supportive extended family who look after your DC a lot, it's not such a challenge having more.

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