Prom problem

[Geriatricme]

Hi
My daughter is mega excited over her prom coming up this year. Her best friend and her have been excited for over 6 months. Prom dresses are a major element in this! The friend bought her dress and looks lovely in it. We then went and bought my daughter's dress - in the ridiculous hundreds - in the colour and style she was looking for. She loves it and was beaming. The friend has now though stated she wasn't sure about her dress - bought from a national store - and has tried on and really likes another dress. It's in exactly the same colour, neckline and fitting as my daughter's dress. My daughter is so upset. There is a history here of my daughter's friend buying clothes my daughter says she likes before my daughter can buy them. I have always said she should consider it flattery and not to worry. But this is a bit much - they would be sitting together! The friend hasn't bought it yet but may do. This has now caused upset between the girls and unfortunately us mums are too. Are we overreacting? An honest opinion really wanted here? Thank you

[thenightsky]

I understand a 16 year old school lass would be miffed by copied. So in that respect she is not being unreasonable.

I'd be tempted to repost in Style & Beauty threads tbh. Someone there may have a practical suggestion on how to alter or change the dress in some way, or come up amazing accessories etc.

[maybebabybee]

Sally 'dream dress'? Overdramatic much?

Feminism is in a sorry state if this is what we teach our daughters to aspire to.

It's a sodding dress ffs.

[Roussette]

Well... my teens did Sally It took a few visits but they did. (have a huge tk maxx near us) And they looked absolutely fabulous. I would love to post pics but obviously wont. They had their hair done etc but luckily they are pretty sensible and would not have expected up to £750 on a dress they would wear once.

[passivesonata]

Geriatricme the local bridal shop has prom dresses starting from £60 up to £400. They keep a register of what has been sold and only sell one dress of each style and colour for the prom. None of the girls at DD1's prom had the same dress.

[MrsHathaway]

I've just had a look at Debenhams website and found several bargain dresses in the Blue Cross Sale that would be fabulous on a 16yo at her prom.

You could spend the money you would have spent on the dress balance getting two or three dresses that are fairly different from each other - either now or perhaps between exams and prom - and leave DD to decide on the day what she feels like. Copycat friend couldn't possibly copy then without looking like a total loon.

blue sequins

ruby cutout

black lace

nude hand embellished

navy sequins

teal satin

[mrsrhodgilbert]

Op I do feel for you. I have two daughters, both now at university, so we've had four proms in the last few years.

Choosing the dress is half the fun. At their school there was always a Facebook page where everyone posted what they had bought so there were no duplications. If there were any clashes, one girl or other would change unless they were in totally different friendship groups.

It's disappointing that her friend has chosen to copy her. I think either asking her not to or changing your daughters dress is the way forward, but don't tell the girl about the possible new dress.

[Berthatydfil]

Ive got a16 up and sympathise.
I think it's very mean of the friend and I would get your dd to say to her friend "I'm not sure about dress so I'm going back out shopping go have another look." Then come back with pictures of other dresses on lots of styles and colours and get her to rave about a different one each day for a week or two before telling friend which one she has "decided on" and make sure it's nothing like her original choice.
And obviously stick with the original choice of dress while hopefully friend will either find find thing that suits her or copies one of the dresses your dd isn't actually getting.
Tell your dd not to discuss the dress hair shoes bag or jewellery with friend as she's too stressed about exams etc and doesn't want to think about it till nearer the date,
It's one thing going out and getting a similar dress by accident it's totally different chiding to copy her,

[Mandalorian]

Teens know exactly why they want how they want to look and spend hours hunting it down like a prized possession - they don't just pop to t k maxx and hope to pick one up!

Really? ALL of them? What a sweeping generalisation that is completely inaccurate. Most teens I've come across have a little more aspiration than a sparkly dress.

[SparklesandBangs]

In case OP is still reading - I have been through 3 proms - DD1 is an individual for both her Y11 and Y13 proms and had short fitted dresses, did her own hair, make up and nails, looked great, spent very little and had a fun time. Her choice.

For balance DD2 is more of a sheep, and likes to conform, for her Y11 prom the school had a facebook page and each girl posted their dress on it as soon as they had chosen, the idea being that this would lead to only 1 of each dress. However they still had duplicates and similar styles/colours. They still all had a good time, the pictures were great and they all managed to look individual with their hair and accessories.

For reference even though DD2 has expensive tastes her max budget was £250 and she eventually bought a lovely Coast dress for under £200. Her rational was that it looked great, fitted well and she should be able to wear it again.

There is always a lot of prom hype now, then we found it quietened down as they started to get into revision mode.

Would DD have been annoyed if her friend copied her dress, probably not but she had the confidence that her dress looked great on her and had a good relationship with her friendship group, where 2 of them did chose the same dress but in different colours. Would she have been annoyed if her frenemy chose the same dress, yes of course, would she have change, no because she is stubborn and knows that my patience for shopping had run out.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Wanting a nice prom dress and having aspirations are not mutually exclusive though. DD2 wanted red and princessy and sparkly. She also wanted As and A*s. Happily she got both. Liking clothes doesn't mean you are some kind of bimbo.

[Roussette]

I agree Manda. As a pp said, it is just a sodding dress. Yes my DDs were excited, yes, they wanted their hair done, right shoes etc, and yes they wanted to feel good in the dress I bought for them. But they knew it was a one wearing only quite possibly and that it was all over and done with in a few hours so were pretty laidback about it all. Is it really sensible to start off near adult life with a dress costing up to £750 for what is really a school party? I just don't get it

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

This really isn't about the price of the dress. OP is clearly perfectly happy with the amount she spent and that's all that matters.

On the other hand, OP, I think your focus here should be to teach your daughter to have a sensible relationship with clothes! Does it matter what she's wearing? Yes, because it matters to your dd and clothes can have a big impact on how you feel about yourself. But, I think maybe you need to tell your dd that she needs to rise above squabbling over prom dresses - the most she should say to her friend is, 'we'll look very similar' or something to that effect and leave her friend to think that over. As long as your dad looks and feels good in her dress, that's all that matters. And make sure she doesn't tell her friend how she is going to accessorise!

[Roussette]

As long as your dad looks and feels good in her dress

Maybe that's the answer!

[KERALA1]

Our deeply square fleece wearing thirty something geography teacher turned up in an identical dress to me at our 5th year dinner. My parents thought it was hilarious ....

[Brightnorthernlights]

If it isn't about price, why did you include that information. By then continuing by describing your DD's friends dress as being bought from 'A national store' you imply that her dress is somehow inferior.

[Orange1969]

This reminds me of when I was 16 and invited to a glamorous ball.

My beloved mum bought me a massive, crinolined horror of a dress and it cost loads - it cost well over £100 and that was some thirty years back.

To be fair, I did wear it again, at least once. I got rid of the crinoline, though.

I'm sure you're daughter will have a great time.

It's a bit annoying that her friend had chosen the same style - I think the only option I would choose is some accessories that make your daughter's dress stand out. Perhaps a wrap?

Anyway, I'm sure she will look much nicer than I did in my 1986 fashion fail.

[Snowglobe1]

I would be frustrated in your daughter's position, and I would encourage her to speak politely to her friend and say that, actually, she loved her original choice of dress, and that she doesn't think it's a good idea for them to go in virtually identical dresses.
If that doesn't work, I'd encourage her to let it go.

[TeenAndTween]

I agree with the OP, it is so not about the price.

I don't think it is worth the girls falling out over.

I don't think your DD should feel she has to change her dress.

I do think she should say to friend she's a bit hacked off that dress is so similar seeing as they are going to be hanging around together at prom, and would friend please consider changing hers. But otherwise, let it go.

I agree with posters who say keep accessories, hairstyle secret from friend. At DD's prom last year 95% of the girls had their hair down. DD's was up and looked fantastic, and she received lots of compliments from girls who wouldn't normally give her the time of day.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

its not the same fucking dress. It IS THE SAME COLOUR

[BackforGood]

What a massive overgeneralisation by Sally
My teens have a LOT more to think about in their lives than a dress they might wear to a party in 3 years time

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Yep DD as an interest in fashion, she predicted a* and plays for her county... And?

[notquiteruralbliss]

Gosh - so glad DDc aren't into prom. DDs 1 and 2, ddidn't ( as far as I am aware - they may simply not have told me) didn't have proms and DD3 went to a festival instead (though would have opted for a suit rather than a prom dress, had she gone).

[Bunbaker]

I have looked at the prom dresses linked on this thread. Do most girls wear long dresses in pastels?

They are absolutely not DD at all. She wants to wear a short black skater style dress. Would she look terribly out of place?

[BackforGood]

No bunbaker she will be fine - there's a wide variety in my experience.

My links were just showing what a 2 minute google came up with, for the OP. If I'm buying a dress for a prom, I wouldn't do it that way, I'd start from what my dd wanted to wear. By putting the word "prom" into the search, it just makes everything more expensive as some daft people will pay ridiculous amounts.... bit like if you search 'wedding venues' against 'function suites or 'conference centres' you'll end up with different prices and fussiness.