Prom problem

[Geriatricme]

Hi
My daughter is mega excited over her prom coming up this year. Her best friend and her have been excited for over 6 months. Prom dresses are a major element in this! The friend bought her dress and looks lovely in it. We then went and bought my daughter's dress - in the ridiculous hundreds - in the colour and style she was looking for. She loves it and was beaming. The friend has now though stated she wasn't sure about her dress - bought from a national store - and has tried on and really likes another dress. It's in exactly the same colour, neckline and fitting as my daughter's dress. My daughter is so upset. There is a history here of my daughter's friend buying clothes my daughter says she likes before my daughter can buy them. I have always said she should consider it flattery and not to worry. But this is a bit much - they would be sitting together! The friend hasn't bought it yet but may do. This has now caused upset between the girls and unfortunately us mums are too. Are we overreacting? An honest opinion really wanted here? Thank you

[CaptainCrunch]

Missing the point on aibu is pretty standard op. It's interesting how dismissive some people are about prom, my own dd had zero interest and left school before it so I've not experienced this but if it had she been I would have been supportive. Contrast this with the state people get into on wedding threads over who's wearing what.

[Rosebuddy7]

Very premature prom dress-buying going on here...!

I'd return the ridiculously expensive dress, assuming this is possible (a £200 dress for a 16-yr-old's Prom IS ridiculous, even though I know plenty of people do pay this, and more) and start looking around for something that matches whatever it is your dd wants at a teeny fraction of the price: ebay, TK Max, charity shops , market stalls - there's gorgeous stuff all over the place and loads of time left - and tell dd the best way to deal with a copycat friend in future is not to give her tmi.

Good luck :)

[titchy]

Nope don't think anyone here is missing the point though you might be OP.... It's a party for 15/16 year olds, not a Royal Garden Party. None of them will be able to tell the difference between a £50 prom dress and a £500 pound one.

Stop feeding the drama, or are you secretly enjoying it? Sympathise with your dd, then move the topic onto something else.

[BackforGood]

You have had help - most have advised you not to get involved.
Not to fan the flames
Not to enjoy the drama
Not to make it into anything more than it is - a party at the end of school.

[Geriatricme]

Rosebuddy7 - just to repeat....and repeat....and repeat....💤💤💤💤💤
This is not about price - please see my other messages......

[Namechangenell]

I'd have been annoyed as a teenager if someone had 'copied' my dress, in the same way I would be now if a 'friend' copied what I was going to wear to a mutual friend's wedding, say. It's not what friends do, is it? And smacks of insecurity on the part of the DD's (fake) friend... To be honest, I think I'd be encouraging other friendships. Who needs enemies when you have friends like this one? I hope your DD is ok, OP. At least you can reassure her that is imitation is the highest form of flattery and so on.

[Melonaire]

Get your DD to tell her friends she's changed her mind about the dress. Sit back and see what happens. Also try asking the shop if you can switch the deposit to another dress they sell.

[PigletJohn]

if friend insists on copying, tell friend DD has bought something different.

[Pancakeflipper]

Did the other girl buy hers look-a-like dress at a cost of hundreds or did she spy a bargain? Cos that would be annoying.

[YakTriangle]

It is ridiculous that the friend wants to copy her to this degree, but it's is fairly silly that this is such an issue as well. If your dd went around to all her other friends at school and told them she had her dress already and 'X' had decided she was getting one the same, would it put the friend off? If everyone knew your DD had hers first and the friend was copying her maybe she'd change her mind about buying it. Childish, but there we are.

[Katenka]

Firstly price came into it because you mentioned it. So it clearly does matter to you.

As I said earlier teenage girls can be unreasonable but you are the adult.

I have no idea why you feel the need to mention discipline at all. Do you think you are a better mother?

You need to get a grip of the situation. If your dd doesn't want to swap her dress she doesn't have to. Neither does she have to Create a drama.

A prom dress is a dress. People wear all sorts to prom, surely she won't be turned away from the door because the dress didn't have the word prom in front of it.

And yea I have a teenage dd. Not sure what that has to do with anything.

[ElviraCondomine]

Price is relevant though, isn't it. By spending so much money, it is encouraging girls to elevate this particular dress into something really really really important, and it's essentially not.

(But then I would say that - DD1's dress cost £39 in the sales and was absolutely stunning.)

[Geriatricme]

Katenka - I didn't mention price. See my question. I answered when asked.
Why doesn't anyone read my Pot Noodle bit? ....it is relevant honest......

[Geriatricme]

There we go price again........nope the price isn't the problem, didn't cause the problem, won't resolve the problem and frankly isn't a problem in this.

[Katenka]

I've read the pot noodle bit.

Doesn't even make sense.

You mentioned the ridiculous hundreds in the OP. Why if it wasn't relevant. You clearly think it is. Would you have been upset if it was £60?

The advice still stands. Neither you or your dd can dictate to this girl what she can or can't wear. So your dd needs to make a decision. And if she is terribly upset, you need to take charge and put it into perspective.

[Melonaire]

You did say 'in the ridiculous hundreds' but I'm pretty sure mine would have cost about the same once you factor in inflation and changed it into new money

[ClarkL]

Hello....
so heres the thing, 2 people can wear the same dress, and one can look classy whilst the other doesn't.
I'm guessing if your daughter has chosen her dress and the other is copying the style will actually suit your daughter more.
Details and the finish also matter - be it hair, make up, shoes, jewellery, bag etc. These things you should absolutely keep secret from the friend, simply act like 'oh we didnt think of that, i'll look closer to the time'

Start a great skin care routine, take her to a fab beauty place, not just the counter at boots for make up ideas. Check out hair styles based on dress type, I always wanted my hair down for my wedding, but looking at pictures of strapless dresses ALL models had hair up as it showed the dress/neckline better.
My daughter (9) came to my hair/make up/nail appointments and they all gave her a fuss too (age appropriate) but she felt like a princess and it was a really nice Mum and daughter time, and by doing it as Mum and Daughter time your excluding the diva.
It doesn't matter if its petty to other people, it matters to your daughter, do not fall out with the girl or her mum, just out class them and smile.
Psssst photos are massively important too, if you can book a photo shoot right before she leaves so she has some special photos also

[YakTriangle]

I think people keep mentioning price because
A) You've spent a lot on one relatively minor occasion
B) you claim prom dresses don't exist under £250
C) you might not care as much if you had spent less

[TheSecondViola]

You mentioned price in your OP. It was you that brought it up.

If you are that bothered, take the dress back and buy another one. And try and teach your kid (and yourself) that clothes are just not that important to be falling out with friends over.

[molyholy]

You have had help - most have advised you not to get involved.
Not to fan the flames
Not to enjoy the drama

^This

I think you wanted people to say you are being perfectly reasonable and do not want to hear any view point that thinks you are totally overreacting.

[Narp]

I'm glad I don't have teenage girls if hundreds of pounds for a dress and this kid pif bickering is an expected part of it. Lordy.

[maybebabybee]

I think you are over invested tbh. It's only a dress. And only a prom proms are hell on earth.

[Narp]

Quite impressed by your Zs though.