Prom problem

[Geriatricme]

Hi
My daughter is mega excited over her prom coming up this year. Her best friend and her have been excited for over 6 months. Prom dresses are a major element in this! The friend bought her dress and looks lovely in it. We then went and bought my daughter's dress - in the ridiculous hundreds - in the colour and style she was looking for. She loves it and was beaming. The friend has now though stated she wasn't sure about her dress - bought from a national store - and has tried on and really likes another dress. It's in exactly the same colour, neckline and fitting as my daughter's dress. My daughter is so upset. There is a history here of my daughter's friend buying clothes my daughter says she likes before my daughter can buy them. I have always said she should consider it flattery and not to worry. But this is a bit much - they would be sitting together! The friend hasn't bought it yet but may do. This has now caused upset between the girls and unfortunately us mums are too. Are we overreacting? An honest opinion really wanted here? Thank you

I would leave it for the girls to sort out themselves. Your dd should just express to her friend that she's disappointed if she gets a very similar dress because they will look too similar, and leave it at that. You can't control what someone else wears to the prom. The only alternative is that your dd can then change her own dress (you lose deposit but not whole amount) and they are less close friends as a result.

I would keep out of it, at the mum level!

Momb - not prom dresses.....
Anyhooooo back to the subject........

okay back to the OP - I think part of the problem is you have purchased the dress months before the event - I bet they ALL change their minds at least once - I'm guessing it's not till June/July - so I'm guessing more tears will be on the way and copying and fall outs etc etc - teens are great!

if they aren't prom dresses I am doomed to be a big failure as a prom dress buying mum - please tell me you didn't go down the 'big fat gypsy prom dress' route !

Yes, I have 2 teen dds

Quick Google

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However, everyone I know (having 3 teens + neices and god children, plus friends dc) has gone to their local shopping centre and got them from Department stores such as Debenhams or the like.

TK Max are good for frocks as well

DD bought a lovely dress online for prom for £55.
It was new.

It wasn't the same as everyone else's dress as she didn't buy it from a "prom dress" shop- these shops are designed for people like you as you think you need to spend an unbelievable amount of money on a dress that will never be worn again because it's from a specific "prom shop"

It's one night. 2 people wearing the same colour (horrendously overpriced) dress is not going to stand out, especially if they all buy them from shops where they have about 6 styles and 4 colours.
Unless it is neon pink and green or there are only 9 people going to the prom, chances are they won't be the only people in the same colour dress.

As to you falling out with the other parent over the colour of a 16 year olds prom dress.....maybe you need to become less involved?

Always loads of prom dresses on the red label rail in tkmaxx....

And yes, OP, I know that's not what you wanted this thread to be about.

But this thread stops just one mother getting sucked into the 'everyone's dress cost over a grand' prom madness, then it'll be worth it.

But if this thread....

HPsauciness - thank you for a logical, on point comment.
Ghostylovessheep - ordering takes 3 months to come in
Dawnofthedoggers - glad you don't give a s* but not sure how your comment helps as we are all individuals...
And for some who think it's the money that counts here honestly you have missed the point.....if the friend wanted to turn up in a yellow and orange Pot Noodle tub and if that what was what my daughter had already to,d said friend it was what she had bought it would be exactly the same. Twin Pot Noodles in a varied sea of other non specific dried foods......

I'm a secondary school supply teacher, and as such I've worked in lots of schools and each one seems to have its own culture surrounding prom and what the dresses should be like. At one school it was all 'big fat gypsy prom dress' as ghosty describes, in another it was sleek long dresses and in another they barely bothered to change out of jeans!

I'm sure the OP's DD has chosen one that suits the culture of the school prom she's going to.

OP, can you not see you're encouraging this nonsense? Your responses on this thread speak volumes.
Yes, you are massively overreacting. As the parent, you should be the one reassuring your daughter that it doesn't matter one bit if her friend has a dress similar to hers - she's still her own person and there's more to life than expensive dresses.
But instead you sound as caught up in it as the girls are.

I think your daughter needs to finally learn her lesson about her friend - if she doesn't want her to show up in an identical dress (or have the same piece of kit, etc etc) she needs to not give her any details about said item (or be really passive aggressive about it all and send her in another direction...)

That said - have you had a word with the shop? I'm sure this is not the first time this has happened.

I may have missed a vital part of the thread here.

Is it the same identical dress or just the same colour.

Prom dresses under £250.
Not EBay
Blackbutterfly

I see the point you are making, but it's a silly one. My DD found her dress in the sale last year for £40. Took it to the till, paid the £40, no ordering, no drama. If her mate - the only other girl in the school - comes along with the same one, then so be it! It's not worth falling out over really it isn't. Don't fan the fire, don't get caught up in the drama, you are the adult.

It's just a dance, not life and death.

Prom dresses from £250 to £700 for 16 year olds???

Much more money than sense, particularly as you are all falling out over it already.

I thought mumsnet was a place for mums to get help on a subject not to be criticised on other unrelated points. I'm not shutting the messenger here or "choosing" which advice I think is sensible to fit in with my thoughts.
But I didn't expect such cattiness when all you have here is a broad outline of the problem.
It looks like some mums on here just looking to belittle and criticise. Shame I thought we were on the same side - asking for help with our kids
To those who actually addressed the issue - thank you, you have helped whatever your opinion was 😘

This thread reminded me of this...

REALLY?!?

Ok last comment - honest 😂
If you re read my post this isn't about price - it is about friends and trust. Please re read my Pot Noodle bit! Thanks

Aww come on ladies.........do you have teenage girls? Have you a concept of hormones, prices and the dreaded prom?

Thats her excuse, but whats yours?